Husband of 5 years moved out after a bitter argument. He says he loves me, still wants to be friends, doesn't want to get divorced and wants to spend time with me, hugs me, tries to kiss me...but still wants a place of his own. He says he doesn't want a divorce either. My instinct initially was to fight for him, but now I am just angry. He left me with the house payment and all the bills and then thinks he can just erase us from his life.
I can't figure out by his actions whether he is considering hanging on to the relationship or not, but either way I don't want to be kept hanging forever. How long should I wait before I just move on with my life? I think if he knew that I was not moping around he might get jealous and try to rekindle, but now I'm not so sure that is what I want. I don't want to be made a fool of.
2007-03-28 05:34:23 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Move on there is someone else sounds to me. But dont just move on into another relationship just yet. Just get on your emotional feet and start walking.
2007-03-28 05:41:32 · answer #1 · answered by keithleyjustin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Give your husband the time and space he needs to get past some of this. Do not force or push him to come back home. Give him the time and space that he needs. At least he still wants the marriage so this is a good thing right? I also suggest you both go to marriage counseling together. I also suggest you guys take a course or a class in conflict resolution to help you learn how to better communicate and get through disagreements and conflicts in a more positive manner. He cannot erase you from his life no matter what since he is still married to you. You need to start to get past the anger that you feel and learn how to deal with the things at hand in a more positive manner so you and your life with your husband can get better. Choose to forgive and love instead of hating and bitterness and you will be a much better person for it. You also need to sit down with him and aks him exactly what it is he wants out of the relationship and marriage with you. Let him tell you the answer to this.
2007-03-28 12:53:08 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1) ... Forget about the "being made a fool of." That is not what is going on here.
2) Your husband has decided to take a break from being married..unilaterally. He has his own place, can do what he wants without supervision, in reality, see who he wants, while you are chained to children, house, etc.
3) His actions are that of a 15 year old who has decided he does not want to go steady anymore. I strongly suggest getting in touch with a lawyer....a legal separation is in order, he must make payments as if he lived in the house, child support, mortgage, etc.
He is keeping you hanging on ... I have no idea why. Does he just want you as a fixture to be at his beck and call? Don't be silly. We just don't get breaks from marriage, no time off for good behavior... And as far as his getting jealous, tough! Get yourself separated. This is NOT the kind of husband that will be there for you in the future if times get rough again. Good luck
2007-03-28 12:48:08 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He wants the best of both worlds, having someone to go to for some needs and then being on his own to avoid major issues (marriage). Work out the argument if you can and tell him that he has to move back in if he truly wants to stay married. Be sure you know what you want from him and tell him so before getting back together.
If you both can't move past this issue (or others), then consider filing for divorce. Don't stay in a relationship if your the only one fighting to keep your marriage together. Men seldom change, until it's too late.
2007-03-28 12:55:32 · answer #4 · answered by trojan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him you want some space from him so that you can decide on what you really want and that he needs to do the same. And during that time you don't want him coming around. It would be best though to settle your disagreement and start that time with the disagreements resolved so that both of you can really get in touch with your true feelings. You never know what you really had until it's gone, so maybe that little time apart will confirm for both of you what each wants. Can't keep holding on if the other keeps letting go. Marriage is a compromise, but it's have an equal amount of give and take. Just my opinion on how you should handle it. Can't really tell you what the best solution would be, just what I would probably do. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-28 12:49:10 · answer #5 · answered by krankit8 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he has already moved out and got his own place, Id say right now is a good time to start moving on. Sure hes kissing and trying to love you, God forbid he should let you go completely before he figures out what and who he wants. Id file for the divorce on abandonment. If you let him come back after he scratches this itch, when is the next time? You will always wonder if he is coming home, what he did when not with you, and if hes still doing it. All the while you will feel like a fool for letting him come back. I wish you the strength to move on with your life. And hold onto that anger, its better than being depressed over it, it gives you more strength to do what you want to do.
2007-03-28 12:43:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Husband moved out and has his own place. He left you as you say "with the house payment and all the bills". And you don't want to be made a fool. Dear he has already done that. Time for you to move on.
2007-03-28 12:54:55 · answer #7 · answered by Monty L 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
as long as he can "have his cake and eat it to" he will. What motivation does he have to come back or leave. He is using you. Let him go COMPLETELY. Then if he comes back 100% accept him back if you still want to. You can not let him dangle you on a string. You must not give him an ultimatum either. Just drop him and move on. Thats the only way he will really know what he has lost. Don't be mean or waste your time plotting against him. Even if you are crying your eyes out every night and day- do not let him know it. It gives him the upper hand. Good luck to you.
2007-03-28 12:50:52 · answer #8 · answered by momof2 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Without knowing the whole situation it sounds to me that he wants his cake and to eat it too. He sounds as if he is holding on to you to fall back on if or when he doesn't have someone else to warm his bed. You are most likely right that as soon as he finds out you moved on he will want you back. My advice is to get a divorce and move on. Do not take him back, if he could walk away from you and responsibility once and you took him back, he will do it again and again. Put your foot down and say enough of the childishness. Walk on your own two feet and forget about him. Besides you waiting is just adding stress and you will eventually end up paying for his "mistakes" or added bills.
2007-03-28 12:47:30 · answer #9 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Forget him. If he wants to work it out then he needs to come home to do it. If he wants a place of his own then he needs to leave you the hell alone to go on with your life.
I say call a lawyer and file for divorce, or at least separation. If you don't no matter what you will end up looking like a fool.
2007-03-28 12:41:47 · answer #10 · answered by kauai_lvr 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well first of all don't go out looking for a way to make him jealous. If you still want your marriage give him a time limit, and tell him to pay some bills. If he is against something that simple forget it.
2007-03-28 12:42:40 · answer #11 · answered by Stitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋