What is the best thing to do?

Question

My husband had DUI last October. He drank 4 beers and drove the car.However his drivers license is suspended. He didn't quit drinking. He doesn't get drunk, but he's drinking beer all the time. I've been telling him to stop that, I've been nice, I've been rude, nothing helps. He is going to AA meetings (judge order) but before and after he goes he drinks. He goes there only because judge ordered that, not because of him. Anyway, he started working last week for our friend who owns some industrial shop here, but that friend lives in NY. Last week was OK, but this week husband started taking beer to work with him. I already talk to our friend - he's my husband's boss, but the guy is in NY and can't do anything, he only visit us once in two months, can't fire him cause my husband really works, the job is done on time, but the boss (our friend) doesn't agree that my husband is taking beer with him to work every day. All he's telling me is to talk to my husband not to do that, but I tried, nothing helps, my husband only gets mad, telling me he's the manager there, he is, but that's work, hellooo….you don’t take beer with you at workplace. What can I do to stop him taking beer to work with him?

Answer 1

i think you need to tell him that he needs to get help or you are leaving...you can't change him, but you can change you...get out while the getting is good.

Answer 2

This is not your battle it is your husbands.He is an adult although he is acting like a child.He has to want to stop drinking for himself and there is nothing that you or anyone else can say or do to stop him.You said yourself that he only goes to AA because he was ordered to by the judge HELLO he is creating his own hell and you need to draw the line somewhere.Hopefully the two of you don't have children together because the children will pay the ultimate price in the end.You need to decide when enough is enough is this the life you really want to live.If alcohol is more important to your husband then you are then you are wasting your time with him.As far as your husband drinking on the job that is an issue for his job to take care of.I have no sympathy for alcoholics especially the ones with DUI's do you realize how many innocent people they kill every year....I also think that your husband is a very shallow person for going to AA and basically mocking the people that are there sincerely trying to be better people he should be ashamed of himself.All I can tell you is that there is nothing YOU can do to make him stop he has to want to stop for himself..Good Luck..

Answer 3

Taking beer to work? Now there is a problem.

You have the following choices:

1. Nag him forever about it (miserable and ineffective for all - your current path)
2. Ignore it and hope he doesn't get killed
3. Get tough. Tell him that you expect him to stop drinking by, say, May 1, and by Jan. 1 next year he must have stopped altogether (i.e. no drinking at all between May 1 and Jan 1). If he does not, you will divorce him. And you have to be SERIOUS. If you are not, he'll do it anyways and you'll be in option #1.

Alcoholics usually cannot "scale back". They either stop or don't stop.

It's your life. Choose how you want it to be, but be prepared for the fact you may divorce over this. If you have to, you should. You don't want to waste your life with an alcoholic.

Answer 4

When I was 16, I moved out of my house, telling my dad I wouldn't come back until he stopped drinking. After a week or two, he said he was going to AA. He cut back for a long time. But he still drinks. But now he is more of a happy drunk and doesn't yell like he used to. I don't know what you can really do, he is the one who has to change, all you can do is suggest. Some kind of a wake up call? Good luck!

Answer 5

I can't believe nobody has mentioned this but it sounds like your husband is an alcoholic. He needs help.

You need to seriously talk to him about this. It doesn't matter if he only drinks 4 beers.

When you're taking it to work and have to have it before and after the meetings theres an issue here.

He will end up losing his job, and if he continues he will never get his license back.

What if he gets behind the wheel again while drinking.

I would give him an ulimatum.

Answer 6

You can't stop him, if he doesn't want to stop he wont and your nagging (sorry to use that word) will only encourage him to do it more. Tell your friend you have discussed it with him and that he is not listening to you, you have no control over his actions, you have a choice when it starts affecting your home - then you can make a difference, but when it comes to the work place, it's his boss's responsibility to sort it out if he is not happy with the whole idea. But seriously, your darling hubby is an alcoholic!

Answer 7

Try talking to him again and if still no results make an annonimous call to the safety comission. and don't tell anyone you called!!!! It's against safety laws to be impaired while working around any kind of machinery. They come snooping around and the boss may get a fine!!! If the boss likes to make money and keep his shop open he'll either do something about it or loose his shop.

Answer 8

It sounds like your husband will be out of a job and friend sooner or later. Your husband got to change on his own right now he don't want to and he is not trying to so something bad got to happen before he change so don't be surprise if your husband friend gets feed up and fire him!

Answer 9

Some friend his boss is. If the boss can't tell him to leave the juice at home,then I would tell hubby not to come on. You're letting him get over on you. Don't let him. Get nasty if you must.

Answer 10

Go take your concerns to the judge and ask that the order be changed to have untimely blood tests to check if he is complying with the judges order. You husbands freind isn't going to be one your side.