6 years ago I was hospitalized. I have a deterioriating Disc Desease. I have been through years of PT and two fusions in my neck. I am disabled but my family still think because I no longer have to work a job that I can use my Carpentry skills to serve them anytime for anything. How can I spell it out to all of them, what D-I-S-A-B-I-L-I-T-Y means. The pain is horrible and I take morphine 2 times a day for it. What is it that they don't get? What my body has left wll get me and me alone by for the rest of my life. I am not my families on call mr fix it. My Parents are the worst for wanting me to do extraordinary things for them and around their place. I have 2 brothers and a sister who do nothing for them and they are able bodied, yet I do work for them too. I need to say no but my folks are nearly 80.
2007-03-28 04:47:27 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ General Health Care ➔ Injuries
this is a hard discussion to have; it usually falls to one family member that takes care of parents - for good or bad
my suggestions:
1) by your info, your other syblings live close etc. - if your are the only one around, it may be time for a family meeting (phone or better in person) with out the parnets to discuss what to do as they get old. someone needs to start working on the financial and medical side also (who speaks for them if they can't, deals with docs or IRS etc if they are not at full capacity)
2) when you parents call - which they will, tell them (doesn't matter what type of job) that it is a * 2 person job * and you will need to have help - tell them you will call brother (s) or sister or her husband and arrange to come over (set time)
3) call brothers etc with task and say WE need to help mom out and do "whatever" what time is good for you. (don't take no for an answer)
4) if they will not give you a time - then push; if they still will not help, then go back to parents and tell them you need a second person and can't get done without the help and that you can't get help. - they need to call offending sibling to get them to help.
5) when the time is set and confirmed - go; if they don't show , DON"T do work - tell parents have to reschedule and make it clear that it is offending sibligs fault.
6) Job prpbalby doesn't need 2 but you are the BRAINS and they are the BRAWN - you let them do job with your guidence, do not do job, tell them how/ right tools etc.
after you have done this for a while, you can hopefully train someone esle to help.
no more doing jobs; you are being taken advantage of
J
2007-03-28 05:02:30 · answer #1 · answered by jewells_40 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was gonna write:
Put a sticky note on your forehead
"in pain"
jewells and blfbelch
gave really good answers
though I'd combine the three
"2 person job"
"don't let them catch you, as they will try"
and
do not fetch and carry, get the "right" tool,
hold the other end of something to help out, etc.
Tell the other sib you need to sit in a chair,
have the sib get the chair positioned for you,
and because your sibs have such a short-term memory about you,
put a sticky note on your forehead.
2007-03-28 07:40:38 · answer #2 · answered by also... 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm so sorry that you are suffering with such an agonizing disease.
My father has it as well, and has found if he 'makes' himself get up on those bad days, then he actually begins to feel better. He is not on morphine, but does get cortisone (I think) injections directly into the area every other month and they really help revitalize him. He's 72, and still gets on the tractor at least twice a week!
I say to stay busy, regardless of the pain - don't let it steal you from your family!
2007-03-28 04:57:11 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you need to get some information on the desease. my mother has it in the base of her spine and is now in a wheel chair. what you have to do is get them all together and then show them information on exactly what it is. ask your doctor if their is a video on the disease and let them watch it and see how bad it will progress over time then leave it with them. then it is up to you to say no. because unless you want the desease to progress quicker then you have to stop doing the things you can no longer do. you don't want to end up in a wheel chair for the rest of your life. this is a serious thing
2007-03-28 05:04:18 · answer #4 · answered by ozzie angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's quite unfortunate. I totally understand you I've heard similar stories from people with back injuries. Why don't you just show them medical proof? If they still wish to dismiss your condition, then GET AWAY from them. They'll only make you increase your morphine dosage.. families can be such a pain in the ***!
2007-03-28 04:56:23 · answer #5 · answered by I, in wonderland 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
print out information from the internet on deteriorating disc disease, and highlight the stuff that applies to you, and try explaining to them that you would love to help them and be their go-to guy, but because of this condition, you are in a ton of pain just from doing to normal day to day stuff, let alone the handy man jobs. Other than that, just learn to say no. You can't take help take care of your folks if you keep hurting yourself. Or say yes, but hire someone to do it for you.
2007-03-28 04:53:04 · answer #6 · answered by strawberryshortcaketex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the answers so far are pretty accurate. they didnt say however that if you are seen doing that kind of stuff for your family and friends they can stop your disability checks and make you pay back. the insurance people can take you to court saying you are not as hurt as you claim if you can do it for your family. they can send investigators to get pics of you doing what youarent supposed to and use them against you. you need to tell your family no and dont let up. if you have a spouse and kids you need to think about what will happen if you loose your benefits.
2007-03-28 05:02:54 · answer #7 · answered by wlfbelcher 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sure your brothers and sister talk behind your back saying, ya, he hit the lotto with an early retirement. Meaning, he is faking most of his injuries. They are inconsiderate a**holes if you ask me. I too have the same situation. They always have that smirk when the ask me how I feel and it pisses me off to no end. If they knew how social security and your pensionair runs you through the Doctors before giving you an ou of service sign they woud shut up.
2007-03-28 04:52:33 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I too am injured. It is a TERRIBLE burden for our family members to have to continuously accept us as unable to perform for them, I have some of the same problems.
How about taking your siblings to the doctor with you? Unfortunately, it seems like the family is unable to accept our condition forever-I have been treated very badly by my wife's family and therefore do not want to burden them with my presence. Maybe we need to get away from our families for a while to let them have a period of respite from our injuries being "thrust" upon their lives. If you want to email for more of my thoughts, add your address. Good luck!
2007-03-28 04:56:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You say, "I am sorry but the more I do work the more I compound my injury, but I would be happy to help in any other way but physical".
You are no longer Mr. Fix-it, and you need to make it clear because you could possibly compound your injury enough to be worse!
2007-03-28 04:54:27 · answer #10 · answered by Chali 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋