he was in the car crash too, she was taken from him and i think he still needs time on his own to get over her, he told me he has box of photos and newpaper clippings, he still had her photo in his wallet when we had been together 6 months and he went to work away aboard and took her photo. but from a totally selfish point of view i think hes the one for me, and i dont want to loose him and he says hes over her, but i dont know if i should break it off so he can have time to get over what happend fully. he used to visit her grave every week and her parents but told me he doesnt now. i would never stop him from doing any of that, i told him he should just do whatever helps him get through it. but i cant get her out my head, i mean his family have called me by her name a few times, im i just a look alike replacement for him to ease the pain? or am i over reacting?
2007-03-28 03:07:55 · 6 answers · asked by Kate R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
The pain of losing her will probably slowly lessen for him, but it will never go away. Nothing you can do to change that. You might want to suggest grief counseling to him, if he is still having a hard time after 2 years, but in any event - you should talk to someone professional about it.
Nobody can compete with a ghost, and you shouldn't feel like you have to.
2007-03-28 03:23:53 · answer #1 · answered by Mauisnj 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To lose someone in such a tragic way and be there when it happened will be a memory that will stay with him forever. There is nothing you can do about that. The better you accept this, the better he will be able to put it in a corner of his heart and have the rest for you. Talk to him about her, ask him what he liked and what they did together (and no jealousy or stupidity from you)!. His family calling you by her name is like when I am looking at one child and call him/her by a brother or sister's name, it was an accident and doesn't mean I love one child more than the other! Why don't you and your boyfriend go to a special store and buy a keepsake box that he can put everything he has about her in and store it someplace where he can look at it if he needs to and I bet having you support him in all this will allow him to let go completely. Also, you could suggest to him that he make a donation to a charity (or some association she liked - did she like animals - give to the animal shelter, did she like reading - donate to the library - did she like kids - give to a kids group, etc) in her name. Doing all this should help him to heal that wound and continue with you but remember this was a deep wound and there will always be a scar! Good luck to you and God Bless.
2007-03-28 03:26:48 · answer #2 · answered by tersey562 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an extremely sensitive state of affairs. Firstly grieving is as individual as each person, we all grieve in many different forms and ways. Your boyfriend may not have travelled through the process of grief entirely, and this is what you may be picking up on. Secondly, I am convinced that calling you by this young lady's name would not be intentional, that is far too cruel (and a sign of disrespect) not only to you but towards their beloved daughter. Thirdly there is a definite reason why you are feeling that yr boyfriend needs more time. You will be wise to follow yr instincts…it usually serve you correctly and true.
BTW, I don’t think you are selfish at all, just in love, wanting all the normal, wonderful, exciting things a fresh new relationship brings, naturally wanting his assurance… good luck...
2007-03-28 03:32:54 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When someone is with another person that dies, the person that dies is often put on a pedastal in that person's mind. Since they only remember the good points about the person and the dead person isn't around to do the annoying things that most people do, before long you'll find that he'll start to think of her as "the one". It's a tough thing to overcome.
From your standpoint, I wouldn't suggest saying anything negative about her. The girl is no longer a threat so why be jealous of her? If you were to point out some of her better qualities it might even bring you two closer together.
2007-03-28 03:17:23 · answer #4 · answered by J D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me start by saying that I can sort of relate to his situation, or atleast I know what he is feeling. I lost my best friend in a car accident just over 4 years ago. She was like my sister. Her boyfriend was dating a new girl within weeks. Some people deal with the loss in different ways. In this case it seems that he was almost affraid to be alone for too long. Maybe just let him know that if he needs space you would be willing to give it to him because you want him to be ok with himself before you guys get super serious. Just make sure that he knows that you are on his side. Trust me it will help him deal if he knows that you understand.
2007-03-28 05:15:45 · answer #5 · answered by Mommy G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The death of someone you love can have a monumental impact on your life that will last for years to come, regardless of whether or not those old romantic feelings still exist. The best thing you can do is be completely supportive and understanding when he honors his deceased friend.
If you absolutely have to talk to him about it, just let him know that you love him and that you're willing to be support and be there for him, then just ask him how feels and go from there.
2007-03-28 03:26:01 · answer #6 · answered by mr_jack_fr0st 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋