I am so desperate! I have an excellent longlasting relationship with a wonderful man and yet last year I fell for another one. Maybe due to the long duration of my first relationship, romance and passion have somewhat dropped, but he is a very good person and I know that he loves me very much. I love them both and don't know what to do, whether I should continue with my first relationship or if I should reach my new flame, who, after a long year of thinking it over and over, is the answer to all what I ever expected from the man of my life: the witts, the sense of humour, physical attraction. He seems to be a soul-mate. On the other hand this second guy is in the same situation, involved in a longlasting relationship, too. Help!
2007-03-28 02:33:37 · 13 answers · asked by ruth 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
None of us three has any kids. We didn't have sex, we just kissed a couple of times, and then I explained him that it would be better if we continued our own lives with our partners and he agreed. It is only now that we are far away from each other that I wonder whether I did a terrible mistake to let him go...
2007-03-28 02:57:22 · update #1
I think you are emotionally confused about exactly what a loving relationship is supposed to be. You are not so much in love with either man, as in love with "love" You want the dreamy, romantic, floaty feeling of being "in love". " Mother Nature" has some pretty dirty tricks in her arsenel to make is want to do something SHE wants us to do for the continuation of our species. She wants us to mate and produce offspring. So we get a great surge of hormones and other brain chemicals that give us those "special feelings". They are usually swimming around in our body and brain for anything from one to t wo years after we believe we have met our "soul mate". Then, whether we marry that person or not, it all starts to wear off. If, about that same time, someone new comes into the picture, given the right set of circumstances, we can get another surge of those same chemicals and ooooh boy, here we go again, taking off soaring to cloud nine.
But lifelong partnerships are about more than that first flush of romance. No matter which one of these two men you decide to choose, sure enough the time will come when all that "giddy romantic, li'l pink cloud stuff is going to wear off once again, and if that was ALL you had to begin with, when it does, there won't be anything there to hold you together. .
This is why real love is so different from being IN love. As a very wise person once said to me after I met my husband years ago...."Be very careful to recognise just what it is you LIKE about him, and use your head to determine just how much true compatibility you really have. Because this is what you are going to need to keep the relationship strong the other twenty three hours and forty minutes of each day LOL. 36 years later I long ago discovered exactly what that wise person was talking about.
2007-03-28 02:56:14 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow! It seems you have some choices to make. Not quite sure if you have children in the mix or not, never-the-less love is a powerful emotion and choosing between one or the other will only make sense in the end. Remember, if both find out about each other you may end up on the short end of the stick and have neither of them in your life. Ask yourself some tough questions, what is it your looking for in a long lasting relationship. Do you want someone who'll be there 24/7? Who will provide ongoing support for you and obviously kids if their in the picture? What are the things that motivate the guys you're dating (i.e. you, future plans, etc.) Good luck to ya!
2007-03-28 09:45:05 · answer #2 · answered by ndvsne1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you had
"an excellent longlasting relationship with a wonderful man"
it would have been impossible to be in a position where
"last year I fell for another one"
sounds like you and the new guy deserve each other...that way you hurt the maximum number of people. your ex, his ex and each other when you both do it again.
2007-03-28 09:51:26 · answer #3 · answered by Michael C 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, you can only be IN love with one person. You can love both of them, even has feelings for both, but there is one you truly are in love with. You should ask yourself what it is about the man you're with that is not holding your intrest, and what it is about the man you met last year that makes you feel that way.
2007-03-28 09:53:55 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First calm your self and when your mind is calm -
Make list advantages/goodness of each person seperately and rate those point - accodring to your importance....
Then you decide depending on who scores most.... use your heart.... What makes you happy with either of them?
All the best...
2007-03-28 09:43:57 · answer #5 · answered by Living_Like_Zombie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Know the difference between Love & Lust.
You aren't ready for a commitment.
2007-04-01 09:32:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
“The heart is more treacherous than anything else and is desperate. Who can know it? I, Jehovah, am searching the heart, . . . even to give to each one according to his ways, according to the fruitage of his dealings.”—Jer. 17:9, 10.
2007-03-29 03:48:05 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you need to sit down and think who is the best for you.
don't worry about hurt feelings, because leading two people on at the same time is worse than cutting one loose.
good luck
2007-03-28 10:38:55 · answer #8 · answered by Kaja 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
don know
sounds like u put out the apple pie once too many times...
2007-03-28 09:39:06 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are only in love with one of them you are really good friends with the other pick and choose !!
2007-03-28 09:39:15 · answer #10 · answered by Kali S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋