Give me your opinion on my intimacy issue?

Question

I've been married to my husband for 7 years and we have 2 kids. We are in an interracial marriage. I have 2 kids from my previous marriage. Unknown to me, my husband was abusing drugs before our marriage. Due to his drug abuse he cannot perfom sexually for the last 4 years. Upto to know I have been a very a faithful wife, but I have my desires and needs as well, which go unfulfilled. We have sat down and discussed this issue, but he ignores it. He doesn't seem to care about my sexual/emotional needs. I am very spritual person who believes in the vows of marriage. Due to health conditions he is unable and refuses to take any enhancement rememdy. So I am left with only 2 options. 1. Either I have an affair 2. Depress my desires and live like this. Could you please advise me on what I should do about this situation and divorce is not an option.

Answer 1

First of all, cheating is not the answer. Alot of men are resisten to get help for this problem. So much of their manhood rides on their sexual performance. Does he know what a big deal this is for you? Does he know you're thinking about cheating? Be as honest as you can with him and let him know that a sexless marriage is not a marriage in your eyes. As man and wife, the Bilbe says you belong to him and him to you and that the only time you should refrain from sex is when you BOTH agree to do so. I Corinthians 7:4

Answer 2

Hi your husband needs to deal with this and stop being selfish and stop just thinking of himself your marriage is a 2 way street and he should respect your desires if he cant perform sexually there are other ways but he should at least make an effort and try everything possible dosnt he miss the sex and closeness as well surely he must remember what it was like and want to have it al back , ask him to go to the doctor for help you can get injection to help the man injects himself in the penus and he enjoys sex like he used to , i would sit him down tell him how you feel and if he isnt going to do something about it that there will have to be some changes try the scare tactics , maybe divorce is the answer sometimes it takes someone to get a real hard kick in the pants and to hit rock bottom to wake up and make an effort your husband is being stubborn and unfair you didnt deserve this because of his drug addiction but he has now made you the victim , good luck

Answer 3

My opinion is The marriage before, your interracial marriage and the fact you 2 children from a previous marriage mean not a thing to do with this problem you are having right now!
But anyhow your husbands is not helping you by any sense of the word and it is his fault you two aren't sexually involved, so you had better tell him to step to the plate.
How solve your problem by:
A.) Helping the problem-
B.) Seek a doctors help to finding a solution (Even sex therapist)
C.) Other ways called foreplay, giving one pleasure, sex toys
D.) Love and support
And by all means if then is being ignored, then you should really take an path to follow to find your meaning in your marriage and sex life.

There are a many people whom can't get it up and they still please their mate. ANYWAY THEY BOTH FEEL COMFORTABLE AT!
Your decision and little bit of love, caring, understanding from Mr. Right might help.
After all you are not in this marriage alone or are you?
If divorce isn't an option then why before?

Answer 4

The marriage bed is part of the 'contract' .
Have this conversation with a counselor so it does not degenerate into attacks but rather
A discussion of the problem and possible solutions .
Make very clear your need for the marriage bed and then think seriously ,
What is most important if he continues to refuse to deal with the issue . . . ?
You want this relationship or freedom to start a new one ?
Although with 4 kids , you may have challenges finding a new mate ( or maybe not )

Answer 5

The way I see it, you have two more options besides the two you listed. You can either learn to pleasure yourself in other ways, maybe with sex toys and other things. Or you can have you husband pleasure you in other ways, possibly including using sex toys. Although these probably wouldn't be as fulfilling as what you are desiring, they are two more options. With the second option, he would at least be involved.
I think you should approach these options with an open mind and at least consider them. IMO, they would at least be better than suppressing your desires and never getting any satisfaction at all. If this doesn't work, I honestly couldn't blame you for running into another man's arms. Your husband should love you enough to do whatever he can to help in this situation, out of consideration for your needs. If he doesn't, he shouldn't be shocked if you end up seeing someone else.

Answer 6

He's obviously a loser. Why waste your time with him? This, "has intimacy issues" crap is just that, crap. This person chooses to act a certain way, particularly with you that is unpleasant. It also sounds like he is a substance abuser. Let me look into my crystal ball to see the future of your relationship. I see you married with 3 kids. You have to work because all he does is sit around all day smoking pot. Lately, he's started smoking crystal meth and beats you. You haven't had sex in 2 years. Not to worry though as he is in the process of abandoning you for this crack whore he met the last time he visited his dealer. Don't believe me? Of course you don't. Neither did the last 100 or so women I've met who are just like you. Didn't change the direction their lives took.

Answer 7

You do have a third option. Mechanical devices. That may sound embarrassing or unthinkable...but it's a valid method for reaching sexual climax...and if it is something that helps your marriage, it can't be all bad. Other than that, talk some more. Consider therapy. You have legitimate needs. Your desires have as much validity as his. So when he ignores you, he is ignoring a vital part of your marriage. Talk some more to him and seriously consider therapy. He needs help and you both could use counseling. Try it.

Answer 8

OK, then you seem to know more about your answer than you're letting us know. Divorce is not an option....then what would you do if this is what's suggested. Anyway, get some toys and take care of your needs in your private room when everyone sleep or gone. If he's willing, he may even be in the mood to play with you which may give him the desire to do more for your enjoyment. Take him with you to buy the toys, he may really get into it.

Answer 9

What a good wife you are! Seriously... you have hung in there, putting your needs last. Bless you! But backburner, NO MORE. You do have needs.

Get a vibrator! Yes, you heard me. There is nothing wrong with that! Take care of yourself, for yourself. You are still being faithful to him and honoring your vows.

It's normal, healthy and you need to do it for yourself. This will eliminate resentment in your relationship, bitterness toward him and will also make you feel happy and fulfilled.

It'll enhance your own relationship and you no longer have to feel like you are neglected.

Get one here:
http://www.womenmovingon.com/ (click on the word BODY and then on B.O.B. - battery operated boyfriend)....

For every vibrator sold, a percentage of the proceeds help women who are victims of domestic violence - and the money goes to shelters! So just think of it as doing something to help yourself (and your needs) and helping some other women who really need help.

You can get one elsewhere, but the cool charity thing attached to this, is a good thing and may prompt you to get one sooner, instead of putting it off, because you know you are helping others and yourself.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Well, you can always go to a adult store, or pure romance and buy some sex toys, and pleasure your self.. And since he will not use a enhancement remedy, try cockrings....they seem to help with erections. Since you are spirtual and follow marriage vows, I would not go and cheat because that would eat at you for the rest of your life... and staying depressed and doing nothing about it, will only make matters worse. Tell your husband that you feel disrespected by the fact that he is ignoring your sexual and emotional needs and wants...