I have been invloved off and on, with a guy for the last 2 years. I have come to the conclusion after a long time that I for some reason have a fear of commitment. We get to a certain point and I put up a wall, but then I always want to be with him. Anyway, it took me 2 years to actually realize and admit this and I feel like a new person. However, he won't get back together with me right now because its just very hard for him, and I understand this. We are going to try to work through this though. My question is, has anyone experienced that? What happened?
Just wanted to add that I know I love him. Theres no question about that.....
Im not so much asking what to do but more looking for people who had the same issue and got through it
2007-03-28 04:33:00 · 9 answers · asked by Kisses 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Yep, been there done that got married. The thing about this kind of thing is, it seems like no one is ever really on the same page until you're at least engaged or even married. It always seems like one is more excited/committed to the relationship than the other in the dating stage. My advice, and what helped me, is just take it slow and do all you can to help him trust you and be open with him.
2007-03-28 04:40:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Personally, I didn't go through this, but I watched a friend. A little different story, but kind of the same. She was interested in a guy she worked with when she lived in another state... he wasn't interested in her right away, and when he became interested she had already put up a wall so she wouldn't get hurt.
It has been 4 years since then, he has held on ever since. Not dated a single person, and they've never even kissed. She loves him, and is in love with him now. They talk every night for hours, he visits her now that she's moved back home... which is a six hour drive. And he tells her that she's the one and he's never giving up.
However, recently she's been trying to unbreak the wall she built.. and it hasn't been easy. She goes back and forth and questions things, and his poor heart has had enough. It seems like he has changed now, which I would imagine I would to if I were him.
He no longer feels ready for marriage, needed a break from talking to her, and yet still says one day he wants to be with her, but just can't right now.
She, of course, now wants to be with him. So she's waiting it out and just trusting that it will happen if it's meant to happen.
Being married to the man of my dreams, I can tell you one thing... it WILL happen when and if it's meant to happen.
Give him some time, respect his heart and his feelings (i'm sure he's been through a lot) and wait it out. WAIT for him. Dont' date anyone else. Show him your serious and that you want him now.
After feeling like he wasn't getting anywhere (as my friends guy felt) he probably just wants to feel desired.
2007-03-28 04:41:54 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've been in a dating with a dedication phobic guy for practically 3 years now. There had been increasingly indicators of it surfacing approximately a 12 months and a part to 2 years into the connection. I did not recognise what was once occurring due to the fact that I proposal that matters had been going so good after which all of a sudden he was once displaying all type of combined emotions and movements - most likely whilst he felt we had been getting too near, too critical. I did slightly study and observed a ebook known as "Men Who Can't Love" by way of Steven Carter and Julia Sokol. After studying this, I did have extra of an information of matters and amazed myself to discover that I too and am a dedication phobic! This is why we're regularly pulling away and closer to every different. To make matters worse, we're each Gemini's - so it is like having 4 men and women within the dating. ;) Anyway, you can also wish to learn the ebook even though it's geared closer to dedication phobic guys, it definite opened my eyes approximately my possess movements and emotions.
2016-09-05 19:01:53 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my gosh... YES... i have that problem.... but in my case i think it came from being in a bad relationship for almost 6 yrs.... and finding out the last 3 yrs he was cheating... i dont know why i stayed that long but.... thats beside the point... soooo Now, im with the sweetest guy ever... but for some reason, i put a wall every now and then when i think that im letting my guard down.... and even though i know im doing it, i cant change.... i just told him one day how i felt and y i do it... and told him that i do want ot be with him, but just to help me out with it.... and when i get that way just to not get angry or try to pin me down... b/c i also have a fear of losing my independence.... soooooo i think where im going with all this is... just be open and honest with him, and tell him why and how he can help.... ??? I know the feeling sucks, but hang in there.... love is great but you have to take the chance.... :)
2007-03-28 04:54:32 · answer #4 · answered by 123 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When hanging out with one of my buddies a while ago, he tells me that he thinks I’m scared of commitment. My first reaction was to defend myself against this allegation, I’m not scared of commitment, I’m just independent! But then I really got to thinking about his comment.
Here I am… I’m a single woman in my early twenties. I’ve completed my college education which I paid for entirely myself. I work at a professional job in my field of study. I rent a townhouse with some roommates. Yes, society may classify me as successful, independent woman; but what is it that lies below that facade of independence?
And the more I think of it, the more I agree with my buddy, I have an intense fear of commitment! So, what is it that terrifies me about being committed to something or someone?
I think its waking up to the same person everyday and not ever experiencing that thrill of a first date, first kiss or first anything again. I mean I wonder to myself how can my parents do it, how can they still have things to talk about after 28 years!
The thing is, yeah maybe I am scared but it was time to let go of my fears and actually just go for it. No, i didnt rush into anything but I told myself if Im going to get scared all the time, then Im going to let my fears end something that I may have for the rest of my life!
Hope I helped!
xoxoxooxox
2007-03-28 04:46:19 · answer #5 · answered by Roxanne dp 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
what is the underlying reason for the fear of commitment?......I know what you are talking about as I experience that to...get to a certain point and it's like a wall just comes up...like something inside says ok that is close enough.....if you love him as you say....you will find a way to make it work......think back, even go for counselling to heal the reason for the commitment fear.......and then move on and find the happiness
2007-03-28 06:07:59 · answer #6 · answered by mystic_whispers_of_my_soul 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It took counseling, time and a wonderful,patient person, but were now newlyweds going on 12 yrs. now
She's the last love I'll ever have, as she proved her commitment to me by waiting.
Hope this helps
2007-03-28 04:42:43 · answer #7 · answered by walker9842 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean about walls & THE FEAR<>>>>> BUT.... 2 people who want to be together will some how ....some way...... No excuses!!!!!!!!!
2007-03-28 04:39:46 · answer #8 · answered by lilly l 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YUP, its happened to me also... and it took me along time to see that what i was doing was pushing the 'one' i really do love away. farther and farther bc of MY own issues. U need to talk to someone...sort things out...b4 u hurt him again.
ITS A YOU ISSUE...so UR the one who has to do the work!
2007-03-28 04:40:44 · answer #9 · answered by lisa baby... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋