Please tell me if this is a good response to this prompt?

Question

As a student wanting to be a leader on this campus, why is being a leader important to you?


As a student wanting to be a leader on this campus it is important to me because, I feel that in the future it will give me a good chance at accomplishing goals and being involved with the write crowd. I want to be willing to take that chance and to be able to reach out to the student body and to represent them. I have the urge to help them and lead them into doing the write things instead of being pressured by other students in to doing the wrong things such as drugs etc. Leading them onto the write path would make me feel more secure knowing that they are enjoying themselves, meeting more people, and being able to attend a safe campus. It is also important for me, to be able to know that they have someone in there life that they can look up to. If I were to be accepted as a student leader I know that more responsibilities will come my way and that I will have to take charge of my life. I als

Answer 1

You want to hang with the "RIGHT" crowd, do the "RIGHT" thing. Not "write" crowd, unless it is a writing crowd.
Other than the spelling, it is not bad.
Also, you want to show how you being a campus leader is important for what YOU can do for THEM. Less about what it means for you to be a campus leader.

Answer 2

involved with the "right" crowd. You misspell the word throughout. Change all the write's to right.

Being a leader on this campus is important to me because I feel that in the future it will give me a good chance of accomplishing goals and being involved with the right crowd. I want to be willing to take that chance and to be able ot reach out to the student body and to represent them. I have the desire to help and lead them into doing the right things instead of being pressured by other students into doing the wrong things such as drugs. Leading them onto the right path would make me feel secure in knowing that they are enjoying campus life, meeting more people, and being able to attend a safe campus. It is also important for me to know they have someone in their lives that they can look up to as a role model. If I were to be accepted as a student leader, I know that more responsibilities will come my way and that I will have to take charge of my life.

Answer 3

I think this is a well thought out response to that prompt.
However, if I may make a few suggestions...
I might leave out the phrase "I have the urge" and maybe say "I feel commited to". Also, use "I" less because its sounds better when your focus is being on a good leader not about how important its for you "to know others have someone to look up to". It comes across as a bit high and mighty which I can tell is not your intention at all.
Also, I believe a good leader leads by example, and doesn't make the focus on how it makes them (you) feel, ie. "it would make me feel more secure knowing they are enjoying themselves". Once again a little high & mighty sounding.
Lastly, (you probably already noticed but "write crowd" should be "right crowd") Good luck with your endeavor, I can tell your heart is in the right place!

Answer 4

After reading the other responses, I will not comment on the spelling error.

I do think it is a good answer to the prompt. My suggestion would be for focus on how helping others, being a role model, being supportive and things of those nature will add to what you are trying to convey in your response.

I would also leave out the part about becomming more mature, for you want others to feel comfortable with you as a role model, so the maturity factor would natrually be there (even though what you say is the truth, you will become for mature and responsible if elected).

Its also shows maturity and responsibility that you are asking for feedback on your response from others... that is a good sign of a leader, so I wish you luck and hope you win!

Answer 5

Focus on representing others, hearing their needs and advocating on their behalf. Your talk focuses on your needs, your goals, imposing your beliefs. No one would vote for a president that just spoke about what they wanted to do to others. Far more popular is the electee who speaks about representing the needs and desires of the population.

Sounds like you want to do this for your kudos, i.e. to be looked up to. The idea of being a role model is okay but a little bit of modesty to complement the great confidence. Maybe ask your friends about what they would like from a student leader.

I like your line about reaching out to the student body, but rather than talking about leading, focus on your ability to communicate, to hear what others are saying and to understand their needs.

Also, they will want someone who actually is responsible not someone who will become responsible because of the role. Imagine if it was a job interview, would you say "I'm not responsible, but I will be if I get the job". No, you'd talk about how you were a responsible person and that this would transfer to the job.

Just some ideas, good luck!!!

Answer 6

First of all, you're looking for the word "right."

Secondly, "right" is a judgment. What you "think" is right, may not be. A leader is the sort of person that has to have his or her opinions on the side and must think about the others ideas, knowledge-base, and energy. Assisting people to use their skills and aptitudes as best as possible, I think is the quality you are looking for... none of that moral stuff.

Finally, being a student leader shouldn't be your stepping stone to glory. It is using your abilities to lead others for the greater good. Hey, being that leader will help out one day, but it's not helping now, so don't expect it to... yet.

Good luck.

Answer 7

It's pretty good, but you need to proofread it some more. There are some spelling errors and try to use more sophisticated diction (word usage).