I am a gay in the closet and coming out will make me free and happier but my parents, family miserable.Advice?

Question

I live in this country where homosexuality is not tolerated at all - gays are beaten, hated and even murdered. People don't understand that being gay is not a choice. Anyway, if I decide to come out of the closet that would mean I have to move to a more civilized country. That's what I would like to do for my own sake. But this will ruin the lives of my parents, some friends and family. I am already under pressure to get married, which, of course, can't happen and I don't know whether I should be selfish and try to immigrate somewhere and reveal my identity and thus make my parents whom I love to death unhappiest people on the earth or just keep on living suffering and cursing my luck and my orientation every day. Once I asked my brother what he would do if he had a gay sibling, he said he would kill him/her or kill himself cuz of the stigma and the society's attitude. I could kill myself and I'm fine with that, but I don't know if this is the "average" of the two solutions.PLEASE HELP

Answer 1

You are not in charge of anyone else's happiness but yours. If they choose to be unhappy about your life. They have the problem and they need to deal with it. Not you!

Answer 2

This seems to be a no-win situation here. Can you move out of this country? Settle in a more liberal society? If that's possible, then I'd suggest hold on till you can do that. Once you are out of possible life threats, then you can begin to think about how to go about telling your family. But you will have to make a choice between your own freedom and the happiness of your family. Remember, whatever decision you take, you will be responsible for it, whether you choose to stay in the closet or decide to come out someday.

While I say that, sometimes our fears are irrational, based on hearsay. We tend to exaggerate the family's reaction beforehand, trying to make up the worst case scenario.

Have faith in yourself and believe in your strengths as a person. If you are bold enough at the end of the day, and can fight a battle without fear, you'll definitely come out with flying colors. All the best.

Answer 3

Other people will always try to pressure you into doing what THEY want, because people are naturally self-oriented. You can either live your entire life trying to please everyone else (which you won't ever do 100% anyway) or you can respectfully live your own life, and be concerned about your own happiness. You only get a few short years on this earth, are you going to throw them away just because your society has some ignorant expectations for how you're supposed to live? Just go to another country and say it's to study abroad, or make up some reason like that. You don't necesarily have to come out to your family if it will publicly disgrace them. Your brother won't kill himself either he was exaggerating just a tad. But seriously ask yourself, if you have to live a lie just to keep someone's approval and love, is it really worth it? If your parents don't love you for who you are, screw them, life is too short to waste time on people like that when there are plenty of people out there who will love and respect you for who you really are.

Answer 4

First off if you feel you are in a danger zone I would'nt say anything just yet. Second, they are your parents and yes you want them to be happy but isnt your happiness important to? I would have to say move to a more safe environment and then consider coming out to your parents. They should respect you in everything you do. if you fear for them sometimes hiding the truth is a good option if you think something will happen to them. You could move someplace safe and come out there so that you are a whole person and happy. And when you think that your parents are ready for what you want to tell them then come out to them. I'm sure your brother would not kill himself over something like this. Just be strong, confident, and make sure to put your happiness before theirs. I know that sounds selfish but its your life not their so grab it and live it.