I messed up?But i still love my hubby and dont want to hurt him?

Question

I am 24 yrs old and have been married for 4 yrs most of which was happily. I have a son from another relationship who is 5.5 yrs old gets along great with my hubby the only dad he has ever known. Before my seperation with my hubby we were trying to get pregnant for almost 2 yrs. This put a lot of strain on our relationship causing a lot of fights he wanted us to have a baby to complete our family.He started accusing me of trying to prevent pregnancy which was not the case.Then it became that i was working to much he accused me off having an affair not true at all.Currently i have been seperated leagally from my hubby for a year.During the seperation i had a fling with my son's bio-dad(though i never told him he has a son) who is also married and was going through the trying to get prenant drama.I am pregnant again 7 months along not told the fling.My hubby called to say he wants to work things out?I love my hubby and want to but am afraid of his reaction?

My hubby has been living in california but still calls my son (his step child) to see how he is doing.He was a great dad to him and great hubby to me.When he left he said it was for space.

It's the flings baby i am carrying i found out to late to do anything about it.

Answer 1

Assuming the current pregnancy is due to your fling and not your husband, I'd say you're in a bit of trouble.

Either way, you have no choice but to tell him. Its not like you can keep this from him if you expect to work things out. I've no idea if your husband remained faithful the entire time you were separated, but I'm sure if he had made a child with another woman you'd want to know this information.

There is no great advice here. You have to be honest and hope for the best. If you truly love your husband then fight to prove yourself worth his forgiveness. If he loves you, he'll allow you the chance... eventually.

Good luck to you, I hope it all works out for the best. One last bit of advice, never talk to the ex-fling again. He's ruining your relationship

Answer 2

Well you are really not doing a great job at this. I am sorry but you never told the guy (the ex) he has a son already? Then you have a fling with him and get pregnant again?

What are you doing? I mean this guy never got to prove if he could be a good parent, you never gave him the chance.

Now your husband is not going to get a chance either. He probably will not come back and welcome you with open arms by the way. I am sure this will sting quite a bit.

I think you should sit down and think about how you have handled both pregnancies and how you got there, maybe do some soul searching because you are going about all of this ALL WRONG and hurting a lot of people in the process.

Not to mention your 5.5 year old son is bound to be quite upset when he finds out his dad never had a chance.

Maybe a bit to much of a controlling person on this one.. eh?

Answer 3

Sheesh! Maybe you should write this as a soap opera script! I am kidding, but what a mess you have made! How to clean it up? Well, you and your husband were separated when you had the "fling" with the ex. At least THAT is in your favor, that you were separated at the time. However, I see a couple of BIG things working against you here. First, now you are pregant with another man's baby. Your husband may see this as a "slap in the face" to him...as if he wasn't man enough to father a child! Or...he may just NOT like the idea of you having this "fling" and now having another child, that is NOT his by the way, out of that "fling!" Another byline in this drama is that your husband played the "space" card. I have never been a big fan of the "space" card. What that tells me is that the other person doesn't want to be around me, and feels that whatever is wrong between us can't be worked out by talking and working on it together. It also tells me that maybe he is NOT as committed to the relationship as you are. I think at this point, you are going to have to come clean and explain to him what happened. Also tell him that you want him back and the two of you will go see a counsellor to see if you can find out what is causing his trust issues with you. I would also suggest that he see a doctor to see if there may be an underlying physical issue that would cause him to have problems fathering a child. He may NOT want to hear that, but there may be other health issues at stake as well, so it is really for his overall good as well. IF...and again, I say IF, the two of you get back together, you BOTH will have be willing to work REALLY hard on this marriage in order to make it grow strong! Don't act like kids in a sand box and get mad and take your toys and go home! That's NOT the way adults are supposed to handle conflict! Be willing to be open and honest with each other...talk things out..WITHOUT yelling, screaming, or being accusatory! Just present the facts and your opinions, which you are entitled to, as he is to his. If you work at this, you will be surprised how easy it will become and how much better your marriage will be. AND STAY AWAY FROM THE EX!

Answer 4

As much as it may hurt him you should tell him the truth. Chances are if the baby is not his it will come out and not look a thing like him..if there is a chance that the baby is his then he still deserves to know that there is also a slight chance that there could be another father. If he was to find out years down the road that would do more damage then him finding out now. Im sorry for the heartache that you are feeling and I hope that you are able to put your family back together again. But also, I believe that the real father of your 5 year old deserves to know that he has a child so that he has a chance to be in his life.

Answer 5

This shows your immaturity. Sorry to be blunt, but mature adults do not cheat whether or not you are separated especially if there's a chance of getting back together with your hubby. However, now that the deed is done, all you can do is suck it up and live life the best you can. As for your current hubby, you'll have to tell him you cheated on him and are now pregnant. Also, your current hubby should have been checked on his sperm count rather than just assuming you are totally to blame. Once the new baby is born, get some DNA tests done, and OH!!! tell the 'real' father of your son he is a DAD. Don't be so cruel as to allow him to think he has no children. That's pathetic to hold that a secret, especially for your son's sake. You make women ashamed to be a woman. Again, sorry for my bluntness but I get so angry at cruel / mean / sick people like you to hold a secret that is detrimental to your son's life.

Answer 6

You have got yourself into a mess but it will be sorted out.

It sound to me like were with your husband out of comfort and stability. He gave you the stable home you craved for after things did not work out with your first child's father. You feel affection for this man but not true love, or you would not have had a fling with your ex. You are not the only one to blame, your husband was unsupportive about your missing baby.

As far as sorting your life out goes, I suggest that you start again- without a man in your life, be it your husband or ex. Tell your husband and ex the truth and then take sometime out to concentrate on your new baby and son, who may have been neglected in your relationship hassles.

Don't let anyone tell you you are a bad person, you have made mistakes that is all, and now it is how you deal with them that matter.
Good Luck.

Answer 7

OMG. What were you thinking? You should be ashamed.

First of all, when you are trying to get pregnant, it doesn't usually happen, because of stress. It happens when you least expect it. Look at you now. I would first of all, tell you child's bio father that he has a child. It is his legal right to know. Whether you want him in his life or not, is another story, but he has the right to know. Secondly, I don't think you will be getting your hubby back now after this. You should let him go to be with someone who will appreciate him. Because you certainly didn't. There is one word I have left to say......

THERAPY!!!!

Answer 8

Wait, so who's baby is it? Hubby's or the ex?

It sounds like it's the ex's baby, and you're in quite a pickle. I think your husband will probably move on...maybe not wanting to raise another baby by another man (incidentally the same man who doesn't even know he has a child by you from years ago?). But who knows? I'm pretty sure he hasn't been living as a monk in California - so who's to say that he hasn't been fooling around, too.

You owe it to yourself, your husband, your child(ren), and the father of these babies to be honest. Nothing can be solved if you aren't.

Answer 9

Space, he isn't stupid, he probably knows what has been going on and life is a @#$%^. How can you say you love someone after you have done what you did, not get pious on you but get real. Tell your sons bio-dad that he has a son and another on the way. Keep your legs closed and just take what your deserve and deal with it.

Answer 10

It appears that you are a ho and have completely run this off into the ditch. All becasue you couldn't keep your legs closed. You deserve what you get (2 kids and no marriage). Stupid women like you just make me shake my head and laugh.

You should obtain some intense therapy so you don't pop out #3 unmarried. Good luck.