I want to get married- I'm pregnant.. What do I do?

Question

I live with my boyfriend.. 6 weeks pregnant and I want to get married!! When I met him I said I didn't want to have a baby if I wasn't married.. Now.. I'm unmarried and having a baby. We've talked about getting married before but in the future. I don't want to be pregnant and not married. What do I do?

And No... I don't want to get married just because I'm pregnant... I swear. I do love him and he's wonderful. He just wants a big wedding~ which couldn't be planned before I get big. I'm fine with hoping on a plane and going to Vegas =)

Answer 1

But you ARE pregnant and you're NOT married. I'm sorry, but the time has already passed. You will always know that, even if you try covering it up to family/friends by hurrying to marry now... but the baby comes out healthy in 5 months...

I understand the nobility of wanting to be married *before* having children, but that time and chance has passed. You now have to decide if you want to have a child and *still* get married.

Getting married - especially once you're already pregnant - has nothing to do with being pregnant, so don't think of it that way. You will ALWAYS be tied to this man, married or not, because you have a child with him.

Now is the easy time to decide if YOU want to marry HIM and not the 2 of you "marry the baby." Again, the 2 of you will always be the baby's parents, so there's no sense in getting married "for the child."

If it helps: My parents got married when my mother was 3 months pregnant with me. They met in high school, have never been with anyone else, and have never been seperated either. They've been together for over 25 years now - and happily too! ...the point: When my boyfriend and I told my parents 4 years ago that I was pregnant, their response (other than CONGRATULATIONS!) was "Do NOT get married for ANY reason other than you love that person and you want to be with them forever."

You'd think they'd be the 1st to push us together, especially with their successful marriage despite being pushed together by their parents, but it was just the opposite.

Getting married just isn't about anything other than the 2 people and the vows.

You'll be fine. ...oh, and CONGRATULATIONS!

Answer 2

I know that some people will tell you differently, but do not get married just because you are having a baby. The baby will be enough of an adjustment to make in your life. If marriage is something that you think you both want, then go for it, but do it because you love each other. I was only 19 when I got pregnant. We did decide to get married, and it is a decision I'll never regret. We've been married for eight years now, and have three children, and are expecting another soon. We've had our rough patches just like everyone else does, but we love each other very much. Let me tell you, if we had married just because we were having a baby, we would have separated a long time ago. There has to be more then a child to keep you going through the hard times. Good luck!

Answer 3

Unfortunately you should have thought about that before you had unprotected sex (if that was the case). Usually the whole purpose with having sex is to have children. However, you are indeed pregnant and I want to say congratulations. It's a beautiful gift!!! =]

I think you really need to think about this. As much as you don't want to be unwed and having child while being so, a child is no reason to get married. It should be about love and when you're ready for marriage. But if it's really going to bother you, you should talk to your boyfriend about it. You don't have to have a big wedding now, you could always just to the court building or something and get married, and then have a big wedding later on.

That's what happened to my boyfriend and I. We've been dating for three years. I also didn't want to have a child unwed, but I am also pregnant. As much as I would like to get married before our daughter comes, I don't want to rush marriage just because we're pregnant. We already have an unplanned pregnancy, we don't want to rush into another thing that we weren't 100% ready for. So, when the time comes, we'll get married.

Just think about it before you completely decide and I wish you the best of luck and congratulations.

Answer 4

I know it might seem like the thing to do - to be MARRIED while pregnant, but don't do it for the wrong reasons. I found myself pregnant 2 years into dating my boyfriend and we decided to start planning a wedding, and it ended badly. We found out we just weren't right for each other. Perhaps it was the stress of the pregnancy or just the mere fact that we had been arguing a lot prior to finding out I was pregnant, but we just grew apart and it was actually a really good thing. Today, we have a toddler turning 3 in July and we are a very happy family. He lives 20 minutes away with his new girlfriend and I have a cute apartment of my own that I share with our son, and I have a great new boyfriend.
I remember being in your situation and how I felt about it, but my life ended up so much happier moving on.
I'm not saying you won't work out, I'm just saying, don't do it for the wrong reasons. Don't force yourself to have a happy relationship if you are just doing it because of morals. Sometimes morals shouldn't get in the way of what is REALLY healthy for your baby.
I think you should do what's comfortable. If you're insistant on getting married, and you really feel it's the right thing to do (for you AND the baby), then do it. But make sure it's what you really want.
Good luck!

Answer 5

well........, untie the horse from the rear of your cart, bring it to the front , hitch it up and move down the road.
" THE FUTURE IS HERE"
What you say?, You got the cart before the horse! No big deal, you can have the baby, then get married or get married, then have the baby. Babies Happen, it's OK! Now I don't know how old you are but.....if you're over 18 and under 25, it's going to be a rough start to your future either way. If you are under 18, my heart breaks for you, and I can't give you advice.

Bottom line, if you and your boyfriend are committed to your relationship and willing to move forward, do what ever it takes to make this work. AND!! Read up on Birth Control for the future.

Answer 6

Elope, or plan quickly. My fiance and I just found out 2 months ago we were having a little one, weve been together four years and planned on getting married anyway. He proposed before we really discussed it, he said he wanted the baby to know their parents were married (not that it would nt be ok if we werent) so we havent told anyone about the baby yet, including parents weve thrown a wedding together in 2 months and I am so excited, and its gonna even be pretty cheap. I will be 3 months to the day on my wedding day and luckily I have only gained like 3 pounds. So if this is what you want discuss it with your boyfriend, maybe he will want the same thing, but you will fine if your not married, just love that baby to pieces!

Answer 7

First off do you just want to get married because you are pregnant? I just want to make sure you dont want to get married for the wrong reasons. IF you do really love him, want to grow old with him then talk to him and explain how you are feeling. Find a common ground. You might not get the perfect, wonderful wedding you previously imagined. You can always do that later down the road when you renew your vows.

But let him know what is important to you. Dont forget to be just as open and considerate of what he is thinking. I hope everything works out. Im sure it will.

Congrats to you both by the way! Good luck and good health to you and yours!

Answer 8

Normally, I say that a pregnancy is not a good enough reason to get married, but you are already living with him and you have discussed marriage as a part of your future together.

Let him know that if he is committed enough to make a baby with you, he needs to be committed enough to marry you.

He may have some commitment issues/fears that he needs to address. If he can't address them with you, he needs to seek the help of a trusted friend, a counselor, a minister--anyone who can help him work through these issues before the baby is born. Besides, married or not, this baby means that you will be dealing with each other for the rest of your lives.

Be aware, however, if you give him an ultimatum--"Marry me or I am leaving your non-committal butt"--you have to have the guts to follow through.

Godspeed.

Answer 9

A nice wedding can be planned very quickly!! It's really not that hard. If you want to be married quickly and he wants to have a big wedding then do it. Start now and get married in two months. You can do it. Flowers, cake, invitations, easy. Target has some really nice invitations. Cake just go to a bakery. A dress is not that hard to find, go to David's Bridal and buy one off the rack. Or go to a boutique and buy one on clearance. At four months you'll barely be showing. I know it's possible because my cousin pulled it off. I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 10

I completely understand this..... I am 5 and 1/2 mos now and I don't think he will ask me to marry him...... what I really want is to be engaged so that way I feel a little more secure about things......

All I can say is that although I feel the same way about wanting to be married and here I am huge and pregnant with no ring................... It is the year 2007 and things are different....

It seems like tv shows and the media portray marriage as a trap..... like it is boring and horrible and to not do it.... plus they put it in mens heads that if they get married they are automatically going to lose half of their stuff!!