Why is it?

Question

I am almost 32 weeks pregnant. I have A LOT of health issues with my pregnancies (this one included). I have NOT been put on bed rest YET with this one. So... why is it that EVERYONE knows what I should do but NOONE bothers to ask me or my hubby? For my moms birthday we are having a party at my sisters, I had to go shopping to find something 70s for me and my family to wear... but, according to my family, I was too sick to go to brunch but not too sick to watch my sisters 2 kids while she went to brunch. (ages 2 and 3). Then for Easter we are getting together with the inlaws. My brother in law and my father in law were agruing over where to celebrate (bbq) that would be best for me. NOBODY asked ME what would work better. (I live across the street from my father in law and about 30 minutes away from my brother in law). It is driving me crazy!! Any suggestions on how to remind them that I can make a decision even pregnant? Thanks

I am closer to my sis in law than my father in law so they do know a little more than my father in law... but still!! Am I not a grow up because of my growing fetus?? Anyone else with this problem?? Thanks again!

Answer 1

it just seems like they are trying to be over protective of you which i believe is normal. but....don't let them make decisions for you. let them know you are a big girl and you can make your own decisions. if they don't like that, tell them to put on their "big boy" panties and deal with it!

but just make sure you don't over do yourself.

Answer 2

Man, that's really annoying. I would be super annoyed. However, firstly, calm down and remember that they are not trying to purposely annoy you or treat you like a kid - they are just acting this way because they care - they care about you, your health and your baby. I'm not saying that that means it's ok for them to treat you like a 2 year old (it can be quite demeaning actually) but I bet you a million bucks they don't even realize that it annoys you so you gotta remember that they do mean well. Having said this, you can approach the issue calmly rather than being upset, insulted, annoyed, etc. which will make you look all that much more sane. And you don't need to make it a big deal either and call a huge family meeting. Next time something like this happens, speak up, be straight. But be nice, rational, chill. Say something like, "Guys, I know you mean well and you are concerned, but please allow me to choose for myself what is best for me and this pregnance - after all I have done it before." And then say something about how you love them and you know they care for you and you appreciate that and that they can be rest assured that if you need their help, assistance, advice, etc. they are the first ones you will come to cuz you love them and they are your dear loved family, blah, blah, etc. etc. And then you guys can embrace and hug and kiss and everyone will be happy. And if it happens again (which it might), remind them of the above and they will probably get the message after once or twice. If they don't then you really need to start putting your foot down and just doing what you want (i.e. going to brunch) and saying no (i.e. to watch you sister's kids, just say no, sorry, can't).

Answer 3

I'm hearing some very different issues concerning how family is treating you, but regardless of their motives, you are feeling used and unheard by all these people. For example, your sister assuming you would babysit instead of attending the brunch was just plain rude. If a person is too sick to attend a function, she definitely shouldn't be watching small children. In the case of your inlaws, they may be genuinely concerned about what is best for you OR they may be using your pregnancy as an excuse to get what they want.

No doubt, all of this is irritating.

My only advice is to assert yourself. Let these people know that you and your baby are your concern and they are not to take advantage of you and they are not to use your pregnancy as an excuse to get what they want or to engage in rude behavior. You'll probably have to do this more than once as situations arise.

Try to remain calm when asserting yourself, no matter what they say or do--otherwise, they may use a temper-tantrum on your part as proof that you are not capable of making good decisions.

Godspeed.

Answer 4

I think that you should honestly tell them how you feel. I see that you have taken care of three other children while in this pregnancy. I think that it is BS that they have to treat you like you cant do anything.. Let me guess they want to baby you to make things easier for you but when it comes down to is they dont help you with the kids. They dont help you take care of the house so that you can rest so that the doctor doesn't put you on bed rest. I think that you need to tell everybody that they are wrong and that you can handle this. If they really want to be helpful then maybe they should ask if you need any help first. I know my father n law is the same way. He thinks that everyone should drop everything for him....Even though he really doesn't care....I hope that this helps and get some rest and best wishes with you and the new baby.....

Answer 5

You need to be opinionated right now!! Tell people what you're feeling and thinking, and if they don't like it, then tough. You should feel comfortable and happy now, not stressed. It's not good for you or baby. Plus, as I've read on this forum recently, a woman said, she flew off the handle all the time at people, and they brushed it off as hormones after she delivered. I like that!! Go for it, and don't let people walk on you. You're a powerful woman; remember that! Good luck!

Answer 6

They probably mean well, but it does sound like they are pushing you around.
Assert yourself. Let them know you will decide for yourself. I think it would be good to talk to your doctor about this - that way 1) You won't go overboard and really wear yourself out, 2) Your family will know that you are making your own choices AND following the advice of your doctor.

Answer 7

It sounds like they are each making decisions to suit themselves, and using you as the excuse for their decisions. You should just call them out on it - say, "I am well enough to go to brunch and in fact I would really enjoy that. See you there."

Answer 8

just butt in and say, "excuse me! i can make my own damn decisions!" Bam! There you go. quit being so afraid all the time. you have a good heart, but you are a Mommy - which means you have to stand up and be brave and get your points across. what you say goes (after talking w/ hubby).

Good Luck!

Answer 9

I've had great success with "I'm pregnant, not broken."