What effects does emotional pain have on an individual?

Question

People in my grammar school were just ugh....I mean, backstabbing girls and conceited fake people....I guess my experiences made me become more cynical but more reserved. I don't know, after grammar school, I'm more quiet around people and I have social problems. I suffered verbal abuse and practical jokes in grammar school and I'm trying not to let that happen again in high school. Doesn't help when my family is constantly badgering me about weight, grades, school, college, SATS, how ugly I am, and stuff like that. I'm fine, actually, I'm not fine, I'm miserable.....I often have suicidal thoughts and I hate being in a social environment

Answer 1

It seems like everyone and their mother is answering this question... but I'd like to put in my two cents as well.

I grew up in a two bedroom house with 8 people inside, my family and a family of relatives.... my parents were divorced and I didn't see either often, one of the kids was mentally and emotionally abusive, all of them were manipulators, and I, being the oldest, was often the de facto person in charge of watching the younger kids, cleaning house, doing yard work, and trying to keep things sane.... all the while watching my sister whither, go self-mutilating, and eventually suicidal in the mess.

It makes a huge scar when you can not depend upon your family to support you. When the abuse comes from someone who is supposed to have your back. You feel betrayed to the core of your existence. I trained myself never to show pain... or really anything of my real thoughts because those could be used against you... the motto was "don't let them have any part of you that matters.... it can hurt you in the end."

I was extremely cynical in high school... and I did think that everyone was backstabbing, flaky, and fake. Often, I was angry with them, because they seemed to have no more problems than they had nothing to wear that day. I stopped speaking out in class... and almost stopped talking to anyone at all. I can completely understand where you are coming from.

However... you learn to deal with the situation. I found that, with abusive teenagers anyway, if you can publicly beat them at their own game, they tend to stop. Wait until someone starts teasing you, and then calmy let them know why they are wrong. It doesn't hurt to make them look like an insensitive, annoying *** in the process.

Start joining clubs. Ones with mandatory attendance. I did this because I thought it would look good to get into college... but this really helped me, because it forced me to talk to people and realize that they are not all bad. Find something you enjoy and just go for it. Usually, once you are busy doing something you love, you will meet other people just like you who are doing the same thing. And then, looking back, you realize that the backstabbing fake people were just confused, insecure, and immature, like so many other people at that time in their life. Meeting them, years later, you see the excellent qualities in them that perhaps they were too insecure to show in high school.

Finally.... talk to your family. Sit down and explain to them how their badgering is making you feel. Write it in a letter if you can't tell them face to face. Parents sometimes don't want to see that anything is really wrong with their children, and only want to push them in the direction they want to see them going. If you communicate your feelings to them, they will at least hold off on the badgering. They do care about you, they just may not know the best way to help you through this difficult time.

Please do not go through with the suicide. There is so much out there to live for... to do. I have thought about it, sometimes, with an almost morbid fascination. But then, I'll always remember a place I wanted to visit before I died, or something I wanted to learn or achieve. If you need an outside ear, or anything else, feel free to contact me through my profile page.

Answer 2

believe it or not, i'm currently going through a similar experience. the whole nature versus nurture debate can't exactly be pinpointed, but all the things that you've experienced have undoubtably shaped you as a person, be it for the better or for the worse.
addressing those people at your grammar school -- yes, i too have been through a time when i wasn't accepted, but there are two roads to go from there. sure, you can be cynical, which i am to a certain extent, but i see it more as an experience, an experience that teaches you that life may not be completely filled with genuine people. But, that really teaches you to appreciate things a little more, and being reserved can be a good thing.
as for how your family constantly badgers you about everything-- yes, i know exactly how you feel. it's painful, perhaps more so, because it's your family that's saying that to you, but you have to remember that it is out of love. Still, that emotional pain does often carry over to shaping a person as well. i mean, you are probably more self conscious than the average person, and you might be more insecure because you're on the lookout for all the faults your family points out.

what i'm trying to say it, yes, emotional pain does impact who you are as a person, but hey, a lot of other factors in your life also affect who you are as well. negative things don't necessarily confine you as an individual, though. it also depends on how you interpret them, and how much you make of them.

Answer 3

Don't worry about others so much. I know thats easier said than done but its important to keep motivated. If you work hard and associate with the right people you'll earn respect. You'll earn respect of the people who matter anyway. The wrong people are the ones that put you down. Just think. Most of those people will end up working dead end meaningless jobs, get married, divorced, have affairs, become alcholics, and die of cancer because they thought it was cool to start smoking at 15. You on the other hand should look past that. Work hard, take the toughest classes, study your butt off and get into the best college you can. Once there join some academic clubs and work hard, study your butt off, go to class every day. You do this and you'll find yourself making alot of friends that truly support you. You'll end up working somewhere that matters making a good living and in 10 years you'll go to your reunion and feel sorry for the people that used to make fun of you.

Answer 4

The most damaging effect is low self esteem. You need a big morale boost. Same thing happened to me, and here's what I did: I turned my low self-esteem and sadness into ANGER, and channeled that anger into working for me.

It will take a lot of willpower but it can be done. Start working out, lose your weight, take good care of yourself (I know there's some things you can't change, but do your best). Be more focused. Realize that you will be alone in this world if you don't fight for your own, so you need to develop an aggressive attitude and say "f*ck you all". I know this can be extremely hard, but you can do it. Study hard, and don't take no crap from anybody. Next person who teases you about anything, break their f*cking arm.

Once you take this new outlook on life using channeled anger, your self-esteem will rise. Instead of suicide, you'll think of murder (which is still bad, but not as bad, you'll still have some work to do).

Answer 5

I know what you are going through. I have been through the same thing to the letter. I was teased in Grammer school and it carried through to my every day life as an adult. I attempted suacied on a couple of occasions. I " only recently" had an insight that opened my eyes. " The only reason that people treat me different is that they are misserable them selves." Ounce I realized that, It was easier for me to forgive them and look at them with pitty. Kinda pisses them off when they are looked at with pitty. Suddenly your the empathetic one and not the victem any more. You tend to feel better about your self when you can try to help the ones that tormented you for soo many years with trying to deal with there own deamons. I am a psychologist and have had many years of experiance in this matter as well as personal growth in this matter. Refuse to be the victom and be the Victor. Suacide is the permanent solution to a temporary problem.

Answer 6

Well it seems like you are already experiencing the effects of emotional pain on an individual. I guess that what you have to do in order to get rid of this emotional pain is to make some good friends; and go outside if you all ready do then good. I guess it would also help to be more around big crowds of people. You should really try to get rid of it before it becomes worse such as not being able to step outside of your house.

Answer 7

I share the same experience way back Elementary and High School. I am always bullied by almost anybody at school. But inspite it, I remained what I want to be and does not allow them to totally make me feel inferior. Although in reality sometimes we really feel it, let it go that way for a minute and then go on. They have more problems than you, they might be trying to escape from their problems and looking for something or someone that can make them forget what their real problems are.

Remember, don't let anyone make you feel inferior. By the way, my elementary and high school mates and teachers are looking upward now at me. I'm looking down at them because they remain at what were before. I went ahead and moved on. Go for what you want. By the way again (again and again ::)) I attempted suicide also before but it turned into a comedy. hahaha. I have a lot of stories to tell. If you want more stories from me just email me at [e-mail] and let those scumbags (whatever that means) look upward to you in the future.

Answer 8

Just know this; High school is probably the worst time in everyone's life, but it will not last forever. Try and find one or two people that you can identify with and vice versa. There are probably more than you think. As for suicide, it's NOT worth it. Nothing is worth killing yourself over. I think everyone around your age has them from time to time. Like I said before, high school will NOT last forever and your life WILL change for the better, maybe even before the year is over. Good luck.

Answer 9

It can be devastating. It can affect a person life and if they have the desire to succeed in life or just crawl in a hole and hide or as you stated commit suicide.
The world is not a nice place that some would hope for.

The best thing to remember is you need to please yourself more than others.
Those type of people come and go.
I have had the same problem growing up but I just let it roll off my shoulders..it made me stronger to be more assertive in my adult years and not just hide at the 1st site of conflict.
Head up, chest out...move on.

Answer 10

Your past doesn't have to determine your future...

When exposed to a bad and negative environment, naturally people will accquire the same "psyche" of thoughts... but remember that you can always get out of the rut:

Try hanging out with more positive and energetic influential people and gradually you'll feel the difference... you will soon feel the wonders of life and being alive and such