If your wife cheats on you, and then claims that she still loves you, but yet still sees that guy she cheated on you with on a regular basis, does she actually still love you or are you being played a "fool". She said that she felt bored and she needed a bit of excitement, but that she still loved me very much. What do you think? Am I doing the right thing for filing for divorce? Or am I jumping the gun and I should put up with her sleeping around whenever she gets "bored"?
2007-03-27 20:29:11 · 38 answers · asked by honesty_counts 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I would get rid of her as it is obvious she doesn't love you if she treats you this way.
2007-03-27 20:31:35 · answer #1 · answered by ChocLover 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
There are several unknowns in your case. First of all, did you find out about this yourself, or did she she tell you first? How do you feel about this? - put away the general "how I must feel?", the important thing is your genuine feelings...
My assumption is that you found out about it yourself, and you want to believe she's telling the truth, but don't really know how you must feel at all. Do you actually love her, or is your relationship based on "convenience"?
Do not care about what is "right" and what is "wrong". Close your eyes for a moment and try to understand your true feelings for a moment. Even if you are absolutely sure that she still loves you and everything she is telling is the absolute truth, but you're not comfortable with it, it is probably best if you divorce her. On the other hand, if you don't mind her sleeping around every once in a while, especially if it spices up your love life, you shouldn't even care if she's lying or not.
However, according to my humble opinion, the best way is to be truthful. You (and your partner/wife) should always give the other person enough information so they can choose their reactions properly. To do otherwise is cheating, nothing else.
2007-03-27 20:44:49 · answer #2 · answered by Grelann 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My opinion is that filing for divorce is the right thing to do. She may love you in her own way or in some way, but if she loved you the way people are supposed to love their spouses she wouldn't have been bored.
She may not be playing you for a fool. She may be trying to stay with the person she does love in her own way while still having that "excitement" and romance she wants too. If she can't or won't stop seeing the guy, though, then she's expecting you to live with a situation that just isn't reasonable to expect of you.
2007-03-27 20:37:52 · answer #3 · answered by WhiteLilac1 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure she still loves you. But her answer "I am bored" rather than "OMG What was I thinking!" followed by dropping the "excitement" guy and running to a counsellor means that she's still in the phase of only thinking of herself and painting her world in unrealistic colors. She's in a completely selfish place right now, love or no love and when she gets out of it, she may be horrified with what's she done and how she's acted.
The real question is, can you possibly live the rest of your life with this hanging over your head? Do you love HER enough to go through all it takes to make the marriage better and come out the other side of infidelity? Seriously, don't base your decision to stay or go upon whether you think she loves you - marriage is about more than just love, it's about respect and growth as a couple. She can love you but not respect you. She can love you but refuse to grow and be mature with you. She can love you and still only think of herself. Is that the kind of love you can live with for the next couple of years to get to the point of having a serious commited relationship? Lots of couples have done it but you BOTH have to be determined to make it through. If either one of you isn't determined, it won't happen.
You need to find out if she really wants her marriage. If she does, and you do too, then you're going to have to WORK on it - her first, but you too. Because that's what marriage is; working together.
Good luck.
2007-03-27 21:26:01 · answer #4 · answered by Cassandra G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes she still loves you but not enough. You have the right to divorce right now because for sure if you allow this to grow... it will outgrow your marriage. Love and commitment are 2 different things. In marriage commitment is very important. If she had a one night stand and didn't meet that man again it was still forgivable but if she is meeting on regular basis it has to be a lot of love also... so I dont see any sense in going on.
2007-03-27 20:42:14 · answer #5 · answered by TheFinalMiracle 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are two explanations for this kind of situation.
I believe your wife means she still love you but she can't find sexual satisfaction from you. That's why she has this guy do the "satisfaction" for you.
OR she is suffering from nymphomania, or the excessive sexual desire by a female. Tell her you are going to sleep with other women too and see how she reacts.
The "she still loves you" part is somehow hard to believe, but I really think she does. Otherwise she wouldn't tell you that she's cheating on you.
2007-03-27 22:16:18 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
When it comes to relationships perhaps the time you spend outside the bed is more important than the time you spend in it and I have found that once the fidelity is gone not a lot is left. If you carry on with this woman you are only going to be asking yourself why not me all the time especially if you get stuck someone else's child. So who cares if she says she loves you because you are not convinced or you would not be asking this question.
2007-03-27 22:05:39 · answer #7 · answered by Biz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is possible, but then again,
if a man beats his wife, it is possible that he still loves her... or if a child kills his pet, he might still have been said to have loved it...
but these are not the actions of someone who *knows* or is *capable* of loving someone else.
divorce is the only option in this case.
not only is cheating an instant deal-breaker, for the cheater to suggest that it doesn't mean anything is blatant denial of fact.
It *always* means something, and it may have much less to do with you than to do with her --- which means that if she's unwilling to deal with it honestly and in a healthy manner, there's nothing you can do but extricate yourself from the situation which is bound to worsen over time.
you know what the right thing to do is, from your post. what she has done and continues to do (emotionally, verbally, physically, whatever!) is completely unacceptable in any marriage.
2007-03-27 20:59:36 · answer #8 · answered by Steve C 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My god.. u are not a object to be said i still love u and doing all sort of disgusting things around..
She is tellin u tat she loves u so that u will still stick with u.. She treating u like a toy and the other guy as a SEx toy!! u shoukd never be into this..
No men or women deserve this...
Out of her life and lead a peaceful life pls..
2007-03-27 20:34:51 · answer #9 · answered by sUnseT 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your wife cant love you , because she must love herself first before she can love anyone else.You must let this person go, so she can find her self. In order for a life of marriage to work and last,You must have two whole people that know who they are & what they want from the unionship of marriage.By what you have told us about your wife, she has a long way to go! Good Luck & God Bless
2007-03-27 21:44:48 · answer #10 · answered by snafudotcom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Do we need to reply. If she loved you, she would have never thaught of cheating you. Not only she had been cheating you, but on the top of it trying to justify it, you are doing the right thing by filing divorce. Go ahead & kick her out of your home.
2007-03-27 20:35:42 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋