Is My Husband Cheating?

Question

I'm concerned that my husband is cheating on me. My husband has for the last few months been going to the VFW where he hangs out with drinking buddies. Monday's, Tuesdays is a drawing so he goes for this and Wed night he bowls. In Jan he got a new job and one night after we had gone to bed he got a call on his cell phone, I asked who it was and he said Gina, Julio's girlfriend. (Julio is the bartender at the VFW). I told him I did not think it was right for her to be calling him when he was married. He said it was nothing, she just called to tell him he did not win on the racing game. Then 3 days before our 17th anniversary I found him on messenger talking to Gina. Our sex life is good and he has been showing a lot of affection lately and wants sex a lot. Is this reason to suspect anything. He says that Gina is just a friend and he didn't think about it being a threat to us. Please help! Should I be digging deeper?

Answer 1

How much time is he spending alone with Gina? I don't think you really need to worry about this too much. Married men can have female friends as well. As long as he puts you first and is not secretive with you. Men have relationship problems too and a lot of the times, it needs a female point of view. I'm sure you have problems sometimes with your husband and you know you can't talk about it with him because he'll probably take it the wrong way. Maybe he's asking Gina how he can be more passionate with you and needs a female's point of view on that?

Answer 2

You've asked, and he's answered. Until you have some more concrete proof, then you're probably going to have to let it be.

However, woman's intuition is pretty correct, most of the time. I've also heard that men will also have sex more often with their wives when they're having an affair. I would be very concerned, if I were in your shoes. I'm of the opinion that you don't look outside the marriage for something that should be inside the marriage. If it's not there, then work on getting it there. Gina really has no place in your husband's life. Maybe tell him that you do consider her a threat to your marriage. Is there also any way you can go on some of these "outings" to the VFW with him?

Answer 3

I wouldn't implicate him for cheating just yet. If he spends so much time at the VFW, he could be involved in the soap opera semantics of his buddies and Gina could have been drunk or whatever. Never the less, he's spending an awful lot of time away from you, which isn't good for the relationship either.

Go to the VFW with him once or twice, just to let them know you exist. You'll also get a better feel for how things are unwinding based on how he acts with you being there and how THEY act with you being there. If he's been up to no good, some of them are bound to be uncomfortable.

So far, the evidence in circumstantial and you might be over-reacting. However, you need to get more involved to know for sure. He should probably give up a night or two at the VFW and find more time to be with you, too.

Answer 4

Are you able to get on the computer and cell phone and check his messages? If you can try this first, but most of all if you Love your husband and feels he loves you the both of you need to sit down and talk, you have concerns and you deserve an answer 17 years together is a long time to throw away because of being worried about this Gina lady. You will be able to tell depending on how he reacts to your conversation. Trust in a relationship is number 1 and right now your husband is giving you a reason not to trust him and you deserve to know if there is a problem in your relationship. As far as him showing a lot of affection lately and wants sex a lot can be many of reasons, I would say quilt is the number one reason.

Answer 5

if you truthfully think its nothing and you just don't like the fact that he is talking to another woman tell him that you don't appreciate it. most of the time if its nothing it will come to a stop but still would check things out for your own sanity. but at the same time there should be no reason for him to be messaging another woman or talking to another woman like that does Julio know about that? maybe you should ask your husband or why not ask Julio if he knows. i would not accept that from my husband. i would look into it if you don't you are going to drive yourself crazy. you are the only woman he should need for anything. if he needs to have friendly conversation, why not with you? Gina calls about the loss with the game why not Julio? and what is Gina doing with his cell number? if she wanted to talk to him why not call the house and even then that's stretching it. his nights out keep a tab honey, don't give him much freedom for a while when he goes out call every now and then see if he answers. i wouldn't get all worked up this is certainly not acceptable but is also easy to fix. while you at it get a hold of Gina's # and do you have access to his phone bill? if you do check it out. i hope that helps you out. be cool and calm in the process too.

Answer 6

Dig deeper. Could potentially be nothing although a lot of people have been known to "cheat" even by sneaking around and having conversations (IM, phone, e-mail, etc.). Sure, it may be an innocent friendship and then again it may be a fantasy, sexual or otherwise (which may explain the increased sex drive - sorry.)

How well do you know Gina? Maybe she's giving him pointers on how to improve your marriage and he's experimenting with them (which may explain the increased sex drive - yay!) Never know. I doubt it but the possibility exists.

If it makes you feel uncomfortable or unhappy, which it appears it is, then deal with it directly and honestly. 17 years is a lot of time to spend with someone so there is love there but there may be some boredom as well. Change up your marriage a little bit. Introduce new things into your lives (inside and outside the bedroom).

Answer 7

Go to the VFW with him. When he goes bowling go watch him and cheer him on. Surprise him at work with dinner one night. Never let him know when you are going to be showing up. Don't always be home when he gets home. So, he can't depend on you always being somewhere at the same time.
Keep a close eye on Gina, sounds like trouble to me. If she is married start talking to her better half and feel out what he thinks is going on. Keep your eyes and ears open. Check his cell phone for her number showing up alot. Good Luck. If you really questions get a detective. He will find out for sure. Its worth the money.

Answer 8

Well if Gina is the girlfriend of the bartender that he ALWAYS goes to, I doubt he would be cheating with her. I mean its not impossible. But if he has drinking buddies there, chances are he wouldnt do anything to "ruin" what he has there. Plus one of his buddies would notice, and I find it really hard to believe that not one of those buddies wouldnt tell their wife, and believe me if someones wife knew you would know!

If you have an issue with the Gina woman, you should tell him that you do. And that you would prefer that he only talks to her at the bar. If he complys then I dont think you have anything to worry about.

If he puts up a fit about it, maybe you should start digging deeper.

Answer 9

I would be very cautious. My husband cheated on me after 16 years. He would say he was going to the gym almost everynight. He would be getting calls on his cell saying it was about work. When actually he was cheating on me with a woman from work and a woman from the gym. He destroyed our marriage and broke up our family. Do you know anyone who you can trust that goes to the VFW? Maybe someone will confide in you if something is going on. I found out from someone who my ex-husband worked with. I thought we had a good relationship, but I was so wrong. I wish you the best.

Answer 10

just tell him that his frienship with gina is making you uncomfortable. I can't say whether or not he is cheating now, but i would be concerned that it may happen. One way to fix this is to tell him that you want to meet gina, and befriend her yourself. Or just show up down a t the VFW hall and "surprise" him with wanting to spend some time doing what he enjoys, and then get yourself an eyeful of what's going or not going on.