cheating wife?

Question

how do you get over it?
we want to put it past us. anyone work it out and are better for it

Answer 1

I don't think you ever get 'over' it. Wives fall in love when they cheat. For a long time (a couple of years), they stay in love too ... and stay with their husbands for the sake of the children.

if you don't have children, its probably time to let her go because the alternative takes so much out of you. If you have children, then get every detail you can; and go over it as many times as you need to until you get it resolved. Unless you did something to cause vengeance, the reason she fell in love was accidental. Find out why 'it' happened, and fix it.

You have to make her feel safe and accepted in order to get her talking. Unless you can do this, there isn't a way to process this kind of betrayal.

Answer 2

Yes you can get over it.
Yes you can be better for it.

Here's the deal though. It takes a bit of a new rule set.
She needs to come clean. Why did it happen and it will NEVER happen again. Then Detail what does happen if it does happen again( immediate divorce and she gets the hell out with her clothes, the rest is uncontested without any community property).
You do not need the details only the understanding what she was thinking. It is the only way you can avoid a recurrence.
You also do not need to hear " you were or were not doing whatever". This is on her. That is the major admission.
At that point you will need to be quiet about it. That is the most difficult part. This will eat on you for a while and you will be even more distant, and rightfully so.
At that point she had better kiss your butt for some time.

This worked for us 25+ years ago. Had we not stayed together I would not have enjoyed my sons. Better yes, wiser as well.
She has forfeited her right to the unconditional love and trust she had. In fact it will never get back there. The other reality is that it will not get back there with anyone. Its that once bitten thing. Trust is earned and she has a lot of work to do. If she is in any way unwilling then it may not be worth the effort.

If she has come to you with the understanding that it was a huge mistake and she will not do it ever again then you can give her a second chance.
There is only ONE second chance. There is no third chance here.
Do the contract about this second chance. She must understand that she was wrong and you are taking charge of your own well being. She broke the previous verbal promise made in front of a crowd. If that were not enough, this time get it in writing.
Kind of a postnuptual agreement. Again, any unwillingness to agree to that and she is not really with the program.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

I cheated on my boyfriend when we were still dating. It didn't go very far before I realized what I was doing to my boyfriend who loved me dearly. The thing was, my boyfriend never wanted to marry always using money as an excuse. The guy I cheated with was rich, filthy rich, so I guess I thought that this guy loved me so much that he will marry me and not use the money excuse for 8 years like my boyfriend did. Anyway, I broke it up and told my boyfriend, he was devastated but said he loved me so much he will forgive me and honestly, he has forgiven me, has never brought it up again, but I haven't forgiven myself yet, don't think I ever will. My boyfriend and I got married about 8 months after the discretion and we have now been married for a year and we are much better off, financially we are fine and we have never been more in love. Sometimes it might just hurt too much and you can't get over it, but my story is living proof that anything is possible. Good luck.

Answer 4

yes we are better for it . unfortunatly it was me and not her this was about 13 or 14 years ago . so once you have agreed it wont happen again it is never to be brought into another conversation as well. this is going to take some time to get over on your part. as the trust you have for your wife was stripped from you. now best thing i can tell you is if your relationship is strong enough to make it thru this, there wont be anything that will get inbetween the 2 of you! now good luck and try not to become another statistic!

Answer 5

Wife cheated was remorseful and begged forgiveness....then cheated again and gave same speech. Has cheated a number of more times , supposedly "all that is over with" but after months since she supposedly gave it up - there is no trust at all.

Answer 6

I tried to get over it. And I'm sure with many years of trying, it could have succeeded, but unfortunately it was harder than I bargained for. I do have a friend who was cheated on over 20 years ago and she is still married and happily so to her husband. But, she did say he slept on the couch for about 2 years before she forgave him completely. It's up to you to forgive, but if you are continually on yahoo answers searching for answers no one can give you, then you aren't willing to move on.

You have to stop questioning things. You have to stop asking questions on here. You have to get into some sort of therapy to work out the pain. You need to forgive, and no one on here can help you with that. And to forgive does not in any way you have to forget this. You have to learn to trust again. If you can't, walk now and move on.

Answer 7

depends alot on her attitude, and show of remorse about what she has done. she has to understand that what she did hurt u, and give up the affair immediately. at some point if u have agreed to forgive her, u will have to let it go, or else the marriage will be doomed. your ego is damaged, she will have to regain your trust and make amends for what she has done, alot of communication, not about the details of her cheating but about how to fix the marriage.

Answer 8

You don't. there are so many issues which get broken when someone cheats on another. You will always have seeds of doubt which will torment your marriage forever. File for a divorce on grounds of adultery, and move on.
No I found that once trust is broken, it is lost.

Answer 9

it will always be there. It's been 7 years for me and it's still hard sometimes. still have issues with trust...still get caught up inside my head sometimes...when it happened it was something that bothered me every single day. over the years it became less and less but it still bothers me. my mother in law told me at the time it will get better - i told her i just wanted to forget about it and she told me that you'll never forget...it was 20 years for her.

sometimes i think i made a mistake staying with her but i love her. they say love conquers all things and perhaps it does but it can't make you forget....good luck whatever you do.

Answer 10

You can't move on until you are sure the cheating has stopped.