My friend brings up negative news when she meets my friends?

Question

This is the 2nd time my friend brought up mental illness in her immediate family and suicides in her family within minutes of meeting my friend. Once was at a bar, I was stunned but thought she brought it up cos my friend was a social worker. The second time was recently, we went out to a fancy restaurant and I introduced my other friend to 'crazy' girl. After 10 min she told her the same line. Then the crazy friend turned to me to say that 'she' doesn't think she herself is crazy like her family. I didn't respond and changed the subject. I never knew this about her family and am stunned that she would put a damper on a fun night out w/this unneccessary info. Plus she dresses head to toe in pink and she's starting to lookk like a blimp, She just eats like a pig. I am thinking of dropping this nutter friend. Does anyone agree that the topic of mental illness is inappropriate when you first meet someone? Why does she do this and dumps this crap onto new people?

I am usually a helpful person but this girl is so selfish sometimes. Yes, I agree she is looking for pity. I mean she has a husband, why doesn't she talk to him??? A few years ago, I had a long-term bf split up w/me and she couldnt' even be bothered to support me. She always seemed busy and rolled her eyes or sighed when I was upset. So I don't see why I should help her. I think she's greedy when it comes to her problems. I also notice that when people has problems she never wants to help them. I am glad people are responding to me, it is helping me come to a closure about this unhealthy friendship.

Answer 1

Sounds like the classic "Debbie Downer".

But before you drop her as a friend, consider this:

She might be in dire need of help herself. Mental illness very often runs in the family. If there is bonified insanity and suicides in her family, her bringing the subject--especailly to a social worker, might have been a cry for help...or at the very least an attempt on her part to try and udnerstand and lethal scenaio in her family tree.

Dressing like a big pink blimp? Try pulling her aside and asking her if she's allright..she obviously isn't. It's not what she's eating as much as it's what's eating her and it's probably her family and maybe even the fact that she's starting to show some traits.

True, no one wants to talk about lunacy and suicide at a nice restaurant over dinner. but I don't think she's completely thinking clearly...her change in dress alone might indicate that.

Try being a friend and help. It sounds as though she really needs your support right now more than she needs your criticism

Answer 2

Ewww this is a problem... She does seem a bit psycho but she's probably depressed. She doesnt have much going on in her life and wants some pity i guess... I would think it's inappropriate on meeting someone for the first time to bring up deep sensitive issues like that. Its not a very smart way to set up a great first impression. I know some online dood, which was gay, that told my gf his fiance died from heart failure for some pity and my gf felt bad for him and i felt bad for him as well. So he would always need comfort and my gf always needs a friend since she does have any in real life. I let them talk and stuff wihtout being too jealous or even controlling about it. They started liking each other and caused hell for me but i managed to fix things and get my gf to think straight especially after she found out what he told her about his fiance was complete crap. So in conclusion, your friend might be doing this so that hopefully she might find someone that might pity her and true to turn her life a lil bit less miserable and possibly date her... I'd say talk to her about it and if she doesnt get it, forget her.
But then there's also the case where she is suicidal and needs help. So I'd suggest you talk to her about that since she brings it up all the time. If she is suicidal, i suggest you do not leave her alone and seek help.

Answer 3

I find it strange she has never mentioned any of this to you I think that you being her friend she would have, but only tells her story to the people you introduce her to, One of two things come to mind, she does this to embarass you because she is jealous, or she is an open book, but if she were an open book you would have known of her family issues the first day you met. You have one of three things you can do, sit down and ask her why she tells your friends about her nutty family when you introduce her to them, or just stop introducing her, or still be friends with little contact.

Answer 4

no she shouldn't do that, but consider...who else does she have to talk to about it? you might be the only person. her family most likely wont care cuz its the same for them. maybe she doesnt have anyone to constantly talk to on a serious level. be a friend to her, tell her that ur there for her but she can't dump crap on other people like that. she needs to know ur her friend or she could possibly go crazy.

there's also the possiblity that she believes what she talks about is a normality in everyone else's lives and doesn't consider it heavy matter.

try to see it from her point of view and be sensitive to her situation when u confront her.

good luck!

Answer 5

Haha, I actually can relate. I have a similar type of friend. Anyways, I made a night to "hang out" with my "crazy" friend and we did a sort of movie/girl talk night. I brought up family and she kind of started talking about hers and how unhappy she was with them and how they were all crazy and how she did not fit in. She, too, would tell people things about her family, and i had begun to think she was seriously nuts. Finally, during our chat, I mentioned that this was pretty heavy stuff, and that if she wanted to talk about it/vent, she was more then welcome to talk to me, or a counselor ( i actually gave her a number of a woman i know who counsels people, and i just lied and told the girl that she has helped me thru really tough situations). I had to basically tell her people she meets do not want to hear about such depressing matters. But it also came out that my friend really was having severe depression issues, and was just blaming her family, hoping people wouldnt think she herself was crazy.
Long story short, maybe your friend is sort of (in her own way) trying to ask for help, or, maybe she just wants attention. if she is a friend, dont drop the friendship--find out why she does it-- she might need it more then you realize. But you may want to sit down and explain this to her. Its up to her to take it, or continue her drama...but let her know the drama is going to cause her to lose friends. Good luck, I know the situation is not a fun one.

Answer 6

well, it kinda seems like she has some sort of depression.
and it''s probably because she wants to talk about her negative news, because she wants someone to listen to her and comfort her.

dont drop her as a friend now, because it seems like she needs someone there for her. and she might turn to suicide

Answer 7

I would talk to her about it. You dont' have to be friends with her but true friends will do all they can to save a friendship. It doesn't really matter how she dresses or eats.

Answer 8

i think you need to drop her....she is really weird if she is talking about stuff like that...i cant really say that i would try to talk to her because she is a little weird and it might get out of hand.

Answer 9

sumtimes it's easier for us to tell person that we don kno so well bout some stuff..
n maybe she is crazy
you should try to help her being a normal human again

Answer 10

Your crazy friend sure does lack social graces! I would slowly pull away from her or she may go really crazy and bother you!