IF YOUR CHILD IS/WAS HAVING AN AFFAIR, what did you say or do when you found out?

Question

How did you treat the spouse? Did you tell teh spouse? Did you welcome the paramour ( can't this be used for men and women?)?

Aren't you people at all concerned about the effect upon your grandkids?

Answer 1

It hasn't happened to me, but I've rehearsed in my mind what I would say if my daughter was doing this.

I would remind her how much her mother's affair hurt me, and let her know that when I heard her say her vows, that I heard her promise to forsake all others.

I would tell her that I love her and will always love her, even if I don't agree with what she is doing.

If her husband was not abusive and not having an affair, I would do my best to make sure he was always welcome in my home, was able to see his children and not treated as an outcast simply because my daughter changed her mind.

I would listen to both of them, encourage them to resolve their differences, and would continue to treat his with respect.

Her lover would not be welcome in my home as long as she has no biblical grounds for divorce. If she were to marry him, he would then be welcome, but it may be uncomfortable for him.

I hope that I am able to raise her to understand that marriage is to be for life, and that her mother's example was a very hurtful and selfish way to deal with marriage issues.

Answer 2

Do I like the spouse?
Does the spouse treat my child well?
Are there children from the marriage?
Does my child have a history of fooling around?
Does the spouse?

There is just too many questions that would affect my answers. I would, however, tell my child that I do not want to see any evidence of an affair. I mean, if they are going to sneak around, be better sneakers. I don't want to be put in the position of having to decide whether to tell or not.

Answer 3

While you may not approve of what your adult child is doing. It is no longer your place to interfere. You can however, make it clear that you will not lie for them nor will you provide and alibi. Let your child know that if you are asked directly ; you will tell the truth. Also, let your child know that their paramour is not welcome to your home nor will you relay any phone messages. In this way you allow your adult child to make their own mistakes. It is unfortunate and it is most definitely bad for the children but they are your grandchildren. The primary responsibility for their care belongs to their parents. You can be a doting and loving grandparent. When and if they ask you questions then be honest with them. Don't go out of your way to inform them of things. While their parents may have a bad relationship that is their parents' "relationship". It is seperate than the relationship held between the children and the parents. As long as the children are being cared for don't make make the children unnecessarily unhappy. They love their parents.
You don't want to chase your adult child away.

Answer 4

If either of my boys had an affair I would tell them how disappointed I was in them but also let them know my support lies with them no matter what (I would not tell the spouse). Then I would try to help them figure out why they strayed and help he/them get the help they/their marriage needs. I would try to put into perspective the ramifications this would have on his children (if he had them). No - I would not welcome the "other woman" - I would make it clear that although I do support him, I do not condone this behavior. I hope I'm never put in this position!

Good luck

Answer 5

Let me put it this way, if your spouse was having an affair would you want to know?

Answer 6

Stay out of it. Just don't put your fingers in that jar. I know you'll have others tell you that you should advice your child, or even tell the spouse....but don't even get into it, even if they drag you into it and tell you. Just stay out of it.

Answer 7

How old are you and how do you know this is true did you talk to them?

Answer 8

child was of age, and no problem