Husband is almost NO help and expects me to get EVERYTHING done in the day!?

Question

This is more a vent, but also a 'what do I do with him' question.

My son sleeps through the night and gets up at about 8. My husband is getting off work at that time and feeds/changes him for me and gets me up and goes to bed. I don't drive (personal reasons) so I'm home all day/week with him with my hubby sleeping. My son is six months now and he's VERY needy and cries to be held. I can't stand to just let him cry so I end up wasting the entire day away holding him, singing, reading, bathing, feeding, etc. etc (I love it though) but when my husband gets up and sees that the house isn't spotless or that I haven't cooked (I never know when he's going to get up and he fights with me if I try to wake him to eat) he gets pissed off and starts an arguement, almost every night. I'm so sick of this crap. I take very good care of our son with no help from him, and he gets pissed if I dn't manage to get it all done. I can't wear him in a sling b/c I have back probs. so I literally have to hold

him, and my husband doesn't seem to understand this. I'm so frustrated with him but I'm tired of fighting. There just aren't enough hours in the day!

Plus, I think I'm feeling signs of PPD. I'm tired and cranky even with sleep, I'm depressed and have become withdrawn, I don't go out with friends anymore and don't even want to go out on the weekends. IDK, any advice?

Answer 1

Look into getting a swing or bouncer chair for your son so you can set him down next to you. I had one that I would set on the kitchen floor when cooking, so my child could see that I was right there even if I wasn't holding him. At six months, you can start tummy time -- spread a blanket on the floor and give him a few toys to play with while you walk around cleaning up or vacuuming. If he's demanding to be held, you can "wean" him into being willing to be separated by a few feet... lay him down and sit there talking to him and patting him, then gradually move away a bit while still talking and smiling at him. I'd never suggest letting him cry and be miserable, but at the same time he needs to learn that he'll be safe even if you're not hugging him. And you need to get a little space for yourself, not to mention a little time to do household chores :-)

Finally -- Post-partum depression is very serious and very dangeroud, and your husband is making things much worse by acting like you're a failure. Get to a doctor for help -- anti-depressants! -- and make it clear to your spouse that his behavior is hurting you and by extension hurting your baby. New mothers should get support from their partners, not criticism.

You MUST get positive experiences in your life... don't just withdraw into a shell, or it will get worse. I've been there and it was terrible. Raising your child should be a positive experience, not just something to endure. If you're feeling good about your child and yourself, you'll be able to cope with things!


EDIT: Hon, I read some of your other questions, and you really do sound like you have PPD. You need to get counseling, and you should get your spouse to come along with you. Having a new child is a huge change and adjustment, but it should be for the best, not cause this much sadness and upset in your lives. Best of luck, I wish I could give you a hug and help you through this!!!

Answer 2

You know, my husband very rarely helps out with the baby or housework because he is at work all day, but he does try and he sure as heck don't yell at me if the place isn't spotless.
Your husband needs a wakeup call and he needs to realize that babies take up a lot of time, I spend most of my day playing with my daughter because she doesn't want to be alone, and god forbid I should try to have breakfast or lunch.

Call your doctor about the way you are feeling and your withdrawal from you life and friends. I would also try to talk with your husband about it. It could be he is feeling left out and abandoned for the baby. Either way, counselling would be a good way to go.

Answer 3

Sounds like a typical man to me. My husband is the same way. He thinks that since he works he has to do nothing else. Every time I complain about not getting help he says well maybe I shoud just quit my job so I can help you. The funny thing about it is that I also work a full time job and I am also a full time student plus take care of two kids (3 and 14 months) all by myself. I also clean the house, do the laundry, cook, do the dishes, grocery shop, pay the bills, pretty much everything. The only thing I don't do is bring home enough money to pay all the bills on my own but that is why I am going to school because the way I see it what do I need him for if I am doing it all on my own anyway. They can lay down to make them but they can't get up off their *** to help take care of them. Do you have any family that can help you? If not then I wouldn't worry about doing anything to please him. You take care of your baby and do what you have to do to keep him healthy, clean, and happy. If your husband wants something done let him get off his *** and do it himself, maybe then he will appreciate it more when you do it, but I wouldn't hold your breath because if he is like my husband it won't work because my husband thinks that the kids are my job to raise because that's what mothers do.