I left my husband a few months ago because he became violent. He is now on meds and counseling and seems to be sincere, kind and loving. Should I give him another chance?
2007-03-27 17:30:18 · 20 answers · asked by lveeyore74 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Great question. It needs to be addressed from two perspectives. First I think it would be wise that if the two of you are considering that, then you ask if his therapist would entertain seeing both of you, so you can get a feel for what the therapist's thoughts are. He may feel that the two of you stay separated for a time while you both come to sessions to continue working towards reconciliation. So, see if you can start going to sessions with him......it will be good for you as well as him.
The second perspective is, what is your take on it all? Do you still love him? Is this guy a good guy except for his anger issues or are their other issues that carry quite a burden in the marriage? I say that if you still love the guy and he has passed certain benchmarks then why not. What are the benchmarks? Glad you asked. Is he sorry for his past behavior and understands the toll it took on the marriage /family. Is he willing to change? It would appear so in that he got in to therapy and agreed to meds. So that's a good sign too. Does he have a plan for continued change...something you may want to discuss with him and his therapist. So there is alot to consider but to me it sounds like there is much to be hopefull for..... and I do wish you well.
2007-03-27 17:54:53 · answer #1 · answered by chcman74 4 · 9⤊ 1⤋
What proof does he have that he has changed. Ask him for proof of the counselor and you talk to the counselor as well about what he did to you and see what they advise or tell you to do in this case. What kind of meds is he on and has he been to anger management classes yet? He needs this as well and if i were you I would make SURE he changed like i would wait at least a year after his so called therapy and help to see if he is consistent with the change or not. He needs to prove himself to you. He may seem sincere and kind and loving now BUT this could be an act or even a lie just to win you back. BE CAREFUL!!!! You also both need to see a marriage counselor together before even ever thinking of living back together again. Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this matter as well.
2007-03-27 17:52:08 · answer #2 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is your life, so you will need to make this serious decision on your knowledge of your husband. You did right to make a stand not to take this type of action from him, and you should make sure that every things been tried before making divorce an option. So, if he's trying and you still want to be with him, then as long as this isn't a ploy to get you back and then he stops, making an effort would be worth it to give your marriage a chance. At least now he knows you will let go, so you need to be careful that he won't do any thing extreme like hurt you if you had to let go again. Think about it for your sake, and try to do what would make you happy.
2007-03-27 17:44:08 · answer #3 · answered by msthinkpositive 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
How long has he been on the meds and how long has he been going to counseling? I think I would wait a while. My ex was the same way and he is still the same way, except now it is not towards me it is towards his girlfriend of 11 yrs. him and I are friends now. and he is on meds too. I think I would wait a little longer and see if the meds and the counseling are really helping. Keep your guard up. You do not need to become a statistic in this world that is already full of them.
2007-03-27 17:37:33 · answer #4 · answered by myninny54 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This is a tricky situation. He may be doing better, but can he hold it together for a long period of time. It is hard to break away from an abusive spouse and even more difficult when they appear to be doing better. Sometimes people hold it together long enough to patch up the marriage, then the abuse starts over again. I would probably stay separated, divorce and if he stays aggression free over the next year and still shows interest in repairing the marriage, then maybe. Be very careful, especially if there are children involved.
2007-03-27 17:36:16 · answer #5 · answered by Shanna h 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Was the violence an event or pattern? If it was an event that was caused by a medical condition then you can consider going back to him. If it was a pattern then you cannot risk it.
Check out some of the many websites about domestic abuse. You will find many profiles of abusive men and the signs that you might be with one. You may be able to shed some light on the situation.
2007-03-27 17:47:36 · answer #6 · answered by franny 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
go talk to his counselor and see if it is a real change and what the meds are for is he bipolar, psychotic, schizoprhrenia or just depression and see if you can deal with whatever problems he is dealing with. If he has some sort of medical problem that is corrected by meds and that is what is causing the violence it is better than just being an a** that can't control his temper.
2007-03-27 17:53:22 · answer #7 · answered by bubbles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That is a hard question to answer. I was married to a violent man for many years and many times he would get help, take meds, but always ended up being violent again. I think once violent, they tend to always be violent. It is your call, but please be cautious. If I had stayed with my ex, I would not be here today answering this question.
2007-03-27 18:17:22 · answer #8 · answered by Dyan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he is in counseling and he is on meds then he has a psych
diagnosis and people do have relapses and need med adjustments etc etc you better really think about what you are doing and what your setting yourself up for what triggers his psychotic episodes?
2007-03-27 18:35:13 · answer #9 · answered by ansearcher@sbcglobal.net 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know how long you've been married,but is a few months going to change him that quickly? Doubtfully. Did you ever think he is putting on a show and acting the way you expect him to act all the time? I wouldn't if I were you. Beware if you do.
2007-03-28 01:32:16 · answer #10 · answered by seahorse 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋