if youve had a tough time in life and faced alot of adversity why is it that people treat you differently?

Question

and feel sorry for you?
when its not wanted.
im proud and i dont like people to know im hurting or going through hell or facing alot of adversity.
and it seems that its inevitable that people will treat you like a charity case, because of what youve been through, like your tainted in everyones eyes.
im 29 and since 15 have suffered with borderliner personality disorder. it seriously for me has been 1 long dark tunnel, its been very tough, and im not out of that dark lonely tunnel yet.
im waitin for therapy, which i know will be long term.
i feel very bitter and angry at the way my lifes gone so far.
the way my lifes not the way i want it.
i find it difficult to form relashionships, and dont have any friends. so i live a lonely existance and struggle on alone.
but ill be damned if im gonna have people feel sorry for me
and treat me like a charity case
id rather eat my own vomit for eternity

but i do want acceptance, a life, girls a job, to emigrate.
but i dont want to be viewed or treated differently

treated like a social lepoar.
and people can tend to do this

Answer 1

i think that peoploe treat u differently because of there own fears and insecurities which particular personality disorder do you have as bpd is a broad spectrum annalasise covering everything frommild ocd to explosive personality disorder
the reason i ask is because if you know and understand you disorder then you can help educate the people that don't understand themselves. this may help them to treat you as you should be treated as a perfectly normal human being

Answer 2

Society prefers the victim mentality. After you have gone through the rituals that victims have to suffer at the hands of society you will earn it in their eyes to be a survivor.
Society as a whole doesn't like survivor mentality. It usually means a Free Spirit and those are not necessarily conducive to the good of a materialistic consumer orientated society. A survivor doesn't follow and goes against the grain.
Can't explain it, i hope you get where i'm coming from.
I'm 42 now. Refused to be a victim my whole life. Met some good people alomg the way and have learnt a lot. Met many more who have labelled me for my independence. Anything from schizophrenic to ADHD with borderline personality somewhere halway. I blame gravity
. Some say i am brave ... so friggin what? It never achieved me anything. Saying that i found my soulmate at 37 and we have a litlle girl now.
Hang in there, keep questioning and thread carefully regarding therapy. Many therapists in my experience are in need of some therapy themselves. Not that any would dream of admitting it. But the best ones will make a joke of it all ;-)

Answer 3

People shouldn't treat you like a 'charity case', but having compassion for what you're going through shouldn't be rejected by you. I think it's important for you to be willing to accept sincere care and empathy from other people; it might help you make friends.

I think if you really didn't want people to care about what you're going through, you wouldn't have posted this question in the first place, especially describing the way you're feeling. Feelings are important. So is therapy. But friends and close relationships with humans outside of your therapist's office are vital to your social success - not to mention your self-image and your confidence.

Try to let people get to know the you that is apart from your struggles. If you can rise above them, so can the people who are worthy of your friendship. Don't dwell on it and don't say that you don't want their sympathy. It basically means you do.

I've been through a lot of crap, too. Honestly, I'd rather have people sympathy, understanding, and acceptance despite that, instead of being too proud to let them in in the first place. I'd rather have that than have them dislike me because I was so proud that I pushed them away.

Good luck ...

Answer 4

I've got a BSc (Hons) in Psychology and I'm telling you it's the signals you are giving out. Some people liked to be abused. Others like to abuse. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, be positive and you may get some friends

Answer 5

People either hate, fear, or pity whats different from the norm. It's not right but its what we do. Theres no justifying it and I'm sorry that you've had to deal with this. I'd like to say that things will get better for you but I can't as I'm no pyshic and don't believe in such nonsense. I geuss the best thing to do would be to just hang in there.

Answer 6

its probably because they dont know how else to treat you. with out realising it you may give off aggressive vibes and because people are unsure of you they will try to offer a more conciliatory attitude towards you. try showing everyone you like them and feel comfortable with them, you will find they respond in a similar way.
we all have tough times, maybe not as tough as yours and most of us have difficulties communicating sometimes, most of us respond to sympathy, and so most offer sympathy expecting that to be acceptable. it is a learnt response and usually automatic

Answer 7

Maybe they feel sorry for you because this is your only topic of conversation. I've read your many, many other questions and they are all in the same "poor me" vein and whatever people answer doesn't seem to help....have you tried professional counselling?

Answer 8

Adversity comes to all in one form or another & its your attitude to life is what matters the most believe me

Answer 9

ive had alot of ups and downs a lot of it my own making,we all make mistakes,i dont like sorry,s or pity,i dont feel sorry for you but ill be your friend if you want,no probs.

Answer 10

I just want to let you know that you are not alone. I am 21 and I know EXACTLY what you mean.