My husband spends more time on the computer than with me. Also, whenever an issue arises and we need to talk or solve it together; he brushes it off and goes to his computer. I don't know how to talk to him anymore and the sad part is we have been married less than a year. This is an everyday thing. How can i better communicate with him?
2007-03-28 04:49:59 · 19 answers · asked by Neglected 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You've got to find out what he's up to. It could be anything from plans for a new house to cybersex. However well intentioned or diabolical, he's definitely avoiding the 'realities' of loving his new wife. Some people say the first year of marriage is the biggest adjustment in life. I guess you didn't expect this.
Time for an adjustment.
2007-03-28 05:19:44 · answer #1 · answered by Sultan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brushing off things that need to be discussed will lead to more problems. Follow him in and tell him that this is something the both of you must come to a decision on. Thats the only solution next to disabling the computer, which you don't want to do.
The only "up" side to this is at least you know where he always is.
These solutions offered such as "e-mail him' or "get your own computer and talk to him" are insane. Verbal communication needs to keep going. Its broken down completely if you have to resort to using another computer to get your message across.
2007-03-28 11:59:43 · answer #2 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I had the exact same problem with mine. It took years for him to tell me that he felt overwhelmed being a husband and all the responsibilities that came with it.
My husband really missed was having time to himself. I on the other hand didn't have many hobbies and wanted to spend time with him.
Give your husband some space. Maybe you can negotiate days of the week that he can spend on the computer. If you keep pushing he will keep withdrawing. Find something to do that doesn't involve him directly and maybe go to him with a couple of solutions instead of just the problems.
I know men in general don't like to hear problems all the time and if he's overwhelmed like mine was then letting him pick one of the solutions will help him feel more in control.
2007-03-28 12:16:15 · answer #3 · answered by english_sweetie2001 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would start by talking to him at dinner away from the house. Be nice about it, don't jab his eye out because you don't think your getting through to him.
I would try to come up with a compromise as far as a time to talk, besides in a few years you'll be glad he's not bothering you. j/k
If talking doesn't help I would seek professional counseling, my wife and I talk all the time, but we do seem to have the good ones on a trip, the only problem with doing that is if he were to get angry while driving,but only you can answer that.
Before you do or say anything, set down by yourself and try to figure out when and why things started going down hill.
Hope this helps
2007-03-28 12:06:03 · answer #4 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well I can relate...my fiance spends too much time on the comp as well. Your husband probably runs to the computer when you have a fight because it is an escape and it is addicting. Like a drug...maybe you need to say that you've had it and you want the two of you to go to counseling.If he says no or runs to the comp maybe tell him your gunna leave his sorry ***. Good luck
2007-03-28 11:59:38 · answer #5 · answered by lovebug512 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is exactly why most marriages fail, because one or both parties involved CANT COMMUNICATE. Disconnect the computer, tell him you NEED To talk and take a serious approach to all of this. Lay out what you want to discuss and do it. IF he leaves or gets ready to leave, tell him you dont think this is working out. TRUST ME, once you start putting the idea of leaving him on the table, most men will change their ways.
2007-03-28 12:03:52 · answer #6 · answered by Angel Eve 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since he is on the computer, try emailing him, or writing him a letter, and place it on the keyboard. I also agree with addressing the issue of commuication away from home. Such as having dinner, or taking a weekend getaway. Sometimes when you take yourself out of home and go somewhere else (with some privacy of course) it helps. If you do the weekend getaway make sure it a "Romantic getaway."
2007-03-28 12:09:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does he do on the computer? First just to be sure go behind him and change the security setting not to allow certain types of sites. Put your foot down and don't lift a finger for him until he decides he's hungry enough to talk.
2007-03-28 11:57:11 · answer #8 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
E-mail him and tell him all your feelings clearly and factually, but not too emotionally. Don't be blaming him, state the facts.
Plan it out, rehearse it and make it good and to the point. Take your time, because it has taken time for you to get where you are.
Whatever he has found on the internet has trained him to perceive things better that way. But be clear as to the problem, your feelings and your needs.
2007-03-28 11:57:54 · answer #9 · answered by forlove 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can either get a computer of your own to communicate with him, you can buckle down and take it because this is probably how the marriage is going to be, you can unplug the computer and get rid of it or you can leave.
2007-03-28 11:56:50 · answer #10 · answered by Mean Carleen 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋