What do you do when you till your husband after 20yr you have breast cancer, and he you he wants a divorce?

Question

He has not talk to me since,we were married 20 yrs. I just like to know what do you do at 59.

Answer 1

sorry to hear that, been there and you need all the emotional support you can get. let him go, if he is that shallow you are better off without him. e mail if you need to talk, been cancer free now 7 years.

Answer 2

That's the craziest thing I've ever heard of. You've been married 20 years happily and then this over breast cancer? Either he's a complete monster or there's much more to this story (bad history, the two of you haven't given love to each other the way you should, etc) than just the cancer announcement.

I'm blown away by this circumstance. Even if I were in a bad marriage with someone who didn't treat me well and I was planning on leaving, if she announced she had some terrible life-threatening illness and needed some help - emotional or otherwise - I'd be there for her.

I can't even conceive of what sort of person this man is, and I'm truly sorry this happened to you.

As for not talking to you since the announcement, how is that possible? Did he move out or is he just ignoring you? Totally weird.

I honestly don't know what to tell you. If the guy's a monster or a sociopath, you're better off without him in your life.

Best of luck to you with the breast cancer. Treatment has come a long way and if they caught it early enough you have a good chance of coming through this (though it won't be easy)

Answer 3

At 59, you don't know? I'm not believing this is real. You should know what to do & if he's anywhere close to your age, he should know better too. But men are immature forever sometimes, I suppose.

Buy him a blow up doll & put it in the passenger seat of his car or truck & then toilet-paper it, throw eggs on it & then just look wide-eyed innocent,

Just change the locks & dump all his stuff on the front lawn or somewhere like that. If he doesn't move it elsewhere, have a yard sale.

Just kidding, I wouldn't suggest any of this (yeah right) You be grownup. Act like one. Get a good divorce lawyer. Lose the loser & move on. Make sure he has to pay all of your healthcare bills if you can. Join a support group if you need to have some people on your side, although I can't imagine you don't already have people like that if this is really true. Breast cancer doesn't have to be the end of the world or life.

I also agree with Honesty Counts. Cats are so much better than men sometimes.

Answer 4

Sorry to hear your not well at the moment but you can often beat that these days. Your husband is a different matter you can not make him stay with you no matter how many thumbs down you give to good advice I know you probably are scared We all are no matter what your age is.The thing you have to concentrate on is your health and now its going to be hard thinking just positive thoughts when some one so close to you just throws you another curb ball Yet another major life changing problem you need strength for both matters don't snub your nose at caring friends advice maybe look at it sitting there feeling sorry for yourself will only make it worse Don't bury your head in the sand either get out there and get involved in your life no matter what others around you do Good luck Don't let him take away your will to live either. Sounds like you have wassted enough years on him already so now its YOU time.

Answer 5

I am very sorry for both your very hard situations.

Depending on what state you are in you might be able to get spousal support and 50% of all the two of you owned together.

If he wants a divorce then find you a reputable attorney and file before he does. That makes him the defendent and he has to have a legitimate reason for leaving you after 20 years. It wont stop the divorce but it will help you in court.

Most of the time things like this are settled out of court.

Before you file make sure you have copies of all legal documents, pictures of the house and cars, furniture and anything else of value.

Then put him out in the street where he belongs.

I have just been through all of this except the cancer.

Good Luck to you and I wish you well.

Answer 6

There can be many reasons behind this.

1. he might financially very weak to take care of your health issues and not be strong enough to face himself about it

2. he doesn't and didn't love you but married you only for bed matters.

Whatever the reasons. If he does want to give you a divorce leave him with a good alumni and also see that the court makes him pay your medical expenses incase you are not yourself financially strong. Its not worth to live with a guy who leaves you for any kind of reason in a situation like this.

Answer 7

You pick yourself up, find a way to support yourself, and start over with someone you're more in synch with.

What else is there to do?

I mean, breast cancer and a single or double mastectomy or the stress of an intimate partner having cancer was something he couldn't handle, a deal-breaker so to speak.

He wants out.

You can't realistically compel him to stay in a relationship against his wishes, so you're left with getting yourself in a stable position on your own and, if you care to, start a relationship with someone else.

Don't waste time, energy, or effort on him. It's better spent elsewhere...

Answer 8

Who gives a crap about the husband. Just cure your cancer and get a cat. The cat will love you no matter what. I hope you live a long and happy life. And take very nice care of the cat. People are strange. They're with you one day, gone the next. The cat needs food and will love you forever for it.

Answer 9

You mean to tell me after telling him you have cancer he's turning his back on you. Is this the first time he spoke of divorce? If not, maybe he thinks you're saying it to hold on to him.

Either way, let him go. He's not worthy of you. 59 is young get on with your life girlfriend. Cancer is not always a death sentence.

Answer 10

I am sorry for you, but you know today they save the lives of many people who have cancer, its not like it used to be. The main thing is although I know he broke your heart; to be at peace with your self, try to think happy thoughts. Your husband isn't life he is only one person--think about Jesus. He died for you, go to Him and have a relationship with Him. He will never desert you. I knew a young woman who had Hogkinson's desease, I think is a form of cancer. Her fiancee dumped her--so she had to go undergo her treatments with a heavy heart-but she survived--and that was about 20 years ago. She married someone else and had kids.
Mabey your husband panicked, mabey he is in shock, I know when men can't fix a thing, they retreat. They don't deal well with feelings, women need to talk -but men are 'action'--either how do they fix it--or don't deal with it at all.
I think this is a turning point in your life, where you put all your faith in God. You can get through this --thousands of people do, none of us knows what the future holds, but we know Who holds the future. God still wants you to forgive, now the focus is on you. Rise above it, if you turn to Christ, He will reveal better things for you. Perhaps in time to come you are well and healthy; imagine how your husband will feel about himself? I pity him if he doesn't repent of his sin. God Bless You.

Answer 11

A lot of men pull this ****......from weakness and fear I guess.

My mother`s partner left her when she was sick with MS. He married the woman in charge of her care with the MS society (to add insult to injury), and lived with her in the home that my mother had lived in. This woman took him for everything he had (a lot of which should have belonged to my mother. He eventually came crawling back, and lived near my mother (she was very sick by then) and tried to make up for the horrible thing he had done.
This sounds like something out of Jerry Springer.....but I assure you its all true...he is an educated, prefessional man with standing in the community......but he just went crazy and stupid.

He may or may not realise his mistake and come crawling back.....but you have to surround yourself with emotional and legal support to protect yourself. Finding a cancer support group, and consulting a lawyer need to be your immediate first steps.
I got scared out of consulting a lawyer to help my mum, and I bitterly regretted it for years. Her partner financially screwed her over on top of everything.
Making sure you get everything you should may not seem that important now, but it may help you feel stronger about everything.