My fiance has a drinking probem. He seemed to really want to stop and said I made him happy and changed his life. It's been three years since we met, and I don't see any change. I do nag him. I don't know what approach to use. In the end, I know HE is the one that has to want to change and I can't force him. It's gotten worse. He has been hanging out with his drinking buddies almost every waking minute for a long time. I finally said it's either the booz or me(and I offered to pay for everything while he was in rehab.). He chose the booz and said that he was like that when the ring went on my finger and that is who he is and he will never change because he doesn't want to any time soon and that I should move out, and if I don't like the drinking (and the pot) then I don't like him.
WOW! He kept telling me he wanted to quit and I fell for it. I actually believed in him. What a change. We are broken up (for the better). But why did he lead me on for so long saying he wanted to quit??
2007-03-27 17:21:10 · 16 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Because by leading you on and telling you how he wanted to quit...he got to continue his drinking, and keep you. He used that possibilty he may go into rehab to string you along and think there was hope for a healthy future together. How long did you wait for him to change, and think how long his manipulation worked. Don't be sad...think of how much heartache you saved yourself by not marrying him, and bringing kids into the world with him.
2007-03-27 17:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by Miami Lilly 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I will make this short and sweet. Don't know why he lead you on but be thankfull he was truthfull about one thing. He told you when the ring went on that this is what he was. That was your clue right there to not accept the ring. It is so unbelievable sometimes to hear people say they had no idea that this was the way their spouse was when in fact what really happened is that if they just payed alittle more attention they would see plenty of clues pointing to many behaviors that aren't acceptable in a spouse. Or they see the behaviors but put the ring on anyway in hopes that things will just be different later. And then what happens....oh yeah,,,you know what happens ...the pain...I feel for you but look at the positive...you got out now before you married and heaven forbid brought kids into this world with this guy....I wish you well
2007-03-27 17:39:58 · answer #2 · answered by chcman74 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He led you on because he wanted to continue having sex with you for as long as you would put up with him. He sounds really immature and selfish and you are lucky that you left him. I had a boyfriend in high school who behaved exactly the same way. We were engaged but he spent most of the day stoned or drunk, he spent every dime he had on drugs and booze. Now I love to party, but he had a serious problem. It came before everything, love, family and common sense. I left him and it's the best thing I ever did. I hear he's living on the streets somewhere.
2007-03-27 18:00:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best thing that happened in this situation is that you didn't marry him. Alcoholic will tell you anything you want to hear but when they have the opportunity to drink, they are going to do it. Hopefully someday he will go into rehab, but that will have to be his call and he will really have to want it. Good for you for being out of the relationship. Good luck.
2007-03-27 18:22:05 · answer #4 · answered by Dyan 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why did YOU listen and BELIEVE for so long??? You stayed even though the evidence was clearly there! You BOTH obviously hoped the other would give in!!
You have now made the CORRECT decision. Don't look back and quit questioning yourself!! Get a new life!
2007-03-27 18:00:58 · answer #5 · answered by Cindy B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the answer to your question is: Alcoholics lie.
However, you should probably seek therapy to discover why you spent 3 years with an alcoholic. You need to realize that you did it on purpose, and need to repair your own self before you waste 3 more years of your life on a guy who can never really bond with you.
2007-03-27 17:33:57 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i hate to say this but I'm a drunk to and we say anything to keep thing ppl and stuff we want I'm sure he truly loves you but its to hard for him to stop drinking then you know. im trying to get help right now and not even my husband can deal with the stuff i have to go throw and maybe you bf or fiance dont want you to have to deal with it so he keeps acting like there is nothing wrong but on the other hand when ppl try to help me i hate them and wish they would leave me alone cause i feel like i have no control of me. my best answer would to be ask him if he loves you if he says yes tell him he has to get help of his choice and that you will be there no matter what and your not there to jugde him but to help him if he is mean you have to suck it up cause he wont mean to hurt you and in his own time he will make it up to you but be there for him no matter what he puts you through
2007-03-27 17:51:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
well he dont think he has a problem,,,, an you can tell him ,for me he a damm foo;, for letting you get a way,,,,,, i to was a alcohol. but at least i had the brain, to know a good thing , when i saw it,,, now the drink, not going to love him, cook for him, an it wont, be their when he hit bottom,,,
2007-03-28 00:18:57 · answer #8 · answered by ghostwalker077 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The bottle will always come before you. I'm sorry. They will promise to quit over and over but unless you actually see it and experience it don't believe it.
2007-03-27 22:21:09 · answer #9 · answered by Iron What? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The alcohol is running his life and until he gets help it won't change. You can nag, beg, threaten and it will do no good. he has to be ready.
2007-03-27 17:40:43 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋