My husband and I have been married for 1 year. He has 2, I have 2. His come every other weekend. When they come, he is completely different to mine. We try very hard to make our family "ours" not mine and yours, but I don't think he has as much patience with my kids. We have been together almost 3 years and are still really in the process of getting everyone used to our new life. My kids father is awesome! We all have a really good relationship since we divorced after 7 years of marriage, but he does not discipline the kids. I make sure I make the rules and my husband backs me up, but we are still having problems just in this area. Yesterday, I made a "praise" jar, "job" jar, and "sorry" jar. I hope this helps with the bickering and disrespect from the kids. Now what to do about the way my husband reacts to the kids.....He feels if they change, he will change. I feel he has to earn their trust and respect and that takes time. HELP!!!
2007-03-28 04:27:17 · 7 answers · asked by Beth 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hi Beth, you really are dealing with a difficult situation. One thing to keep in mind is that you are going to be more sensitive when his kids are around, and like a good mother you will become more protective of your kids. Try for a moment to think of it from his perspective, he only gets to see his kids 4 days per month maybe 6...and during this time, it is very hard for parents to discipline "visiting kids", parents try to make their stay as pleasant as possible and work hard so that he kids look forward to their next visit. All that being said, your husband needs to realize that it takes time to develop both respect and for him to "earn" the right to discipline. You should encourage the kids to respect him, and make sure there are serious repercussions if they dont, but he can't expect them to automatically make him "daddy" because he married you. With time I think both you, your husband, and all the kids will grow accustomed to the new arrangements and will feel comforable letting guards down to enjoy this new family experience. I hope this was helpful...good luck
2007-03-29 06:24:38 · answer #1 · answered by brazilian76 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to be as caring to children that aren't your own when they are constantly doing things to get on your nerves. Is he disrespecting them? Being mean to them? He has only known your children for a little over a year, that he wants to be with you and them right now is great. He should try to be more loving to them, but if you can't persuade him, also remember this. It is almost impossible after just one year for him to have the bond with them that he has with his own children, this will take time. Is he also allowed to step in and discipline the children? To make decisions with you about them? It helps if he has the same authority as you do. Otherwise he might feel helpless and just push himself away from the situation. Try to have some family time with no distractions, and give the relationships a chance to build. :) It takes time, but it should happen beautifully. :) I wish you all the best in this new life. :)
2007-03-28 04:35:01 · answer #2 · answered by Kendra 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is looking at it all wrong,If he wants to be with you he needs to (want) to be with your kids too! It's a pakage deal.If he gives the kids respect they will do that same to him.They are only children and only reacte to what there given in additude. They learn theres by watching his. If he is cold and uncarring towards them (weather he realizes it or not) They will pick that up and play it back to him. Always put your kids first even if they don't live with you full time.And never put up with anyone not wanting to work with the kids. It sounds like he just don't like them around. If he did,he would be doing all he could and having fun too.
2007-03-28 04:35:53 · answer #3 · answered by spoiledsarah25 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You gotta side with your husband. Kids respect parents because they are parents. If your husband has not done anything to destroy respect, such as lie to your children, then he is not unreasonable to expect polite respect.
It's not reasonable for him to expect perfection, but rather that the two adults establish a standard and you both hold the children, all the children, to that standard.
Then you have a private conversation with him, establishing your mutually agreed upon set of standards for both yours and his behavior when it comes to the children.
2007-03-28 04:38:09 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think he needs to see that they can't change unless they see him being genuine. kids feel the darndest things. and u or your husband can't change that. you can only act how you wangt them to act and hope they follow. Your new husband needs to realize that they rae key word kids. He is an adult and needs to do whatever it takes so you guys live how u want to. If you want to be happy and have an easy going family than thats the type of life you need to lead. Its true. you get what you surround yourself with. Its always hard with kids and change. good luck
2007-03-28 04:31:58 · answer #5 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He feels if they change, he'll change? Who's the adult?
He is being very immature to expect children to magically change. Change only happens when the adults show by example. Have him watch Super-nanny!!!
Get some family counseling if you can...parenting classes will help also.
2007-03-28 04:32:45 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Better take that one to the Lord.
2007-03-28 04:30:01 · answer #7 · answered by mikey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋