For married couple- ( who cheated and got cheated on )no smart remarks please!!?

Question

Why is it that when a spouse,(men/women) cheated and found out that it is a/was a mistakes, (esp.some men ), they want to come back and have a second chance, they do all the right things that they never did before the afffair?
Why can't couple solve the problem their having before one of them commit adultery and end up ruining other's life,(ie; children ).???

Answer 1

Answer this question, why do we let our children fall down so often when they are learning to walk? After they fall once, do we take them back and demand a refund or a new one? Of course not, and I am being deliberately ridiculous here to make a point. We ALL make mistakes, but the key is to LEARN from them. Some people see a wet paint sign, and leave it alone, others have to touch the wood to see if it really IS wet! How did you learn what foods you liked best? By eating foods that you DIDN'T like so much, so that you had something to compare to. People sometimes think that the grass is greener on the other side of the bed! Then once they are there, they realize that they really love the one they are cheating on and want go back. However, they have damaged the relationship. It will take time to rebuild the trust that was lost, but it CAN be done! But BOTH parties have to want it and be willing to work at it. Part of rebuiliding that trust is doing "all the right things that they never did before the affair." If people thought about the long term effects of affairs, they might be less apt to get involved in them. You are right...children are hurt, relationships are scarred, not just with the spouse, but possibly with friends and family as well! I think the key here is to THINK before you LEAP! Use your brain to think, not OTHER parts of the anatomy!

Answer 2

The grass always looks greener on the other side until you go there and realize it's not all that appealing.
Cheaters make mistakes thinking that it will solve the problem. Once they're there, they realize that perhaps the life they had was not all bad and vow to change for the better. Most times these marriages survive longer, than the ones getting out before affairs happen.
There will always be problems and no long lasting marriage will ever be affair proof. If you go with the flow and try to resolve things as they happen, you may avoid the heartache of infidelity.
There is no way to predict the future and know that you would never stray from your marriage. Affairs of the heart happen all the time. Divorce is the option most people take only because it's so easy to do nowadays and fighting to keep your spouse is just too much like work.

Answer 3

Well because this thing called "temptation" is sometimes hard to fight off. You know in your heart and mind that what you are doing is going to heart that person, but the resistance is just too hard (for some people). That just mean that the person has a weakness that needs some strengthening. Sometimes you can work it out and forgive, but the average person cannot. The reason they think it was a mistake is because the satisfaction is done, so now they don't want that person anymore or the sex wasn't good enough to leave the husband/or wife for. I'm definitely not perfect, but everytime I feel like I'm being neglected or not getting it the way we normally do, then I tell him right away, I give him that chance and opportunity to set it right, because I love him so much that I cannot see myself w/ someone else and I'm afraid to death of getting caught. Sometimes when I'm holding out cause of moodiness so he tells me "i miss you" can we get together tonight, and we make an effort. I know he's had temptations and what has came of it i don't know , but i haven't heard nothing yet. Everyone's relationships are different so you have to find that connection that keeps you guys communicating.

Answer 4

My guess is when a person cheats, it is usually because they are getting something from another person that they are not getting from their spouse. Most people do not realise the damage cheating can do to a relationship until it is too late. Couples who fail to listen to one another and avoid the signs that something is wrong, put their marriage in jeoparty. Cheating is never the answer to feeling we have to fill up a need that we are lacking. Instead, it is best to do what it takes to work on problems and issues within the marriage before things get so bad. Commitment is the key word.

Answer 5

I think sometimes people need to make all the mistakes before they can see what is the right path. I tend to need to do that myself (not just in relationships).

Some cultures encourage a lot of sleeping around before marriage so that by the time you are married you have made all the mistakes, and can settle down. I think its quite a sensible idea.

I think the question for the other person is do they love them enough that they want them even when they have done stupid things, or does it prove that you really need someone better?

Answer 6

That's not always the case.

I dated a woman who wanted to leave her husband. I don't think she knew how to approach it directly, so took the tack of having an affair. After the affair was discovered, her husband didn't demand she leave. She ended up having another affair two months later with someone else. This time she just left.

Though I disagree with her method, her husband was very emotionally abusive, and she should have left him.

Later, she ended up in a relationship with me and the second guy she had an affair with. The three of us were very happy together for quite some time.

I still love them both, truth be told.

Answer 7

The mistake the cheater is referring to is getting caught.

You are mistaken in thinking that cheating is only caused by having a problem. Often women cheat for no reason at all.

Answer 8

Sometimes you don't know what's wrong with your relationship before you do something to totally screw things up and bring the smaller errors into light.

You get settled and stop working on the relationship, and then the mistakes creep in. Something as devastating as an affair really lets the light in and sweeps out the cobwebs pretty forcefully.

Answer 9

Most times they are very much aware but fail to take responsibility for their actions or even feel that it isn't that bad to the other person and then someones needs go unmet so long that even a affair that they know is wrong feels right.
When we fail to meet each others needs and make sacrifies an affair happens.

Answer 10

Because they are willing to try to do better. So, if you take him/her back remember to forgive you will never forget. And they don't want to loose a good woman/man. My parents always told me that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Make sure he/she takes STD and HIV tests before being intimate again. If he/she trully loves you and wants things to work out their should be no hesitation on doing so.