Housekeeping?

Question

In the 10 years of our marriage my husband has always made me ask (beg) for housekeeping. He wont open a joint account & will only give me cash of £40 per week. When I do get it, it is short or he gives it to me late so that he can miss a week or two out. Most of them time I only get it twice a month. He makes no extra contribution to the bills nor the kids - I get family allowance for them he says! I have managed amazingly because I have had to, but it has made him more resentful of my thriftyness. I have reached the end of my teather
& wonder if this financial abuse/cruelty can be used as grounds for a divorce. He has a good income & owns several properties, but is resentful of me as he says I didnt contribute to his acquiring them. I have cooked his dinner, cleaned his house and raised the kids. He says I will be a rich widow, but doesnt seem to comprehend that I need a reasonable amount of housekeeping NOW. Sometimes I have to ask my parents for financial help.

Answer 1

dump the cheap so and so

Answer 2

It sounds to me like a wish to control you. And doesn't he want it both ways i.e won't give you money then whinges because you haven't 'contributed'? Your thriftiness has contributed to his ability to own all this property. Try costing up the wages of a housekeeper and see how that mounts up before you get on to the food bill etcetera.
Yes you have grounds for divorce, but if you do decide on this, get some good legal advice. This creep (sorry but he sounds it) will undoubtedly try and rip you off in a divorce settlement so build up a portfolio of his property and assets and keep a log of where his money is going. When he is out photocopy what you can of financial documents. If this sounds sneaky - well, you only need use them if he tries making out he has no money. Make sure and keep a record of when he gives you housekeeping and how much. As for asking your parents for money, that can't be a very unsatisfactory state of affairs. If this was by cheque, see if there is any financial record.

You could try presenting him with an itemised bill for what a nanny/housekeeper would charge, not forgetting to add in the shopping and suggest that either he coughs up, or he can hire a replacement

I have a family and count myself a good housekeeper - I think you could hire yourself out to other mothers who have budgeting problems, because I don't know how you have managed this far.

Answer 3

The first few lines sounded just like my life with my ex-husband except the fact that we don't have any children. I truly believe if he's that cheap with you now, he will figure out a way to keep you from getting anything upon his demise, and who is to say that you won't die first. Whether you die first or last you need to live your life now. If I were you I would ask him one last time to provide for me, and if he does not come up with an amicable resolution, I'm sure that a good lawyer will. You deserve better than that stingy man. I can say that to you all day, but nothing is going to happen until you believe it can. A man spends his money where his heart is, and it's evident that you are not his heart. He is definitely being abusive to you, but you have to remember one major detail; you are allowing him to. Put a stop to it today. You need to come up with a game plan. You have spent too much time procrastinating about someone who's perpetrating on you. This man does not love you, and he does not have your best interest in mind. You need to consult a lawyer for some advice about your grounds for divorce. There are three types of people in the world: those who watch things happen, those who make things happen, and those who don't know what happened, which one are you? Look in the mirror when you ask yourself this question. I believe that everything is going to work out in your favor. God bless you and may he keep you at perfect peace.

Answer 4

What a ****. I would go strait to the solicitors and get it sorted. You do not need grounds for a devorce so much these day as ireconsilable differences. This will punch him in the gooles and the wallet. You can get half of everything and 20% of his future income for the kids till they are 18.

Bet that would smart the mean bastard.

£40 per week would have seemed a bargin by the time you have finished.

Good luck

Answer 5

what the hell is wrong with this man?.... £40 a week to pay bills feed the kids, get food in etc etc....is he for real?....i would seriously have words with him about that....my ex was the same i only go £30 off him per week and i had 3 small kids to feed, it was not enough, and neither was my child support money, he used to keep the rest and spend it on his mates or on what ever woman he had snagged....but your husband SHOULD support you more, theres no use in him saying tat you'll be a rich widow...what about NOW...? he's treating you bad girl, like some low income slave wife, he should be handing you that UNOPENED pay packet every week, and not when he sees fit...how selfish, i would be packing my things now if i were you....i would seek some legal help and slam a divorce up his ****....

Answer 6

Oh my! Sounds a little familiar.When we marry it is supposed to become equal. You should never ask your parents,he is supposed to take care of you and yours.Everything the 2 of you have is equally yours.Your job seems to not be respected by him,but if not for you he may have starved or his children could be nasty or the house a total pig sty. Your thriftiness has kept (his house) ha ha together. Stand up for yourself and your children and explain the situation to him calmly ,you have begged for the last time,if he is not willing to give a respected amount then let him do without and explain the children and home will survive first. They will be whats standing at the end when u become that rich widow.

Answer 7

This always fascinates me, my wife and I have been married for 7 years and have 3 joint accounts, I mean we share everything.
I have friends who have separate accounts like yourself and have often wondered what happens when you go out for a meal, do you split the bill.
I believe that marriage is a union which everything is shared even money, I can't work it out.
I don't think it's wrong a setup like this if it works for you, but obviously it isn't.
I'm not too sure of a solution for you, maybe you could suggest a joint account, or serve him pot noodles and say that is all the housekeeping could buy.
Good luck and I hope it works out for you.

Answer 8

Oh my goodness: I think we have been married to the same man (only I left him 7 years ago)

Is there a reason why you have allowed yourself to be treated in this way?
Why would he change? There has been no consequence for him over the years for abusing you. He obviously has little respect for you as you have allowed him to act this way.
Sorry - dont mean to be so harsh but people only treat you in the way you allow them.
stop wasting time trying to change him -it wont work - invest in working out what you want, how you can get it, and your future.
You will certainly be entitled to 50% of the equity from your marriage if you divorce.
Remember the only thing you cannot control in your life in any way is time. You deserve better.
I have never been happier without my ex husband _ I only wish I spent my time concentrating on myself instead of trying to convince him to change.

Answer 9

Lady - Please, please, please divorce him. Of course you have grounds for divorce. If you leave him your income will immediately shoot up when you claim income support or tax credit, either of which you would be entitled to. He is a mean and cruel person and is not treating you like a wife at all. What on earth does he mean when he says that you haven't contributed. You have given him children and are raising them and running a house for your family, including him. Take your children and run, your divorce settlement should be in your favour. I used to be married to a man like this, though he didn't own or have anything. 20 years later I am now with a new partner and we have a child together. I have never looked back and only regret not leaving him sooner. Please do this for yourself as well as your children. He is no role model for them and they deserve better. Good luck. xx

Answer 10

yes it is grounds for divorce and if you do go for one your husband is in for a big shock because not only will you be allowed money from his businesses but he will have to pay a lot more than £40 in csa payments, in fact you will be a lot more better off you will feel rich, also if children are involved you don't have to leave the home, you can still get all your benefits, go and see a solicitor today and get rid of this cruel and worthless husband

Answer 11

In the U.S. this is grounds for a divorce. And YES, you did cotnribute... just the fact that you are married would make you entitled to half here, even if you never lifted a finger.

However, it's obvious you have contributed. I'm sorry, your husband is a controlling, emotionally abusive person and I can't imagine why you would put up with it.