Am I wrong to not want to pay for college for our kids?

Question

I am old fashioned and believe a person should make it on their own. Of course, the 2 college kids would stay on our insurance and there would be help for groceries, etc. , (and we'd never be too far away to rescue them in the event of an emergency) but as far as financially, I say it's up to them. My spouse would be happy taking care of them forever, but I think our money should be spent preparing for our future, so we don't become burdens to them at some point in our lives. This issue could be a deal breaker, so some insight would help.

Answer 1

College is too imporant to be left up to a fickle mind. College was paid for by my parents, and if they had not, - I probably would not have gone. But back then, student loans were not so prevelant, - and I still had a job to pay for beer, books and gas.

Going to college can easily add 15% or 200% to a person's earning income for the rest of their life. -That aspect can be a factor in YOUR future security.

And besides, -having kids take care of you is not really a bad thing. It's a built-in feature of families that they take care of their own. A 'new' American concept is that the govn't or a lot money can 'solve' that. But by your kids taking care of you, - then it's an example to YOUR grand-kids, that that should take care of their parents... and what's wrong with that?

Answer 2

You brought these children in the world, they turn 18 and now you tell them to pay college by themselves? Do you know much college cost these days? You should have been saving since they were born! I don't believe in spoiling kids..buying them new cars and such but it would be nice to help them further their education..i mean the same could be if when you are too old to take care of yourself they say "oh well gotta do it on your own!" Just because you help with college does not mean you are taking care of them forever, college is a big expense and now they are saying 1 in every 4 college students suffer from depression, so putting the burden of college itself plus having to pay it all..that is a lot of stress on them, yes they should get a part time job while in college or full time if they can handle it, hopefully they can get some grants and scholarships..but if you are able to help them and you don't i think that is wrong. Some parents don't have the money to send kids to college and the kids do make it and they pay, they go little by little, but if you can do it...don't be selfish..if they are educated that means they will get a better job and be able to take care of you when you are old!

Answer 3

Being old fashioned does not mean shrugging off your responsibilities. Kids are part of you. Their future determines your future too. As a parent we should look into their financial needs too, as they should be focused entirely on their studies and putting them into the financial scarcity would distract them from their goal. Good kids always remember the sacrifices made by their parents. By only seeing your future and thereby ignoring the financial needs of kids won't do any good. Probably your spouse has the same point of view, as of mine. I am not saying that you should compromise your needs for the above, but again there is always a way in between. So all the best.

Answer 4

Why did you have children?

It sounds like selfishness because they get to college age and you say you're on your own. That is an indication that kids were about what they do for you NOT what you can do to give them the best start.

You've brought kids into a new world with your old attitude.
High school does not get it anymore. Most jobs are 4 year degree entry level. How is a kid who can make $8 ?hr supposed to pay 17K/year for school? You want to saddle them with 75K debt to get a job?

Here is a scenario, keep your money make them "work" for their education. When the time comes, and it will, you will need help in retirement. They will tell you that you made them work for school so you can have retiremant money. They won't be able to help because they are paying off college loans or worse they are making no money because they could not pull school off.

Answer 5

That really depends on your finances and the child's desire to go.
I'll make this answer personal:

My children are small yet, but I know this will come up eventually. I would love to help my kids continue their education. If we can afford it, then I will help them financially through college. The catch would be that they would have to maintain passing grades and truly put in the effort for their education. If they start to party more than study, then they will have to pay their own way.
If we can't afford to send them, then I would help them apply for the different grants and loans that they would need and help them as much as I can.
I wanted to go to college and my parents could have afforded to help me, but my dad said I had to do it on my own. At 18 that was too overwhelming to me (I know lots of people do it, but it was a challenge for me) so I chose to get a job instead.
I'm now almost 32 with no education beyond high school. I'm planning on taking some courses when my youngest child starts school this year, but it would have been so much easier if I had done it right after graduation. I guess because I feel like I lost out, I would want to make it as easy as possible for my children to go.

Answer 6

Hmmm... Ok. Maybe do it fifty fifty. I know FOR A FACT that if the child is paying their own way through college, they are going to work 10 times harder because its their own money. Help them out with books and some of the tuition, but make them search for grants, because if they KNOW that you as a parent are going to foot the entire bill, they may not even look! I have seen SO MANY young adults at my campus who blow their classes off because mom and dad are paying for them, so why bother! Its ridiculous. Ive spoken to other teachers who say the same thing... they would much rather teach older students because older students actually want to learn and these younger ones, dont really care sometimes. I agree that you should pay for some of it, but if you offer to foot the entire bill, they may not take it seriously. They need to take some responsibility for their own education! My dad did this, and here I am with a 4.0! But when I first started college, If I got a C, I was happy! I had to retake a bunch of classes because I wanted my 4.0, but it was worth it and here I am a better person for it. He helps me with books and thats it! Harsh I thought, but a good life lesson!

Answer 7

I have a daughter in college and at this point her father is paying all of her bills. I personally feel that if you can swing it you should help out a little. I believe that it's a parents duty to help as much as we can. I am not saying to go bankrupt and the fact that you have two can be pretty expensive. This is a difficult decision for you and your wife to make but maybe if you both compromised and and set boundaries and limits the burden would not be all on one person.

Answer 8

I paid for college on my own, not because my parents didn't want to pay, they couldn't. They could not help me financially at all (groceries, etc). I feel like I am a better person for it, that I did it on my own and didn't have any help. It is really nice that you are willing to help out some, thats probably a big relief. But I don't think it is wrong for you to not pay for everything.

Answer 9

I personally received a small amount of money from my parents that they had been saving to get started. My dad also took out loans for me, but I had to pay them all back. Yes, I got insurance, groceries, etc, as long as, I was in college. I firmly believe that a good education is worth student loans. I did it and paid them back, it teaches good skills for life.

Answer 10

Shelly - i know it is late now but this sort of discussion and decision should have taken place about 20 years ago. U r right that your money now should go towards your own future, but you lost out on the time value of money by not saving a little bit oper month for them over a long period of time.