will my husband stop drinking?

Question

my husband loves to drink. i've asked him to stop. but he says that he won't. what should i do?

Answer 1

You either accept his drinking or decide it's a deal-breaker and move on.

Nobody can change his drinking habit but him. Is it something you dislike in general (drinking) or does he regularly drink to excess?

Answer 2

Was he drinking when you first met him and when you married him. The reason is some people meet someone fall in love with even though they have a habit you don't like, like drinking and you felt if you marry him you can change them. That is worst mistake someone makes , you can't change anyone by marrying and feel he willl love you so much that he will , like in your case, stop drinking. He will only stop when he decides he wants to but you can't make him , if start nagging or hold your love from him because he want stop drinking. You are making a terrible mistake that a lot of people make, if he was drinking when you married then you either live with It or get out of your marriage. You can't change anyone no matter how much he may love you, he'll start resenting you.

Answer 3

been there and I can tell you this he won't stop drinking until he wants too, and the sad thing about it is there is nothing we can do. We can chose to not be apart of there life but when you love someone it's hard to walk away. My husband sat and watched my mother die of serious of the liver she was only 54yrs old, and he still drinks. My mother was a sweet woman and I tired for years to get her to stop drinking but I couldn't and in the end my mother died a horrible death one I wish upon no one, but I can't change people no more than you all we can do is love them. I wish you and your family the best.

Answer 4

It sounds like he has a problem. I would ask if he will start cutting back.

My man smokes a pack a day. And he wants to quit but he cant, so we are working with just cutting it down slowly. Right now we are at a pack for every two days, andonce he is comfortable with that we will break him down again.

Maybe you should ask him if he will only have one beer a night, or drink only on saturdays, depending on how big his problem is.

You can also suggest going to counciling, however if hes not wanting to stop, it wont work.

Other then that, just stop bringing alochol into the house, keep other beverages and never drink around him. Unless hes going out every night drinking it should get atleast a little better if theres no temptation in the fridge.

Answer 5

To answer your question, no. Alcoholics and others with addictions are already in a relationship, it just isn't with you, and it won't ever be. Until he figures out a reason to stop, he won't. And the failure rate in AA is quite hi. If you continue to stay, you are the enabler, and you'll always be number two. If that's okay with you, fine. But no, hon, he won't stop drinking.... he's even told you that.

What should you do?

Lots of options. If you're educated, and can get your own life, and your own job, leave if you're unhappy. If you wish to leave but cannot financially, get back in school to better your employment status....time is on your side, if you wish it to be.(In those same few years, you could be financially independent.......) If you are too lazy, stay, suck it up, and waste your life with a drunk.... all your choice. If you need some help sorting out this issue, along with others, spend some buckos in a few sessions of counseling.... good luck, hon.

Answer 6

As long as he's drinking he's not in the relationship- PERIOD! Your involved with a shell of human, a shell whose decisions are made by the alcohol and not him.

Personally, I wouldn't be able to remain and still be happy and meet my most basic needs as there is probably limited happy/enjoyable future with him (once sober for a time, you'll see a different man-- one you may not recognize and one who didn't choose you in their sobriety but when alcohol was making the decisions); however, should you opt to stay, make some crystal clear demands and don't enable him:
** he must attend AA 4-5 times per week (rehab and AA have about the same success rate- <10%)
** he will get a sponsor and see/talk with sponsor 3-5 times per week for the first 3 months and no less than 2 times per week thereafter
** he will have no alcohol- period. Don't deviate- no excuses! If you deviate, the relationship is sacrificed and there's nothing there for you.
** you attend Al-Anon.. trust me, you'll need it
** he should not have therapy for the 1st year for him- avoid therapy until he's been sober and in AA and with a sponsor for 1 year. Most will tell you to attend therapy while becoming sober- this is counterproductive and will most likely compel him to relapse. He must 1st become sober.
** be supportive, but be prepared to walk away if he relapses 1-2 times.

Understand that his drinking is no longer a choice... it's a medical condition, an addiction that determines his life, one that he is powerless over until he gets help!

I know this must be extremely difficult for you and the solution is painful no matter which you you go.
Good luck!!!

Answer 7

He won't stop the drinking until he is ready to stop! Sometimes he has to hit bottom first to get the help! You might want to go to those AA support groups for spouse's of a drunk! Good Luck!

Answer 8

Probably not, most acholics won't stop they can't. My husband is an acholic too and I always begged him to stop. He never did and his drinking whinded him up in prison for over a year now. Now I am waiting. Sucks but he will quit or I will leave when he comes home.

Answer 9

He wont quit until he is ready. Mine drank like a fish when we met 6 years ago, hes down to a few beers a week now and nothing hard. You don't quit drinking until you figure out that what you are looking for isn't at the bottom of the bottle. Find out why he is drinking, that would be a start and work on that issue. Don't fight with him over it, that only makes it worse. Then he will be drinking to escape your nagging. Good luck

Answer 10

What do you mean by drinking? Does he have 1-2 beers with a meal a few times a week? If so, there's nothing wrong with that.

Is he an alcoholic? Is he a mean drunk? If so, he needs to attend AA meetings and you both need marriage counseling. If he won't go, you can go to counseling alone and attend Al-Anon meetings to help you determine what you need to do.

Answer 11

You can do nothing here. If he is going to stop drinking, he's going to have to want to. Is he an alcoholic? Maybe you should try going to an AlAnon meeting/group. They would have more information. But many times the alcoholic has to hit absolute rock bottom before they're willing to accept they have a problem.