I have some mixed feelings about the delivery?

Question

I am 5 months pregnant with my first child, also the first grandbaby and great grandbaby. My husband wants his mother in the delivery room with us, I only want him and my mommy. I don't like the feeling of a stranger looking at my youwhoo... I've known her for a year and a half but my mom is my mom.. she's seen it plenty and so has my husband but it's not like i'm going to let the stair at it the whole time i'm pushing. . . How do I tell him no with out hurting him. I think i'm really scared that she will take from our time. I want to be the first to hold my baby and then my husband... i don't want here there taking it away from me... so it would be better if she just waited out with the rest of the family. And also, he wants to use his old baby bed but it's old... like 28 year old... i'm scared it wont be safe enough plus it's old! how do i tell him with out hurting him that i don't want to use his old baby bed. That i want to buy a new one? What do i do? please help! :)

Answer 1

I know exactly how you feel. Only it was my mom that I didn't want in the room but she has seen all of the births of her grandchildren. When I gave birth I had no idea that she was even in there. She kept her distance and let us bond as a family before she held the baby. It is your decision though. Just explain how your feeling to your husband. He will understand.
About the crib it is very wise of you not to want to use it since it may not be safe. Look up some information and show your husband. He will understand and want the safety of your baby to come first. Good Luck

Answer 2

Be honest with him...he is your husband. If you are uncomfortable with her being there, then tell him and explain why. Also remember that when everything is happening no one is going to be "staring" at your "youwhoo"....And that's also the last thing you will be worried about anyway. You could agree to let her come in soon after and have her time with the baby before the other family does...?

I had my mother-in-law in the room periodically while I was in labor, then when I gave birth...just my husband.

As far as using his old bed for the baby....measure between the bars and make sure they are up to code...if not...that could be a good argument not to use it....Or just tell him exactly what you just said--that you're worried that it's not safe enough to use...cribs have changed a lot in the last 30 years!

Answer 3

Oh boy.........sounds like your hubby has to cut his OWN umbilical cord and I am not being smart. His first priority in his married life is You and not his MOM. You have to sit down with him and tell him there are a few things that need to be discussed before the baby is born.
1) The birth of YOUR baby (never mind that it's going on the records as the first grandchild or great grandchild)........this is your baby .....has to be done in a setting in which you are comfortable and this means you are not going to set up bleachers for all the spectators. You want him........he's your hubby, and you want your MOM because she is so special and will help you through this. After those 2 people, you want no one else. period. end of story.
And believe me....if you get into the delivery room and have to take the nurses or doctors to one side and tell them privately that those are the only 2 people you want in the room then those are the only 2 who will be allowed in there. They will respect your wishes as the patient even if your husband doesn't. It will be a court of no appeal.
2) When it comes to his baby bed???? My god, it probably wouldn't even meet today's safety standards, does he not realize that? Tell him you want to go out shopping for a new crib and if he doesn't want to do that with you then HE has a real problem. You can always shop yourself (to make the point) and have them deliver it. They would probably even set it up (for a small fee, I am sure).

Your hubby needs to realize that he has made a NEW family and that has to be his first priority from this point on, not pleasing his Mother.

Answer 4

Well just so you know I was more nervous than you. I didnt want anyone in my room. Not even my husband. Itsnot your you know what that they see its your insides lol. YOur legs only go up and open when its time to push. drs will come in to check you, but will make sure its okay with whos in there. At the time of birth my husband my mom and my aunt and grandma were in teh room. I didnt care at that time who saw`what. I think it should be okay to have his mom in there. They give the baby right to you on your chest and your hubby is usually riht by your head and you see him or her together. Noone else being in teh room will take that away. They wont even hold teh baby until he or she has been washed up. still your choice. I used the sam ecrib as my mom and my first son used it too. It may mean alot to him. if its old than its small and isnt going to be used for long anyways,. start out with it and explain youll need more room and now a days all the cribs grow with teh kids into day beds ect.. and it will be a good investment since you wont hav eto buy a bigger bed later. good luck

Answer 5

I had the same problem except it was my own mother that wanted to come for the delivery and I wasnt very comfortable with that, but I didnt want to hurt her so I just went thru with it. Dont be like me and Just explain to her and your husband that you feel like it is your time only and you want to make this wonderful moment as great as you can. It really is up to you who you have in the room with you, I should hope that your husband understands all this.
About the baby bed, you simply have to tell him that using a crib that is 28 years old is dangerous for the baby. You need a new one, and dont worry about hurting his feelings, you need to look out for your baby.
I hope everything goes well for you:)

Answer 6

What is your relationship with his mom? If it is open enough, invite her out to tea or lunch. Say to her you care about her enough to be honest. And tell her that you only want him and your mom in the delivery room. I think she will understand that.
Not everyone in the delivery room needs to be looking at your ...erm...youwho...: ). When my wife delivered, I was standing by her head. They typically have either blankets or sheets set up so that people who are standing by the head side of the person giving birth cannot see the "action end"
If this is an option, maybe you could ask that your mother-in-law stand by your head side. Another alternative is to ask your mother to speak to your mother-in-law, unless they do not have that close a relationship.

As far as your husband's baby bed. You are going to need to be honest with him. Yes, it might hurt his feelings, but just tell him you love him and you care about the safety of your baby. Ask him if there is anything else from his childhood or baby-hood that you could give to your new baby, like a childhood toy or blanket.

Answer 7

It may be better that your mother stays out of the room as well for the sake of being fair to your husband. You might like the privacy anyways.

Tell your husband that baby products have come along way since you both were young and there are safety standards now. Tell him about recalls on products and the Juvenile Products Manufacturing Association. Tell him that having a new baby will be stressful enough and you would like to have peace about the safety of your baby's crib.

Answer 8

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Answer 9

the way you said it here seems pretty good. Just be honest with him, and explain that you being comfortable, both physically and emotionally is important for the baby.

As for the crib, you could probably research on the web to find out safety issues about it, but a 28 year old crib is probably not a great idea

Answer 10

Most women dont mind their husbands and mothers in the room. I dont think a lot of women want other people for lots of reasons. Tell your husband if he'll lay on the bed naked with his legs in the air for his mother then youre consider it otherwise forget it. Your husband youre not comforable with this. Also its been proven that old cribs aren't safe the bars are to far apart and babies heads were getting caught and the babies died. Have your husband read the link below.