Do you think it's out of line that my husband spent an hour on the phone with my friend?

Question

My friend called my home number yesterday, thinking she would reach me. I wasn't home, my husband picked up the phone, and she told me they talked for about an hour. (She called my cell phone right after.) When I got home, he just mentioned that she called...nothing about a long conversation. She is a trustworthy friend and we've all hung out together before. Do you think this is out of line? I feel angry and hurt because I don't feel right about it...we're having problems right now, and i wouldn't spend that amount of time talking to any one of his friends, no matter how close we were. I would just feel uncomfortable.

Answer 1

There is nothing wrong with that. I take my fiancee friends out for dinner and to the movies when she has to work in the evening or nightshift. They were her friend first but mine now too.

Answer 2

If you don't trust him, it doesn't matter how long he was talking on the phone, or who he was talking to. If you trusted him, you wouldn't care. If you have reason not to trust him, you need to get out of the relationship. If it is just paranoia, you need to go to couples therapy or individual therapy, or he should leave you. A trustless relationship is an unhealthy relationship.

P.S. All the paranoid women on here probably don't have good relationships, judging from how they jump to conclusions that there is something wrong with talking to someone. What if they were planning a surprise birthday party, or discussing the fact that this woman is probably depressed and what they could do as people who care about her to help her.

Don't jump to conclusions, find out the truth. Since the friend was so open about the length of the conversation, ask her. Men often don't remember details of things like hour long phone conversations like women do.

Answer 3

Wow, an hour of talk is pretty long. That goes beyond the casual how are you chit chat. I'm not saying that your husband is cheating or doing anything wrong behind your back, but I think it was pretty insensitive of both your husband AND your friend to spend that much time on the phone together.

Have a nice friendly chit chat for 5 minutes? Sure. But for an hour? I think one of them should have ended the call much earlier.

I would be a bit urked if I were in your shoes :\

Answer 4

Not necessarily out of line. I've done that too and never spoke with the friend again. Don't be too hasty. Maybe you should have asked him and/or her what they talked about for so long, but you allowed your "other" feelings to get in the away and didn't do the reasonable thing to clear all doubts. Now you're stewing with suspicions that may be totally unnecessary and spoiling the possibilities of making amends.
Listen to yourself: "She's a trustworthy friend" (?) HAH! Maybe they even talked about the problems you're having and even tried to help!!! A guy some times wants to hear another woman's point of view too, you know?
You're having problems, (whatever) don't blame yourself for what you feel, but also try to be reasonable and give him/them the benefit of the doubt, will you? Be cool.

Answer 5

Hard to say anything certain without knowing you, but here are my thoughts...

It's not necessarily a big deal, especially since they both mentioned it to you. I often talk to my boyfriend's friends (and even his parents) for longer on the phone than he does, even when they ring up to speak to him and he's there. It's possible that your friend and your husband managed to talk for an hour without saying anything of any interest at all - I mean, just mundane things like how people they know are doing and how work is, etc. Stuff that your husband knows you already know. It's also possible that if you are going through a rough patch, he just needed a friendly voice. Maybe he just fancied a chat with someone - anyone, it didn't matter who?

Like I said, hard to say, but based on what you've said, I wouldn't jump to any negative conclusions.

Answer 6

maybee he saw that because she was your friend and another woman that he could maybe get a point of view on the situation. it does seem weird when your man talks to your girls i know, but some people have a need to talk, and if you trust your girlfriend she should let you know if the conversation had anything in it that he shouldn't have left out, unless they both keep secrets. but i would just talk to her and if you feel the need to confront him with why he forgot to mention it and do it in a calm non suspecting way maybe he will open up to you if thats the issue

Answer 7

I'm sure your friend has your best interests at heart and ISN'T after your man.
I'm sure you tell her things about your relationship, that you should be talking to your husband about instead. And when they had an hour long conversation, maybe she was telling him the things that you are feeling that you are not communicating with your husband. Maybe he needed to HEAR things from an outside source.

Answer 8

Sounds like he's the problem - not your friend.

She was totally open and obviously thought nothing of it. He was underhanded and untruthful about what the situation really was.

I'd be upset too and he's probably being untruthful about other things.

It does sound like you have an honest friend though - those are worth more than men any day. :)

Answer 9

from my point of view you shouldn't get all worked up about it... if this happen to me... what would upset me the most is the fact that he didn't mention the long conversation to me! from past experiences the "friends" that are always around and don't have a man nor a life of there own are the ones that screw there "friends" men! believe it or not "there may be friends that you can trust your man around and then you have them friends that you can't trust around your man!"

Answer 10

that deff would upset me... esp if he didnt mention it.... I think he needs someone to talk to and she called at that moment.. try talking to him more and ask him why he talked to her so long... u just may need to show him more attention... but i deff understand how upset u would be... I would of confronted him right away and told him ur friend told u they talked for an hour... just to let him know ur friend is trustworthy...