He mentally, verbally and sometimes physically abuses her. She just wont let go coz she's insecure by nature. She says she loves him though their sex life is dead long ago. Everytime an incident occurs with him that puts her down emotionally and physically she looks for my attention and soothing in words and feelings and then she dissapears out of fear of him. Whenever she looks for my attention I start to hope once more that she will eventually realise that life is on the fast lane and she will be left eventually with nothing but misery without love in her life. Many times I thought of blocking her out of my life completely but listening her crying and feeling her unhappy just breaks my heart. I guess Im not so smart after all. So without all you ppl having a close perspective of this case what do u think I should do? Move on or keep on hoping?
2007-03-27 22:41:12 · 19 answers · asked by IamSmartGuy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
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I definitely think you should listen to everyone and move on...they are all right...but I consider you a friend not a lover and i don't understand why you think we should be lovers. I am married and i am not interested in having lovers...just cause you left your wife because of your affairs doesn't mean everyone gives up on a relationship so easily. I want my marriage to work even if we do have our ups and downs I do love him. And i don't consider myself an abused woman. I do tell you about the good things with my husband but you only choose to remember the bad. It's not all bad......only for you it is.....you know i care about you this is why i've decided to put everyone's advice to effect and never talk to you again. I wish you the best cause that is what you deserve. Isn't it what everyone deserves. And for me my husband is the best even though he makes mistakes so do I and this is what love is about...sticking together no matter what and working things out. And becoming better people together even though we make a lot of mistakes along the way we are on are way to something better cause our mistakes are leading us there. I am definitely far from perfect and i don't expect him to be perfect either. He is the most important person in the world to me and will always be. And i will always forgive him like he always forgives me.
2007-03-28 09:59:01 · answer #1 · answered by Melina A 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey--slow down here--you said she is insecure--and a few other things also--she allows the abuse because she figures he is better than nothing. You will never be more than words to this woman--a strong woman stands tall and ends the abuse-she is not strong. You will be miserable because of all the problems this girl has. It will never be a full contact relationship. She has an odd sense of what is attention and what is abuse--she probably was around mean men as a kid--so she sees it as all men are this way--even though you are not. Forget it and find a woman who will appreciate you for the man that you are.You have caretaker syndrome--that's why you feel sorry now, but the woman will grate on your nerves in 6 months----then you will be unhappy. If she wanted you, she would come after you--she doesn't --so get over it and move on. Just smile and be nice---good luck
2007-03-27 23:00:52 · answer #2 · answered by fire_inur_eyes 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Youre probably more in love with the idea of being the white knight in shining armor here and rescueing the damsel in distress than actually being in true love with this woman. If she is getting abused like you say then she knows exactly what has to be done and she has to start the answer or take the first step. What makes the biggest difference hee is your actual questioning of what to do. If you truly really loved her then you would know exactly what to do and besides youd get her the help she needs. You can always turn him into the authorities anonomously as no one needs to stay in an abusive relationship. Be a friend here but watch your feelings as this is a very dangerous situation to get involved in. Even knights with good intentions get burned too. Be careful and be prepared to move on if necessary. Good luck
2007-03-27 22:57:17 · answer #3 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow i feel bad for her and for you in this situation. She has to leave for hersefl and realize that she deserves better then this BUT until she does so she will not leave him or look elsewhere for love or a ralationship... She looks at you as a good friend and confidant and someone she can talk to and lean on. SIt with her and tell her what you are telling us. Be hoenst with her about how you feel and tell her she should leave this guy and the abuse! She loves this guy and he is her identity and security right now. The only life she knows is the one that she has with him. Encourage her to seek counseling and help and to talk to some professional about what he is doing to her and they will suggest to her what she should do as well. You should still be her friend no matter what BUT let go of the romantic feelings and love you have for her and move on with your life in that sense. Always be supportive and helpful to her as a friend as she needs this in her life. Good luck to you and I hope that someday she can get away from this guy and get the help she needs. If and when she ever does leave him she will need time to heal and get past the pain of the abuse before she starts seeing any one else romantically. You will need to give her the space and time to do all this as well if she ever does leave him so she can find herself and work on building her self esteem issues before she starts to every pursue any other relationshiop. You need to be loving and patient and give her time and space through all of this. I also suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him with this and see what kind of advice and help he has for you. She also needs to leave him and be totally divorced with no strings attached to him whatsoever before she can even think about being with any other guy again in the first place.
2007-03-27 23:32:12 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like a nice guy, and that you've always been there for her....I wish she'd leave this other loser and be with you!
You said that she says she "loves" him, which is a bit of a clue that made me wonder if she will ever leave him. I can understand how hard it must be for her if she is insecure to break away from this guy, but with your support and love I am not sure what she is waiting for?
It must upset you to see her so unhappy....but sometimes people need to help themselves, SHE is the only one that can leave this guy and she owes it to herself to do that. Can you enlist the help of her friends and family (if she has them) to try and persuade her that she needs to try and be happy?
Even if it's not with you - sad to say - she should not be with a guy who hits her, no matter what!! She needs a strong support network around her to leave him.
However, don't waste your own life waiting for her...I don't know how long you have already waited, but just don't let it go on for years and years. Give it one last big try, to get her some professional help, somewhere she can go to get legal advice etc on how to move out of the house with this guy....perhaps if she sees she has options other than to live with a monster, she'll realize she can be independent. For her to jump straight from him to you isn't right, but if she is able to leave on her own accord then she is in a good place to then start having a relationship with you.
Good luck with it all....and I really hope she realizes what she might miss out on, you sound like a caring guy.....
2007-03-27 22:51:53 · answer #5 · answered by HC123 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Run, don't walk, in the opposite direction. You have no business getting involved with a married woman. It's unfortunate that she's a victim of abuse but until she decides that she will stand up to her husband, and leave him, you have no right to interfere. Besides, abusive husbands who accuse their wives of infidelity will beat them for that. If he filed for divorce on the grounds that YOU'RE involved with her, then it would be a very messy divorce. If there are children involved, most likely their dad will not let them forget that YOU are the one that broke up their parents' marriage.
Also, you need to change your username.
2007-03-27 23:57:23 · answer #6 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her point blank to get rid of him and go out with you. If she says no then leave her to her own devices....As sad as this sounds she may one day realise when shes broken and battered and lying on the ground with a black eye and a swollen face that you loved her....You deserve to be happy too and if she wont make the leap to you then you need to move on. its that simple.
2007-03-27 22:50:23 · answer #7 · answered by naughtiest_nurse_of_em_all 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As sad as this sounds, she likes this abuse. She is never going to leave him, and get away from the abuse. To her, it's a sign that he loves her. She will use YOU, as long as you allow her to. When you get tired of it and move on, she'll find another that will listen and feel sorry for her, until he gets tired of it too....a never-ending cycle. You're not the first for her, and won't be the last. She doesn't want HELP, she wants sympathy. Move on...you're a great guy, and deserve better.
2007-03-27 23:18:35 · answer #8 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Some women just like abuse. They see it as a way of someone caring for them that stems back to her childhood.
Tough pill to swallow but I think you should try to move on. In a round about way she will bring you down.
2007-03-27 23:24:58 · answer #9 · answered by Magicman 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Convince her to leave him or move on without her. Give her a soft place to land. I would date other women and give up eventually if I spoke to her and she wouldn't listen.
2007-03-27 22:49:34 · answer #10 · answered by H 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋