He said he payed rent but he only payed half. I'm making a huge deal over it because not I can't trust him and he showed me how irresponsible he is. I'm even thinking of telling him that I don't think we're ready to get married now. Am I making too big of deal out of it?
2007-03-28 01:55:35 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He said the rest of the money went for us to have spending money for the weekend (which I believe).
2007-03-28 02:07:38 · update #1
Lying is the most unattractive characteristic someone can have, especially someone you want to spend your whole life with. If he lied about this, he's probably lied about other things as well.
Have a heart to heart and tell him how much you're hurt and that he should be able to share anything with you, even if it's embarassing that he didn't have the money. If he didn't have the money...where did the money go? Is he spending it on stuff he shouldn't be spending it on? You should go to Dr. Phil's website and look at that "are you ready for marriage" quiz.
2007-03-28 02:02:16 · answer #1 · answered by kat4noles 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well a few things
1. How much did he not pay?
2. What did he spend the money on?
3. He lied...and this is serious when it comes to your living situation..you could be evicted.
4. What if you get married and he starts doing this and ruins your credit or you lose your house.
5. This is a big deal and I would take it seriously.
6. Is he hiding something like a drug problem?
7. Call of the wedding for awhile and see if he can build back your trust.
I'm sorry about this. When it comes to money that is the #1 marriage ruiner so if money has become an issue now tread lightly.
2007-03-28 02:02:40 · answer #2 · answered by colie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is a big deal. Being able to trust your partner--your fiance, no less--should be the foundation of any relationship.
But that being said, and with the additional info you posted, there are questions that will help you put yourself in his shoes before you make any final judgements:
1) When was the rent due?
2) When were the misappropriated funds used (probably sooner)?
3) When was additional funding expected to pay for the rent (if it was expected before the rent was due then it helps but still Red Flags should be raised)?
4) Why did he feel he didn't need to tell you the rent was not fully paid?
2007-03-28 04:49:33 · answer #3 · answered by Sin™ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes it's VERY HARD for men to admit when they have a failing. I would sit him down and let him know that you found out he only payed half, and ask him what is up. It could be that he ran into some money problems this month, and is shy about bringing it up to you, and may have it worked out with your landlord to pay the rest in a week or so. This doesn't mean that he's not marriage material, it may just mean that he's upset with himself for failing in this area, and is unsure of how to tell you. Talk it over with him first. If you find out he's flat out lying just to keep more money to himself, then yes, that is behavior you really need to consider before marriage. Especially if it's supporting a habit like drugs, drinking, gambling, or so on. But don't go ask him if you're angry, take some time to calm down so that he can see you're asking him openly, and then he in return can be open. The best way to get an answer in this is to be gentle when asking him and persuading him that he can trust you and that he can tell you. I wish you two all the best! :)
2007-03-28 02:05:02 · answer #4 · answered by Kendra 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
While spending money for the weekend is nice, you need to be able to trust him and have a place to live. I do not think you are making too big of a deal of this at all. Priorities are priorities and cannot be overlooked for weekend spending money.
If the two of you are getting married and he cannot be honest with you and tell you that you cannot go out for the weekend because the money has to go to the rent that is a problem.
He is not handling bills well. I agree with you that you should hold off on getting married until he learns to be honest with you.
Take care,
Troy
2007-03-28 02:16:50 · answer #5 · answered by tiuliucci 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course the standard answer you'll get here is go to counseling, LMAO.
Yes you need to make a really big deal out of it since not paying one's rent usually leads to eviction and for women whoredom is not too far behind eviction.
I bet he either gambled your money away or he spent it in a strip club. You sound like a smart girl, you need to put the marriage plans on hold for a while, don't rush it, give your BF a chance to man up a little more.
Spending money??? Classic. So now you're defending the actions of the very guy you called on the Yahoo community to help you with. I've seen this COPS episode too many times before. So obviously, you haven't seen this spending money right since you are asking us what did he do with the other half of the money. So a better way of sayin it is it's his spending money for the weekend.
Actually, you two are perfect for one another, scratch everything I posted earlier, go ahead and marry this guy, love will make it work out . LMAO.
2007-03-28 02:01:59 · answer #6 · answered by huckleberry1 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You have a right to make a big deal over it. I guess you two are already shacked up together, so you tell him from now on you control the purse strings. If he has a problem with that then move out and break it off with him. I wonder what he did with the other half of the rent and what consequences this has on your lease?
2007-03-28 02:01:58 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Not paying the rent it going to effect whether or not you have a place to live! Of course it is a big deal. Tell him about hisself.
But it sounds like it could be more than just the rent if you are thinking twice about marriage.
2007-03-28 01:59:55 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not. My ex husband pulled this on me, and my question would be what did he do with the rest of the money??? Does he have a 'problem' that you don't know about or something? If so, what is it, can you and he work through it, and is he mature enough to handle a marriage commitment if he isn't grown up enough to handle a rental commitment, and is risking your home for some frivolous reason.
2007-03-28 02:01:21 · answer #9 · answered by lovegodlots 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would definately make a big deal over it. What did he spend the rest of the money on? my ex did that stuff all the time, turned out he was on drugs and he hid it very well for about a year. i figured it would get better but it got worse. we were married for 7 years and they were hell for me and my children. i don't blame you for putting the wedding on hold. there could be things going on with him that he's hiding from you and it's better to find out before you get married. talk to him and find out what's going on. i wish you luck.
2007-03-28 02:09:10 · answer #10 · answered by robsgrl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋