"Sympathy"
I live inside a shell
Protecting ymself
From being hurt
But I made a mistake and let you in
I want to be the one
I want to be with you
I want it to be just us two
I'm jealous of her
Before she came
I didn't think
I'd want you more then a friend
And now I know how you feel isn't the same
I thought I was special
But I guess I'm not
I thought you knew it too
At least I thought
But now that my heart is shattered
Theres nothing you can do or say
To fix whats been done
I wish it didn't hve to be this way
It was us, it was her
I need to cry
Because of you
I want to die...
But I don't need your sympathy
2007-03-27 18:31:14 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
Wow B.T. that sounds so much bettr (but now i feel worse!) but thanks can i use it?
2007-03-27 18:53:20 · update #1
Beautiful poem... Sounds like you're hurting
2007-03-27 18:36:03 · answer #1 · answered by *!Bel!* 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing in this collection of verses that speaks to me as a poem should. Turn this into a paragraph, put a Dear Sweetheart at the beginning, sign it at the end, and give it to the one you obviously are pining for.
Would you rather live the poem of ecstasy or write a poem of pain?
2007-03-31 04:01:37 · answer #2 · answered by Nathan D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For you nice poem please consider my comments:
1st stanza line 4 change to:
"But I made a mistake letting you in"
2nd stanza line 1 & 2:
" I want to be with you
I want to be the one"
3rd stanza interchange line 1 & line 2
4th stanza line 2 & 4:
"Though I guess I'm not"
"Ah, at least I thought"
5th stanza line 1 & 4:
"But now my heart is shattered"
"I wish it didn't have to end this way"
6th stanza line 1 to 4:
"It was her, it was her"
"I like to cry & cry "
" 'cause of you, I want to die"
"I don't need... sympathy"
2007-03-28 02:07:02 · answer #3 · answered by PJA 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe the last few lines should be instead:
"I should've never let you in
But I made a big mistake
You chose her over me
I guess one day you'll see
I don't need your sympathy
I'm probably better without you
With time I will be stronger
And you will be just a memory."
You should end it being strong not being helpless.
2007-03-28 01:52:14 · answer #4 · answered by B T 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I love it and wouldn't change a thing.It reminds me of me at one point in my life.But you have to remember you are a special person things will get better.Time heals all wounds.
2007-03-29 11:21:51 · answer #5 · answered by Heather T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a very moving and beautiful personal poem by u.. if its due to personal experience, i'm sorry to hear that.. but if its frm inspiration, its very well done.. keep on writing!!
2007-03-28 01:40:32 · answer #6 · answered by fizadora 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like it a lot. But don't just change it to the suggestions of others if that's not you.
2007-03-28 09:50:42 · answer #7 · answered by gnomeworshipper13 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey i like your peom aloot ..keep it up
2007-03-28 10:59:06 · answer #8 · answered by unlove goth angel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice
2007-03-28 01:34:54 · answer #9 · answered by Brad L 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋