In my work, I earn a few hundred pounds a week on average (1, 2 or 3 hundred depending) and I recieve my money in cash, it doesn't automatically go into a bank. So there is always cash available in the house. However, my partner (who pays the most of the bills, mortgage etc) knows what I earn & where I kep that money & he regularly helps himself to it for things. He isn't using it to buy himself materialistic things or anything, it will be used for things like , food shopping, petrol, car tax, general things & the occasional evening out at the pub.
It's not that I expect him to pay for everything or that I don't want to do by part but often (like today) when I went to my money box, to by some basic groceries, there was nothing in it.
I feel like I earn money then he spends it. I am basically self employed & he says I should work more.
He is finding it hard to get work recently & he has huge debts. I own nothing. If we split up, I leave with nothing but the clothes on my back.
2007-03-27 21:31:13 · 5 answers · asked by Cori 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
So what are your opinions? Am I being selfish or is he taking advantage of me?
2007-03-27 21:31:22 · update #1
Simple, Get a joint account and deposit the money that you whish him to spend into this and keep what you want in your account which he has no access to. By doing this you will keep a sense of independance.
I think that there is somthing to do with the sexes here, as even though your partner dosnt particlaurly spend the money on himself, as a man he would generally feel the need to be in control which is why he spends the money. This isnt being sexist, its just the way most men (including myself) are, as he problably thinks that by paying the bills (even though it is with your money) is looking after you. The reason that I bring this up is that by confornting him over this will problably hurt him (or at least his pride).
So my answer is talk tactfully to him about this, get a joint account with money that is "OK" for him to spend like this, and put the rest in your account which he has no access to.
Also youre not being selfish by wanting to secure your postion.
2007-03-27 22:24:55 · answer #1 · answered by brookieboy88 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I live in the states, I have a hard time keeping a job, my live in girlfriend has been at the same job for 12 years. She pays most of the bills, including mine. What money I make I used to think she had no rights to, but I was wrong. Now I keep 50 bucks a week for my personal needs and donate the rest of my pay to the household. On a personal note I am a anchor in her life, if she would get rid of me and my debts, she'd be well off in life!
2007-03-28 05:18:25 · answer #2 · answered by Silent watcher of fools 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two should sit down and work your finances openly! Don't avoid the issue.
You should also put your money into a bank account so it is clear what you have and what is being used. (and you could start saving a little!)
You can both have separate accounts and one joint account where both of you put equal money in for the communal stuff.
If your partner is going through a rough patch, maybe you should support him! Would he do the same thing for you?
As a couple, buying big items should be discussed and agreed.
2007-03-28 05:19:32 · answer #3 · answered by Stef 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should talk to him about it. You obviously can't afford to contribute as much or to and equal level as he does but he shouldn't just dip in and out of your money like he has the right too, move where you hide your money..... he'll be confused and ask you and hopefully this should spark off a discussion....or arguement? tell him how you feel!!
2007-03-28 05:11:52 · answer #4 · answered by G122-GAZ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just give him half.....keep the rest with you......Don't let him get comfortable about not working......If he doesn't go for that arrangement......split.
2007-03-28 05:13:15 · answer #5 · answered by raggnaar 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋