stay at home mums..have you ever felt looked down on?

Question

was just wondering if anyone else who is a stay at home mum has felt or been made to feel less important or like they are lazy? I have just had my first baby and decided that as we can afford to, i would stay home and raise my child myself.
I used to work in childcare and have seen good and bad places and dont see the point in paying for someone to look after my baby while i look after somone elses.
I feel it was my decision (and my husbands) to have a baby and so my responsibility to raise him, but sometimes when people ask "what do you do for a living?" i feel they look down on me when i say a stay at home mum.
As far as i am concerned i am doing the best job and most importnat in my life, but have no problems with other mums going to work, you need to do what you feel is right for you.
But was just wondering if anyone else has felt like i do, also if you breastfeed/breastfed how comfortable were you doing it in public?

Answer 1

good for you for making your decision to stay home. i feel the same and just had my second baby 2 months ago. first is 22 months. everyone kept asking, what do you do? i said i chase my kids around and they look at me like i have 2 heads. i have heard too many bad things about daycares and id rather stay home. sometimes i wish i had more to my day than hanging out with my kids, but it feels good for family to see what he is learning and know i taught it too him. people do keep saying when are you going back to work, and im like, i do work. if someone else was watching my kids they would have a job, but because i watch my own they do see it as being lazy. oh well, i get `paid in pb&j kisses and first words. good luck and im with ya!! also, about the breastfeeding, i was with my first but not my second. i waer a tank top under regular cloths, put a blanket or cover over shoulder. pull up outer layer under cover, pull breast over top of tank top, put baby in there, pull shirt down a little to cover breast and nothing shows. you also have the blanky for extra cover. you can even walk around like that. practice at home with it till its easier. i can whip out that thing and feed in seconds and no one knows the difference. good luck

Answer 2

I have experienced similar prejudices because of being a stay at home mom. It's hard when you know how hard it is to do the job of a stay at home mom. It really is 24/7! But nobody ever really believes that until they do it themselves. Actually the most prejudices that I have had come from other mothers that work full time and raise children. They seem to think that what they do is harder and some how deserves them more credit then those of us that just stay home. I honestly believe that there are pros and cons to both. When I had only one child I did work and I'll tell you one thing going to work every day felt like a vacation. I would look forward to it a lot of days of course some days all I wanted to do was stay home but usually looked forward to getting away for a few hours. Now that I have two I need to be home to truly offer my children the kind of lifestyle and attention that I think they deserve. And many days I look back on the days when I worked and think boy that was a piece of cake. For me staying home day after day with my kids and being "mommy" 24/7 with no breaks is the hardest job that I have ever done but also the most rewarding too!! To all the women or men out there that make me feel less than...I say this until you have walked in my or our "stay at home mom's" shoes you can not judge us!!

Answer 3

I do sort of feel looked down on and where I am stay at home mums are always branded as lazy but when I chose to have a baby I wanted to be the one to look after it. At the moment we're financially ok for me to stay at home but there may come a time soon where I have to go to work but there's nothing wrong with that either. At the end of the day you have to do what's right for you and your family, not what other people think.

Answer 4

I've never felt looked down on, I think most people now realise being a stay at home mum isn't a breeze it's a hard but rewarding job. (and if they don't I tell them so!). I don't intend to go back to work until my youngest daughter is full time at school, and then I only want to work during school hours. Obviously it limits the work you can do but I would personally rather be there for my children. I don't however, think there is anything wrong with mums who work it's a case of doing whats right for you and your family.
I breastfed both my children, I wasn't ever really comfortable with breastfeeding in public, but you do get used to it.

Answer 5

Ignore them. What you are doing is the most important thing you can do with your time. You will never regret staying home with your children. You only get one chance - they're young such a short time! In my community, full time Moms are coming back in style, thank Goodness!
As for breast feeding in public, most of the time you can find somewhere that's not right in the middle of things to take care of feeding your baby. Many restrooms have a chair or area where you can sit or you can opt for the bench furtherest from the limelight, so to speak.
Also, if you wear clothing you can pull up, instead of something that buttons down the front, I found that most people won't even know what's going on. Just cover over the top a little with a blanket or diaper and most people won't even give you a second look. It looks like the baby's sleeping from their point of view. Good luck. Have fun with your baby.

Answer 6

I got to be a stay at home mom for 12 years and I am so happy that I got to have that time with my kids!!! I work now and I love that too. Just be grateful, so many moms have to put their infants in day care and I know they must hate it! I never felt like I was looked down on by working moms, in fact I think quite a few of them were jealous. Either way, moms should just do the best they can, kids turn out fine in both situations. As far as breastfeeding in public, I do not think there is anything wrong with it, just keep a blanket over the breast so it isn't too obvious and no one else should mind it either. Enjoy the baby years they go by too fast!

Answer 7

I agree with u.

I am 12 weeks pregnant with my first child.
I am an accountant & my husband is a Head Chef.
We have decided that although I earn more than my husband, I will finish work to bring up our baby.
I do not see the point in having a child & then let someone else bring it up.
U miss out on all the important things like their first walk, their first word etc & thats something u can never get back.
I will work as late as possible into my pregnancy then take a year off but I will not be going back to my career. I will have to do some sort of work as we will not beable to live just off my husbands wage but I am hoping to do something from home or work around my husbands hours.

Being a mum is the hardest job in the world & u should never ever be made to feel inadequate for wanting to bring up your child yourself.

Good luck & congratulations!!! :-)

Answer 8

Well not really although my eldest daughter who is 8 has a freind who told her that if her mummy(me) didnt go back to work after having my second baby then we would run out of money and get kicked out of our house!!!!

This girls mum and dad work full time 9-6pm sometimes later and have a full time nanny. the eldest was put into a day nursery at 6 weeks old. So i think that is where the girls ideas come from. I know im doing the best for my kids but does she?!!! She has never even taken maternity leave. Its her life but i couldnt do that. (they can afford for mum to stay at home too which doesnt make sense.)
I look after my kids and no-one else. I have just started working 3 nights a week 9pm till 7:30pm so that i can still be at home during day. But if it doesnt wrk out my partner is happy if i dont do it. Whats the point in having kids to palm them off to someone else. You go girl you've got your prioraties right.
I must just say though that i cannot say what is right or wrong for the individual parent. its their choice really. I have just said what i think. there are situations where the parent has no choice i guess.

Answer 9

I agree with you completely - I used to have a great, well-paid job and we decided that I would stay at home with our little boy, as we could afford it just about. I feel that some Mums can be pretty snotty and I used to try to justify what I was doing by saying 'Oh, but I used to be this and that'. In the end, I realised I was mad for feeling inferior - like you, I feel I've now got the the best job in the world and I couldn't be happier! I think if I had to go back to work now I'd be really envious of those Mums at home with their kids full time. Just don't worry about it and enjoy your baby!

I just breast fed for a couple of months, unfortunately. I'm not sure where you are (UK?) - I think sometimes that where you live can dictate how you feel about whether you do it in public, even though it shouldn't be like that. I always felt totally comfortable in Brighton, but wouldn't have dared breastfeed in public somewhere like Tunbridge Wells :-))))

So, in short, just relax, enjoy and sod 'em :-)

Answer 10

Hi..I felt that way for along time...I felt that no matter whether I cleaned, cooked, took care of everyone..I felt that it was not enough and that people looked at me like I was lazy..Yes I have felt like that!

I had to make a change...Yes I am a mother and a wife but I am also Me, and Me needed something more. Then i found my own business at home!!
Here take a look you could too!!

www.candlesaplenty.com

The best part is my kids now help me with my business and I think they do a better job that me...
So the moral to my story is Yes I am A Mother and a Wife but I now know that I am a Successful Woman Too!!!

Answer 11

Yup. I think it might be because SOME women who return to work think that if they can work and be a mother at the same time every women should want to and be able to.
I know several working moms who would rather be at home with their children and don;t understand why women who can afford it would rather go back to their careers.
I honestly don;t care either way, a woman has to do what is right for her. Whether it's stay home or work.

Didn't have any trouble breastfeeding in public. Was as natural as if I was at home.