While out of state working, my husbands best friend called me late one night. After hinting around for a few minutes he admitted that he was attracted to me, that he couldn't take his eyes off me when he saw me in my bathing suit the past summer...etc..etc.. He kept repeating that he shouldn't even be calling..etc..etc.. obviously looking for me to reply that it was ok...that I liked it or whatever. I told him that no, we shouldn't be talking and hung up on him. My question, do I have an obligation to my husband to tell him? I know this will most likely ruin their friendship, but I'm thinking he probably shouldn't be best friends with someone like this.... I'll let your answers guide me.
2007-03-28 02:27:58 · 34 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
yes but... don't accidently make a mess of everything, similar thing happen to me and i straight away told my husband, long story short he stuck up for his best friend and now well i live in melbourne he lives in brisbane
umm and when you tell him don't make it a big deal be like, gosh so and so can be weird... yeh maybe talk to the friend first just to let him no it is NOT OK and then if it happens again tell your hubby
2007-03-28 02:34:20 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First I want to ask, are you a man or a woman. In another question you posted you state:
"After being together 14 years, my wife and I were in a kind of lull in our sex life."
In that question you ask about swinging. Are you asking this question because you want your friend to hit on your wife as a prelude into swinging?
Anyway, I will also give you an answer as the question is asked.
A lot of the previous answers had good information.
1) Was the friend drunk. If so, then I wouldn't tell your husband about it, just let it go.
2) If the guy gives you the creeps in any way, then you should tell you husband what happened.
3) Examine yourself and see if you have ever done anything in the past that the guy would consider as flirting with him. Guys can take something as simple as a big smile and paying some attention to them as being flirty. If you have ever been flirty with this guy then the guy has probably misinterpreted the time you were flirty with him. Give him the benefit of the doubt.
4) If anything ever happens again then you need to tell your husband.
5) If you tell your husband and don't get his full support then you need to examine the status of the relationship.
If you do talk to your husband about it, here are some thoughts on how to do it. After starting the conversation with you husband, you should say something like:
You: "I think John got the wrong idea when I spent an hour talking to him at the company picnic last year."
(All you are mentioning here is some time that you have interacted with the friend.)
Hubby: "What do you mean?"
You: "Well when you were out of town last week he called me up and he was flirting with me."
See, what you are doing here is introducing this gradually. This will give him a minute to get used to what you are going to say. At this moment he might think that you have misunderstood his friends actions.
Hubby "No, you probably misunderstood him. He was just trying to look out for you while I was out of town."
Right here you have a chance to adapt what you say to how strongly he reacts. Assuming he's taken it OK so far, then you will say:
You: "Well I don't think so, he told me that he found me attractive and was talking about how good I looked in my bathing suit, etc"
You can just take it from here.
2007-03-29 12:48:27 · answer #2 · answered by itsme2033 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to start an answer with a question, but I think it works in this situation. What do you hope the outcome will be if you tell your husband? Will it be beneficial to everybody? If you tell your husband, he will react one of three ways. He will either think you are crazy and reading something that wasn't there. That is because he wants to protect the friendship he has with this guy. Another possibility is that he will be angry and hate the friend and maybe even accost him at some point, but either way, this friendship that he apparently values, will be lost. One more possibility is that he may even blame YOU for "coming on" to his friend! Out of these three, is there any ONE of them that seems to be beneficial. NO! I would say, that since nothing happened, and you handled it correctly, just keep it to yourself. HOWEVER...if this guy insists on pursuing you, THEN I would bring your husband into the picture and let him know what is going on. I would also make sure that you don't put yourself in a position to be alone with this guy ANYWHERE! Kudos to you for handling it as well as you did! Many women would be flattered over the attention and maybe even string the guy along some, just to "have some fun!" Your husband should be proud of you!
2007-03-28 02:45:00 · answer #3 · answered by Ken S 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have read a lot of the answers and they seem to be fair and helpful. I think that you should put yourself in the reverse roll.... if it were your friend hitting on your husband would you want to know? I know we are female and they are male, but trust sees no gender. I would be devestated to know my friend was hitting on my husband and I would feel betrayed if my husband were to hide it. If he hits on you again and you decide then to tell him and this time comes up as well then he will feel you have hid something from him. I think that you should tell him. If you are worried that he will belive his friend over you then there is probably some history that is untold. You are married not dating, you have a commitment to each other and that is the most important of all. Be nice about it and don't berate his friend, just let him know you feel disrespected and you wish to not be around him because it will be akward. Do not forbid him to see him because he will feel that you are trying to find reasons to keep him from his friends. If your husband still wants to hang with him then there are more problems than could be told here. Good luck! Once you lose trust in a marraige it is hard to find it again and it is harder to keep the marraige together.
2007-03-28 03:08:11 · answer #4 · answered by cherristee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've had several cases where this has happened to me, all with different friends of his. The only time when I did say something was when one of them tried to kiss me. Of course my husband was really to kill this guy. And it did ruin their friendship. The other times I didn't say anything because it was mostly inappropriate comments, or an inappropriate grab etc. I guess you should say something if this friend keeps on contacting you, but in my experience I'd wait to see if he comes on stronger. You never know, this all my pass and nothing more comes of it. You did the right thing by ending the call and blowing him off. He hopefully got the idea.
2007-03-28 02:45:29 · answer #5 · answered by honeybaby729 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No! Don't tell your husband! However, tell his "friend" that you are married to the man of your dreams because you want to be, that you expect a little bit more respect for yourself, your husband, your marriage...and make sure you get it! His attention was a nice compliment...but, that is it! EVERYONE will respect you for following this course of action...most importantly you will respect yourself. Give your husband a big, passionate kiss when he gets home and tell him he is THE man for you.
2007-03-28 02:41:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you should tell your husband. It will affect your relationship with your husband, even if you don't. Your husband trust's this guy. The guy will be around because he is your husbands friend. If something else happens down the road, and your husband does find out, he'll be really hurt that you didn't trust him enough to tell him what his friend did.
2007-03-28 02:36:09 · answer #7 · answered by Lady M 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Honesty is the best policy. Tell your husband the truth, he needs that reassurance that he can trust you. Your husband's so-called "best friend" should step away. In a sick way, could this act be a test initiated by your husband - don't know. In any regard - tell your husband. I know that I would want to know.
2007-03-28 02:38:41 · answer #8 · answered by T D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
In my opinion, yes...you do have an obligation to tell your husband.
The friendship will most likely be ruined but just remember, it's your "so-called" husbands "best friend" that has ruined it. Don't let anyone tell you this is your fault.
2007-03-28 02:33:33 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I must say that he is not a very good friend to your husband, and that he should be wary of him, but the fact is that your husband is probably unaware of his deception, and yes i would let him know when he gets home and tell him what you did and why...and ask him to deal with it as your husband.
2007-03-28 02:33:34 · answer #10 · answered by lovegodlots 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋