He lied to me about paying rent when he didn't and I'm writing him a letter (because he works 2nd shift I work 1st and we usually communicate through letters during the week) telling him that I want to hold off on the engagement until he grows up enough to be honest with me and not lie to me. How do I word it though without being too harsh but still letting him know I'm serious?
2007-03-28 02:37:23 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Dear .....: I am sorry you feel like you have to lie to me. In order for our marriage to work, we have to be honest with each other at all times. I HAVE to be able to trust you to do what you say you will do, and it seems I no longer can. If you lie to me about this, what else would you lie to me about? I think we need to postpone our wedding until such time as you can be 100% honest with me, 100% of the time. If it never happens, then we will never get married. Signed, yours truly!
2007-03-28 02:47:34 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would try to sit down in person and communicate, especially about something as serious as you wanting to hold off the engagement. But, in your situation since its hard for you because of the work schedules I guess you can tell him that the two of you really need to find some time to talk and go over things thats really bothering you. When a person is upset, they usually say things that later they don't mean or wish they didn't say. Allow yourself a little breathing time before you either write your letter or speak to him. Life isn't perfect as we all know, but, neither is marriage. Theres always going to be something even a lie here or there and there is always a reason. Lying has nothing to do with age nor does it have anything to do with growing up.
Good Luck................
2007-03-28 09:55:08 · answer #2 · answered by Yvette D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you even want to marry someone like that? If he is going to lie to you about paying rent what else is he or hiding or going to hide from you? Plus what kinda relationship is mostly writing back and fourth in a letter? I'll tell you a verry scriewed up one! DUMP HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Unless you wanna be a verry unhappy woman on the side of the curb. Trust me you can do better.
2007-03-28 09:47:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you leave out the judgmental parts about growing up and stuff and keep it soley in the realm of your feelings.
I.E. "When you told me you paid the rent, and I found out you did not pay the rent, I am concerned about marrying you. At this time, I am not comfortable with getting married based on what I have seen.
I would like to know your plan for rebuilding the trust that has been broken by this and other similar actions."
2007-03-28 10:24:09 · answer #4 · answered by camys_daddy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not paying the rent is a big deal, so go ahead and be harsh. If he decides he wants to leave you then good riddens, a man who says he'll pay the rent and doesn't, doesn't have any sense and you would be better off without him.
2007-03-28 09:45:57 · answer #5 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be completely open and honest in your letter. Tell him that you don't think he is ready for a bigger commitment just yet - mention that you are uncomfortable with him lying about paying the rent and that you can't deal with someone who is going to be so irresponsible. Above all, make sure to tell him that you love him, care for him, and really do want to be with him; make it known that this is why you are writing to him and why you want to hold off on the engagement.
2007-03-28 09:41:35 · answer #6 · answered by Delvala 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
He has very little respect for you. He has insulted your intelligence by thinking you wouldn't find out about a thing as important as that. If he is already lying to you about money issues you need to have a loooooong engagement so he can mature a little more and learn to share important decisions that affect both of you.
2007-03-28 09:49:43 · answer #7 · answered by Stitch 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lying about money at this stage - especially something as crucial as rent shows a great amount of immaturity. He's not ready for marriage, let alone starting a family. You might want to reconsider your plans.
2007-03-28 09:41:19 · answer #8 · answered by J F 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Grows up, yeah right. A liar is a liar and like strips don't tend to change. At least your not married. He wont stop and you can't make him so leave this relationship in the past and try to move on.
2007-03-28 10:23:15 · answer #9 · answered by steinerrw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the way you stated it in your question is suffice, also, let him know that you do love him but in order for you to marry him you need to feel confident that this will never happen again. You know, once trust is violated it is hard to get back, not impossible, but he needs to reassure you in MANY ways that he is mature enough to handle marriage and consequently children. You need to stick to your guns on this because this behavior will ultimately affect you greatly in the future. Good luck to you.
2007-03-28 09:54:40 · answer #10 · answered by oneontaw 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋