Should be interesting on how some of you interpret these writings.
Untitled
As we creep into darkness, we’re unable to run
For all light has faded along with the sun
Deeper we crawl, until we can no longer take
The heart’s incessant spasms and ache
Our senses are rendered useless, we are on our own
And we tremble at the thought of being alone
Our bodies are frozen, instilled with recurring fear
We try to cry out, but we can’t shed a tear
Our lungs become polluted, we are no longer breathing
But we feel no pain having lost all feeling
Reffering to denial, pointing the blame
And so our vision is denied by shadows and shame
Our eyes are blindfolded, we aren’t able to see
What exactly we have traded for our humanity
~ S-A-N
2007-03-27 18:57:10 · 7 answers · asked by Philosophical One 2 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
The meter is off in spots - which can be easily corrected by taking out a few words here and there and using contractions.
Example - Line 3 - one beat too long ...
Deeper we crawl,until we no longer can take
reads better as
Deeper we crawl, 'till we no longer can take.
See how taking that one syllable out helps that sentence?
Read this aloud and you will easily see where the meter is off. Again, the content is very good, but the technique needs a bit of adjustment. Keep writing. Pax - C.
2007-03-27 21:03:56 · answer #1 · answered by Persiphone_Hellecat 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Although the suspicion lingers that the poem is about sheep, an even stronger suspicion lingers that the poem is about addiction; whatever, no matter, it's a grand poem - well done.
2007-03-29 11:27:35 · answer #2 · answered by arrighan7 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it has to do with a woman who has lost her love
2007-03-29 00:53:57 · answer #3 · answered by duffeybooks 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's about sex, isn't it?
Sex. Definitely.
2007-03-28 02:05:58 · answer #4 · answered by Testaco 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You know you seem pretty talented!!! That's really good!...i bet your english teacher loves grading your homework!...way to go...and thanks for answering my questions as well!...yeah i noticed... ;-)...thanks
2007-03-28 05:27:28 · answer #5 · answered by 1.2..3...Boo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very good ----------i think it's about a broken heart (can you post the answer please
2007-03-28 12:54:19 · answer #6 · answered by lady luck 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
good. i love it. :)
2007-03-28 02:20:21 · answer #7 · answered by Aaron A 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋