In re: to spending the night in a haunted Scottish castle...can you write an amusing paragraph or 2 that....?

Question

includes these phrases?
1. Look for Nessie but don't be messy.
2. Let's not! Let's not! What's the word....let's not PANIC!!
3. A shadowy figure was playing the bagpipe.
4. Braveheart's ghost is standing right beside you!
5. Just leave my aura alone, okay?
6. You are speaking metaphorically....right?!

Answer 1

Kayboff was given the opportunity of a lifetime. She was invited to visit Scotland!
Suzanne, her friend picked her up at the airport, and as they drove, Suzanne was full of excitment and ready to show her all the sights.
They were driving through the country side, when it began to rain, to where Suzanne couldn't see the road, so they pulled into a long driveway, and much to their surprise there was an old castle in all it's splendor sitting at the top of the drive.
The lights were on, the castle was old, but appeared to be visitor friendly.
Kayboff, Suzanne and her little dog, Nessie, slowly got out of the car and started towards the door. As they approached, they noticed the door was ajar.
They knocked several times, the rain was coming down in sheets, so Kayboff opened the door and kept saying hello! hello! A friendly voice from inside, said come in.
The two, crept inside, looking and calling hello! There was no one in sight. The fireplace was going, and it felt quite comfortable. As they were walking towards the fireplace, Nessie began to bark ferociously and ran into the next room. Suddenly...complete silence. The two women grabbed hands, Suzanne finally whispered...Let's not panic...The lights began to flicker. From out of nowhere, they could hear a familiar sound, and as they turned, there next to the harthe "A shadowy figure was playing the bagpipe" a calming, sweet tune...Suzanne whispered, Kayboff"Bravehearts ghost is standing right beside you!"...as Kayboff, turned to look she answered, "You are speaking metaphorically...right?" She felt a breeze sweep across her..and said did you feel that. Suzanne's response was "Just leave my aura alone...okay?".
Let's not! Let's not! What's the word....lets not PANIC!!Suzanne said and went on to say"Look for Nessie but don't get messy"....
The two tip toed into the next room, Suzanne called for Nessie....The dog came to her, with her tail wagging as if there was nothing to be afraid of.
Their only choices were to spend the night, or get back on that dark road in the rain. They followed Nessie back into the room, there was no one to be seen. As they closed the door behind them...they noticed that the covers were pulled back on a set of twin beds. Fresh, gowns were lying on the beds and on the bedside table were sandwiches and hot tea.......

Answer 2

a shadowy figure was playing the bagpipe and smoking a cigar, when all of a sudden he farted. Lets not...lets not...wwwwhaat's that word...lettt's nnnOT PANIC! He's gonna stink up the the whole place.

Answer 3

dont sweat the petty stuff and dont pet the sweaty stuff.

Answer 4

Y'all com back now, you hear.