My brother is moving in his new wife with my mother?

Question

Hi
My little bother is getting married in the second week of May. They are having a large wedding. He is currently 23 years old and lives with my mother. He and his new wife are moving into my mother home after the wedding. I have been married myself for 4 years (my husband and I have our own aparment) and I think this is a horriable idea. The only reason why I think my mother is letting them stay because my mom is divorce and doesn't make a lot of money. She has a whole house to herself and she needs the extra income from my brother and his wife to make ends meet. I still thinks this does not give the the oppunity to understand themselves as a new couple living under someone else roof. The worst part about it I have not told my borther that I think this is a bad idea. I just don't know how to tell him with out hurting him. I just do not think that if he can not support his wife on his own he should not be getting married. Do you think I am right about this?

Answer 1

I understand your concern...but, at the same time, it could help all of those involved. Like helping the young couple get on their own by saving...at the same time helping your mom. I also think they will find out how hard the situation might be...once they all start living together. Mom, telling her son how and what and when to do something...and then the wife telling him..he should do what she ask him to do not his mom...and the mom always falling back on..but you are living under my roof...BUT, I have to ask...do I pick up on a Lil bit of envy or jealousy on your part...or guilt...for not doing or trying to help out your mom....knowing she is or will be facing a harder time?

Answer 2

There is nothing wrong with your brother moving in with your mom unless his wife is not 100% behind him. There have been many who live with parents and inlaws and are very happy. This is not for everyone but if all 3 are happy about it they should try it. But you are right on one thing if he is not able to support his wife without moving in with mom that is the worst thing he can do. If they are making good money though there should not be a problem. If it doesn't work they can move out later...

Answer 3

Hi you are perfectly right if your brother cant afford to live with his wife in their own place then they should not get married until they can, i made the mistake of letting my mother come live with me 10 years ago and i got married 2 years ago now im stuck in a situation where i look after her, they need their privacy it will only cause problems for them in the future, tell your brother that they should have their own privacy thats its no way to start a marriage you could say you know someone at work or you had a friend that ended up in the same situation , cheers

Answer 4

Actually, I think its really none of your concern. Unless you mother does not want them there and she voiced that to you and did not tell them that. Which does not seem to be the case.

If it helps your mom and your brother and his future wife and the people living in the house are OK with the situation, then let them do what they want.

You only get to have an opinion if you live there also and it directly affects you.

But I do understand your concern, but just let them be and live their own lives. You do the best you can with yours and focus on that.

Answer 5

This isn't any of your business. This is your mother's, your brother's and his soon to be wife's business. If all of them are comfortable and respectful of the situation then that is all that matters. Your mother isn't being disrespected or taken advantage of and is getting some much needed help if her son and his wife live there. Your brother and his wife get the opportunity to live in a very comfortable home during the beginning stages of their marriage. Normally those first few years are spent on crates and TV trays, ramen noodle and mac and cheese.

If everyone who is involved in the arrangement is happy what is it to you?

Answer 6

Bothering about it needlessly or being jealous is just going to make you anxious. Let them make their own mistakes.

I guess his moving in with mum has more to do with access to cheap(er) accomodation than making ends meet for your mum. And.... If I was your mum I would be concerned that if it doesn't work out that I am not forced out (using the why do need this big house aymore argument).

Plus, (assuming she owns this house) in the long term after she passes on he has very good grounds to challenge division of property and might be able to reduce any share of her estate you may be willed (especially if he starts renovating or ading value to it).

Answer 7

you are right in your mind that's why you have an apartment with your husband; he is living his life and making his decisions; the only thing you might say to him is to tell him to just be careful to make sure his marriage doesn't suffer from it, not that you have any way of knowing that it will or won't.....it's not your choice...you got to make yours.

Answer 8

i agree, tell them all right now that you do not want anyone coming to your house gossping about what is going on there, hard feelings and all, sometimes to save money people pay a higher price.

Answer 9

i think you need something else to worry about, honestly. why should you have any input whatsoever about this arrangement? how does this affect you in any way? you are not going to get any positive reactions by injecting youself into something that is absolutely none of your business. sorry.

Answer 10

tell him how you feel, but prepare for an arguement.
what if there is some under lying reason you are unaware of?