I'm sorry to keep bring this up but i just don't understand how my husband could just up and leave his wife and newborn baby for a high school girl. and to boot his father is standing by him in his actions. (he also abandoned his family)
my soon to be X never calls never drives by never shows one once of care tourd his daughter or me. even though while we were married he swore he would be a GREAT father! i just can't grasp how heartless he is. we were together 3 years and i have never seen him like this! He has become SO selfish! I am so angry and feel so betrayed I even lost 3 friends due to his actions. does anyone have any advice for me on how to get over what he has done!
2007-03-27 18:28:23 · 18 answers · asked by I♥Karma 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I went back and looked at some of your prior questions on this to get a better idea of the situation...
My heart goes out to you and your baby and the awful time that you're going through right now. I feel especially bad for your child as it sounds like she'll grow up estranged from her father and that his hugely damaging to children of both sexes but especially girls.
From your description this all came of the clear blue with no warning. That simply can't be the case. He sounds like an utter bastard, but you were married to him for three years and presumably knew him pretty well even before you married him. I bet if you look back objectively (which you probably won't be able to do anytime soon) you'll see there were all kinds of warning flags along the way.
I have no idea if you contributed to the breakup (my guess is that there were probably some mistakes you made along the way that contributed but that he probably is just a rotten bastard - only the worst of worst scumbags would not visit their own child, no matter how bad the relationship is with the ex wife) but there are probably things you'll learn from this whole horrible time in the future.
Some people are just bad people. I can't get over him ignoring his own child.
I also feel sorry for the high school girl, and I don't know why her parents are letting this go on. If I were her dad I'd be waiting to greet him for their next date with a shotgun, and I'd also call the cops (don't know if 17 is legally underage in your state or not). Even knowing that I'm only hearing your side of the story, the guy sounds like a predator.
You're going to experience a lot of devastating emotional pain from this terrible betrayal, there's no getting around that. In time it will pass and you'll hopefully move on.
I don't understand the bit about losing 3 friends over this. There must be more to the story there.
Do you have family? If so, their support can be crucial in helping you to get through this.
Try not to let this turn you into a bitter and vengeful person. If he is as bad as you say, he will reap what he sows eventually. Remember that your baby is the most important person affected by this situation - far more so than your own feelings. Never try to use the child as a way of lashing out/hurting him (not saying you ever would intentionally but sometimes in the heat of an argument).
I truly wish the best for you, but there is no easy answer for this awful situation.
2007-03-27 19:14:51 · answer #1 · answered by Jon S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh Honey...{{{HUGS}}} I was in your shoes last summer...only I was married 19 yrs and have 4 kids. I too had the same thoughts you are having right now. The best advice I can give you is what worked for me...and that is to keep busy. Concentrate on your baby and yourself. Start a new hobby or pick up an old one. When ever my anger got too strong I would go out in my yard and do some yard work. I even started repainting the inside of my house.. Keep yourself busy and the days will pass. You will find yourself hurting less and finding more peace and happiness. Best of luck to you.
2007-03-28 02:37:55 · answer #2 · answered by mysweetluvie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
u are expecting him to be sorry, as long as u have any expectations about this man u will keep hurting. of course u can't understand this, because u would never have done this to him, but everyone is different, all have different codes of morals. he may be avoiding u because the other woman may have alot of influence over him, and is controlling this. he is selfish because he probably always was, u just didn't see it. people sometimes hide who they really are, or maybe he never was the man u thought he was, right now this other woman has him completely bewitched, meaning he isn't thinking of any one else. and family will stand up for them, even if they are wrong, because blood is thicker than water. u are having a hard time accepting this, and seeing this man for who he is. when u accept it and no longer look for anything from him, u will begin to feel better. but as long as u expect him to do right, and be fair, u will hurt.
2007-03-28 08:21:21 · answer #3 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
(((HUGS)))
It is hard, but try to see the one plus in it, it happened now and not 10 years later, when your daughter would be much more aware of the situation - that would make it much harder for you and her, and it's easier for her to accept a new man in your life as long as she's a little girl, and though you might not be able to think about that now, you will want a new partner at some point, I mean, you're young and you won't spend your whole life alone.
As for your ex - try to get sole custody now, the novelty with his new love will faint out at some point, and than, he'll probably feel remorse regarding your daughter and try to keep joint-custody, but if you go for sole custody now, your chances are much better to get it than later on. Also file for child-support, there's no guarantee, that he'll pay (I'd guess, rather that he won't pay), but you need to file for it to begin with. Get a lawyer specialized on family law, you need to know your rights. You also will need sole custody, so he doesn't have a word in every decision you might want to make for your daughter later on (think school, religion, moving to another state with her etc).
And be nice to yourself. Don't hold back the tears, uncried tears hurt a lot more than the ones you cry out. Get a new hairdo, the one he never wanted you to have, remodel the house. After some time, it will just start to hurt less every day and you'll be able to move on with your life.
Good Luck!!!
2007-03-28 05:20:11 · answer #4 · answered by Chevrolet*Blazer*Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am going through the same thing myself. My wife kicked me out of my house on a no contact order for 35 days, after setting me up on a Domestic Violence charge the her and her mother planned out. I have 4 year old twins, that she has stripped almost all of my visitation rights from for no reason. I too have seen a side of her that i did not know existed. All that I can say is he'll be sorry that he didnt spend the time with his kids because they grow so fast. And if he isnt sorry, he wasnt worth the wasted time. Because as a Dad I can tell you that I live for my kids. His dad sounds just as ignorant as him. Dont worry because this world is on a wheel, and believe me his crap will come back around to haunt him.
2007-03-28 02:08:06 · answer #5 · answered by tom c 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this girl even 18? If not you better call the cops! I am sorry... some people just aren't who we think they are. Run and never look back. It will be hard but he is not worth all of the heartache and trouble. I feel sorry for your baby and the little girl he is about to corrpupt as well.
2007-03-28 01:32:41 · answer #6 · answered by Me 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes just think of it as a hard lesson (not trying to be cruel) but some people arent what they lead you to believe you fell for it and its a hard life lesson. I feel sorry for you and your baby, but forget about him get an attorney and make him help you support your child. He may be heartless but he is financially responsible if its his baby also. You were betrayed but its time to move on. Give him a little dose of it back.
2007-03-28 01:37:06 · answer #7 · answered by firetdriver_99 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's hard to deal with for the first part of separation, and then divorce. It will be times when you won't be willing to except whats going on and can't control it either. You will need to have a life for you and your child, because he's going to go on until he realize what he's lost. Then he'll try to get you back once he see you are happy without him. Do what you can to resolve any issues to get him back if you want him, but its not worth it.
2007-03-28 02:14:35 · answer #8 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Join the crowd. I was married for 12 years and he just wants me to walk away with nothing while he makes 10 grand a month. I even helped him start his law practice which is community property in my state. It is mind-boggling. I'm sorry you are going through that.
2007-03-28 01:32:55 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him one last time..know why all this happened.And then try to move on.From what i guessed..he lost his attraction for u when u were pregnant.U need to be strong for yourself and for the baby.U have to realise hun...that u only live once and u have to make the best out of it.why care about a person who doesnt care about u and yr innocent baby?Get engaged in things u always wanted to do..new things..get a job..secure your baby's life.Life isnt over yet.u have to hold your head high and walk.good luck sweets
2007-03-28 01:34:33 · answer #10 · answered by Beautiful 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋