What is going on with her?

Question

I was married for 5 yrs. we divorced,and after a year we decided to try again. things were ok 4 awhile but now things are crazy. I work 7 days a wk. 12-14 hrs a day. but she dont work, she stays home and cares for the kids, home, everything pretty much because of the way i work. but when i do come home she is always in a bad mood. she is mad at the kids, mad at me. She is just mad. She compains that we get no time together, alone or as a family. Sex? what sex? if we do talk we usually end up in a fight. I try to get her to understand i cant help it but i must work. why cant she just be happy and understand that i am doing the best i can for all of us? any suggestions?

Answer 1

Yes, you have to work and so must she. Whether you realize it or not, that's what she does taking care of the family as she does. In your absence--because you have to work constantly, she's playing the role of mother, father, nurse, housekeeper, bookeeper, cook and probably a few other job titles.

She feels neglected...you feel neglected. It's understandable and while you shou;d be commended for working as hard as you do to provide for you family, in many ways, so is she.

I think you need to come to a meeting of the minds. As it stands, you have a relationship, but certainly NOT a marriage. You have to have both to make a successful go at this. One of the best ways to go about finding this is making time to be together...away from the kids...the bills..the dishwasher that's on the fritz...the everything.

Call in a favor...get a babysitter....take off work..or get off early if that's all you can do and make a date to be with your wife. Make sure she does the same thing in order to have a date with her husband.

As I see it, your problem is that you don't have time. And try to see that she pulls her fair share around the house and how draining that can be...physcially and emotionally.

She must also understand your fiscal contribution to the family's welfare and how much pressure your under to make that a reality day in and day out.

Good luck.

Answer 2

There are plenty of careers out there that don't require you to work 12-14 hours a day. Get a new job and be home with your family, or you are going to lose your wife again and mess up your kids lives even more with a second divorce.
It is true that her behavior is not perfect, but you are also seriously in the wrong. You cannot have a healthy marriage and family life with so little time spent on them. You cannot change her behavior but it will likely improve if you start to put your family first.

Answer 3

I understand a family needs money to survive. Everyone needs money to survive I think she is just frustrated with everything she is going crazy in the house taking care of the family. A mothers work is never done it get overwhelming. I know. But maybe you should try to spend some time together away from the kids time for you two to relax. She needs the same time away from the kids a break from the daily routine. Try to mend your relationship now before you end of divorced again, A marriage takes work but both parties have to try, good luck

Answer 4

Yep....she need a night out with her husband. And during that night out you need to tell her that you really are both on the same page even though alot of times it doesn't seem like it. Now what the hell do I mean by that. Well, you work 12 hours so when you come home you are tired. But hey....she works 12 hours too and on top of that she is with kids all day and she is an adult......she would like some adult time after her 12 hours of work at home. So you need to take her to dinner and say ya know what honey......we both work our butts off and we are both tired at the end of the day and what we really need is time with each other. The funny thing is you are both in bad moods at the end of the day with each other when the fact of the matter is one of the reasons you are in bad moods is that you both need one another after your long days. So this is what you propose at your dinner....you tell her that starting next week you will have a date some how some way each week at least once a week with one another. Look...its tough now a days, and I think it is so great that mom stays home with the kids and takes care of the home front while you are earning the dollars that keep everything afloat. Tell her at the dinner that you realize that both of you deep down appreciate the role each of you is playing in keeping the family running. But it is critical for their to be regular time with one another. If you don't take care of your marriage then both of your roles in the family will suffer as a result. So be good to one another by treating yourselves to a date each week. Believe me...I am not there but Iknow you both need the break....and I do wish you well.

Answer 5

You and your wife should sit down and map out the purpose of your marriage. For example your job right now is to go to work everyday to financially support the family.....her job right now is to take care of the home & the children.

Then set up dates when the two of you can spend some time together with just each other.

One thing that makes a lot of women upset is when they've been home all day & they don't get a break. So when you come home, after you change your clothes take over the children for awhile or fix the dinner.

Answer 6

She sounds more like your room mate than your wife. I bet my wife would be the same way if I worked such long hours. A man needs to be more than a paycheck. He needs to be a lover, caretaker, friend and companion. You are simply working too many hours and you need to make the financial sacrifices necessary for her to continue to stay home with the kids AND for you to have be a father to them.

You say you were divorced from her for a while. Did you ever really address the issues that lead to your separation in the first place? It doesn't sound like it to me.

There is great wisdom in Lisa's suggestion to read the Dr. Laura books, but one thing that I've learned is that you can't take the attitude that you have of "why can she just be happy". You need to look her in the eye and tell her face to face the pressures you are under...open up and be prepared to listen. You need to take an active role in her happiness as well as yours. Do the big things and the little things, but remember that quality time starts with quantity time.

Answer 7

Wow, o.k. from a womans prosepective...you NEED to make time for her...PERIOD! NO job is worth losing your family over....is it? How would that make you feel? I understand that you work and bring home the money, but I hope for your sake you are realizing that she has a job too...A VERY IMPORTANT, and recently found to be one of the most stressful jobs....being a STAY AT HOME PARENT!!! You do realize that she doesn't get a vacation...her job is 24/7. She doesn't just work 12-14 hours she works whenever your children or you need her. Do not let your job get in the way of what is really important. If it is a temporary thing, these hours then just sit her down and explain that. Set a date night every week for just the two of you to go out to dinner or a movie, or just stay home and be intimate. Get away, allow her to get away from her job. Give her a night each week where she can get out for a couple of hours just do her thing. My husband did this to me. We were almost divorced over it. When I left him for a couple of weeks and he had to take care of the children on his own when I didn't have them, he realized just how much he took me for granted, don't do the same to her.

Answer 8

Your wife is burned out, and you probably are too. Whenever possible you two should go on a little vacation away from the kids, and work and everything. just a few days will relieve you of the stress you are both dealing with. You should also ask the help of a professional like a minister or marriage counselor to clear the air.

Answer 9

You know, im in ur wife's position, so i perfectly understand how she feels and why she is acting this way, although i dont do as she does, i understand that my husband has to work hard, and i fully support him, i try my best to be in a good mood when he arrives from work, but i do so ONLY because my husband understands how i feel and he always shows appreciation to my role in the house, even for the smallest things that i accomplish, he thanks me for ''em!
the problem with ur wife is, she doesnt only feel neglected, she doesnt feel that she is important or doing sth meaningful with her life, and there is where YOU step in and show how garteful u are to what she is doing, praise her, share ur thoughts with her, discuss important things about ur job with her, involve her in ur life, ask for her advice (even though u really dont need it) make her feel that u rely on her, that u take her seriously, that u consult her b4 u take minor as well as major decisions, try to make some time just for her during the weekeneds, she ll apreciate it.
im certain u both will get along just fine,

Answer 10

Good Lord, it's a wonder you're both alive. You're not living. You're merely existing. Since she runs the home, perhaps she can make some budget adjustments.... So that you can cut down on your work schedule. What's the point, if there's no happiness for either one of you? Oftentimes we get so caught up in the rat race....and the rats wind up winning!
Decide on a budget meeting......the sooner the better!