I am not sure if it's good. If it sucks, please let me know, if it's good, then let me know also. I got some thick skin.
Thanks for reading.
Stolen
I close my eyes and say things I don't mean,
My first time lying to you, shaking your head, believing me,
Telling you we were never meant to be,
That there was someone else who was my queen.
The doctor called and told me what's wrong,
He tells me something has been stealing my thoughts,
Sick, and twisted, soon I myself will be stolen,
I sigh, not thinking, I have to be strong.
I don't want you to understand what's wrong,
Knowing I'll end where I came from,
This sick song, plays over again, but I feel already gone,
But I've loved you all along.
2007-03-28 02:58:31 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Makes me think what did the doctor tell you in your poem. You can improve I am sure.
2007-03-28 07:00:26 · answer #1 · answered by smartobees 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like your style... Only pointer I whould say is allot of the ryming words you use are a little low but the structure of the poem is very good
2007-03-28 10:20:47 · answer #2 · answered by atticus_loser03 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
boy u ar a real poet great poem. You got a great way with words, keep writing. I read ur other poems cause I wanted to read more they really are good.
2007-03-28 10:05:55 · answer #3 · answered by unverified 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ehh...It's not bad, but it's missing the "wow!" Probably because there's not much craft involved in it. There's nothing terribly wrong with it...Try writing it backwards.
2007-03-31 04:16:04 · answer #4 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good Work.. On an aside, if the story is true, TELL HER THE TRUTH it will hurt her more to lie.
2007-03-28 10:10:02 · answer #5 · answered by say_tay 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
not real emotional with contradicts the subject matter. more imagery and expression.
2007-03-28 10:22:18 · answer #6 · answered by myindigostar 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I thought it was pretty good.
2007-03-28 10:23:24 · answer #7 · answered by dew_angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Melodramatric juvenile crap
2007-03-28 10:06:19 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
it makes you think i like it
2007-03-28 10:03:47 · answer #9 · answered by sunshiner26 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋