Should I prosecute him? Or drop the charges?

Question

As some of you may know, my boyfriend of 7 years has been physically and emotionally abusive. On a friend's advice, I talked to the doctor yesterday to have it documented. What I didn't know is that they're obligated to call the police. They arrested him, and he's now in jail.

The question of whether or not to prosecute was hard enough, especially with him using his one phone call to tell me he loves me and ask me to stay with him and all of the typical things he says.

But this morning, the arresting officer called me and said that he has priors in another city for beating his ex-wife and if I prosecute, this would be a felony.

I don't know what I should do. I don't even know what sort of punishment he'll be facing because it's a felony. Does anyone have any advice or information? I just want to make a clean break from this relationship. I didn't want the police involved at all, but since it's too late, I want to at least make the right choice.

I can't lose all contact with this guy, we have a daughter together.

We live in Ohio.

Answer 1

This guy has hurt you, has hurt at least another woman. He is bad news. Does he share custody? Were I you, I'd go ahead with charges, if your local prosecutor feels there is a strong enough case. He is telling anything he can to get you to drop charges, He might even treat you nice for a few weeks after he gets out, but them he'll start abusing you again.

This is the sort of man who might not stop until he badly injures you or even kills you. And there is not reason to think he might not start abusing your daughter.

Press charges, get him in jail for a while and move far away, but stay in contact with the prosecutors to know when exactly he gets out. Remember, you have more than yourself to protect.

Answer 2

What are you more concerned with? The fact that your boyfriend uses you as a doormat and beats you up, or he might spend time in prison. How can you say that you love someone then beat them up. There is no excuse in the world for this. I would assume your boyfriend does not have psychological problems, so what excuse can he give. Sometimes one has to take the hard road to teach these kind of people that his behaviour is unacceptable. Say for instance he beat you to the extent you were paralysed, would that also be acceptable. It's not your responsibility what kind of punishment he would get, he should have thought of that when he was beating you. What would be the right choice if this person were to hit a child, let them off? The right choice would be is that he is made responsible for his actions, and if that means jail then so be it. Maybe that will be the only way he will learn. Good luck

Answer 3

1. You may not be able to "drop" the charges. That may be up to the prosecutor. You can state you won't co-operate, but they can still subpoena you to court and have you testify.

2. He beat his ex-wife. He beat you. For 7 years. So he says he loves you and (drum roll please!) that it won't happen again and blah blah blah. BELIEVE HIS ACTIONS!

3. You have a daughter together, but does HE have a paternity order, giving him visitation rights? If NOT, then you don NOT "have to be involved with him" until HE goes to court (at which time, they will order him to pay child support).
If he DOES NOT have paternity rights, you can look into having one of your parents adopt your daughter (as a co-parent WITH you, not in place of you).
If he DOES have rights, then go to court WHILE HE IS IN JAIL and get his visitation either restricted, supervised, or stopped until he gets counseling AND has at LEAST 6 months without an act of violence.

4. HE made the choice every time he hit you. If you wanted to make a "clean break," you would have. However, the State has an interest in correcting HIS violent behavior. If HE did not want the police involved, or if HE did want to face jail time, then HE would not have committed a crime. Over and over. For 7 years.

Answer 4

It's NOT your job to prosecute, but it is your responsibility to "press charges". From personal experience, battering a woman is a "control issue". Sounds like keeping a dog under control! You are not married to him, but some states would claim that you are a "common law" wife - therefore ask a prosecutor what is common in your state. The men who batter women DO NOT GET BETTER - no matter what they say to you. I assume that this has happened before. Please seek help. Help is out there and there are women's shelters available in most areas.
My second husband beat me - several times - until my daughter saw the evidence. She has a BA in Criminal Justice and she said that men do not get better - even with counseling, therapy and medication. I filed for divorce and my family was around me all the time for several months. I had a
sheriff deputy that lived across the street from me and I had his number and a cell phone. It took 6 months for the divorce to happen and it occured in McKinney, TX. The judge (Robert T. Dry) was a sexist idiot and my lawyer wasn't the best either. I got a lot of bills attached to me and my income but I did get back my former name. I moved out of the house just before the divorce and I got short term leases so I could move again if I was stalked. NEVER take a batterer's word as the truth. They can kill you and/or harm you and at least in Texas, because of their attitude towards women, charges probably won't be filed because, "It was her fault" ideology. Good luck to you!

Answer 5

You shouldn't press charges. Yeah the guy's an ***, but making life harder for him in this way will not change him. Unless he did something so awful to you that you want to get sweet revenge.
The only thing a felony will do is make him resent you forever because MANY places will never consider hiring someone who has a felony. I know a guy who has something even less than a felony for something really stupid and it has made his life so hard.
So if you would like to see a decent child support check every month, then don't press charges. Just distance yourself and learn something from this experience.
~Be well

Answer 6

Yes, you prosecute. How many more women does he have to hit to make you say "enough?" If you don't prosecute, you bear some responsibility to the next woman he hits. There are rules in life that moral people live by--for me, one of those rules is: "A man NEVER hits a woman."
Do not stay with him. He says he loves you--that's typical manipulation by a violent offender. People who love each other do not hit them.
How long will he stay in jail? We don't know. What state are you in? How does your state treat domestic violence? In my state, he'd serve about 6-12 months if this is his 2nd charge. With a tough judge, the sentence would be about 3 years in my state and if he behaves in prison, he'd serve about 18 months.

Answer 7

That should show you that he is not going to change.

If he does get out, what do you see happening? Are you going to get back with him? If not, then will he get together with someone else, and beat them too?

Do you want what happened to you to happen now to your sister? Your girlfriend? Your neighbor?

The fact is, that if nothing happens to him, he will do this to another women...and believe me, there are many more victims out there that he has done this to.

NOTHING is going to change him...do you really want to be responsible for the next victim?

Also, is he spiteful enough to come after you again if he gets out? What measures are you ready to take if he gets out?
He's already angry and scared just because he's in jail because of you went to the doctor...he may not be telling you this now, but if he gets out, he will probably blame you for putting him in jail now regardless of what he says on the phone...just like all those times that he said that he was sorry, that it would never happen again.

It WILL happen again, he is scared now but later he will be very angry, if he gets away and you are lucky to get away...most abused women are killed soon after they leave the relationship...he's a bully, he's scared of the police officers, but as soon as he's in his secure zone, he will be a bully again, and you will be the target, whether you're with him or not...he will blame you for being in jail...it does not matter what it is, he will find a way to blame you for everything...and you already know this.

Press charges...talk to his ex-wife and find out how she got away from him, and plan your next move.

Check out some of the following sites...good luck.

Answer 8

Abuse is abuse whether mild or fatal:

Ask yourself this. How has it affected your child or will you continue allowing "anyone" to steal your child's joy?
Yeah naturally while jailed he will grow halo and wings.
Once out it's back to being a bat!
Let him grow a bit being surrounded by no nonsense characters in there.
That's if he won't catch out of population where that type of bullying is not nor should it be allowed....

Worst thing that can occur once you do the right thing is that he'll change!!

Answer 9

Prosecute. You'll have your clean break and your boyfriend won't be able to beat on the next girl until he's released. Have you considered how mad he is for being in jail now? He'll be sweet and nice until he gets out, then he'll blame you for putting him in there...how do you think he'll take it out on you? Again, you need to prosecute if you felt it was bad enough to document.

Answer 10

Whether or not you decide to press charges is irrelevant. The guy needs help, meanwhile you need to get the f*** out of there. So yes, even though he knocked you up, you have to take your kid and pound salt.(Leave) Having your daughter around a d0uche-bag like that isnt going to be good for anyone. I'd cut off all contact, file for a restraining order and beat it. This is common sense.

-J.