Part 1
http://au.answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AsokL089VriwciwchHVx5eXg5gt.?qid=20070327082635AAixv20
Part 2
People here are blowing this WAY out of proportion. I have NEVER spend much time much less the night at James’ house since he moved back here. I certainly didn’t plan on falling asleep at his house. He had broken up with his girlfriend 3 days earlier and asked me to keep him company once I got there. I FELL ASLEEP! I’m an incredibly deep sleeper which is why I didn’t get up after a few hours. I woke up covered by a blanket on James’ sofa and when I saw the dozens of missed calls and voicemails I had I rushed home. I’ve never cheated on anyone and neither has James. My husband and him simply don’t get along because my husband is convinced James wants me back which is just crazy. My husband is a dentist and dated on of his assistants during an off period in those 3 year who he still works with today and I have no problem with that.
2007-03-27 15:52:14 · 11 answers · asked by Anonymous in Social Science ➔ Psychology
My husband agreed to compromise to let me spend time with James at our place which to me is just a sign that he doesn’t trust me. I want this marriage to work because I truly do love my husband but I don’t think I should have to stand for my husband telling who I can and cannot see. Where do we go from here?
2007-03-27 15:52:34 · update #1
I guess you want an answer you want tohear but you will not get it from me.You are married and this is your ex.If the shoe were on the other foot would you buy the story that you are telling?I dont think you would and neither would I.So I think your hubby is right.
2007-03-27 16:05:09 · answer #1 · answered by Jim C 6 · 4⤊ 0⤋
I will be honest, do you blame you husband for having these feelings? How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot? Your husband working with an ex fling is a totally different thing to you falling asleep at James's house. You need to reassure him that there is nothing going on and stop fighting about it. Nobody listens when they are fighting. Sit down with him and talk it over. A bit of give and take goes a long way. Although you will probably have to give a lot more than you take in this situation.
2007-03-28 03:52:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I still stick by what I said before..
You are a married woman, and have no business "hanging out" with an ex-boyfriend. It's as simple as that. You are not the only one who can keep the guy company.. Give me a break! He should have enough respect for you and for your husband to NOT ask you to go and "keep him company" You are both in the wrong (you and your "friend).
No matter how you try to word things, or how many times you ask the same question.. nothing is going to make your actions "Okay".
You are a married woman.. now act like one!
2007-03-28 08:24:34 · answer #3 · answered by arkiegirl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that marriage should be based on trust. However, it is also based on compromise. If you know that spending time with James at James' house upsets your husband so much, why do you continue to do it? I'm not saying that you shouldn't spend time with your friend, but maybe public places would be more appropriate. Compromise. If you love your husband and want things to work out with him, you must compromise. I wish you the best of luck.
2007-03-27 23:03:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No offense but I truly believe you owe this to him, your ex might want you back, and by him hangin out at your house, I can promise you that you will find out the truth, if James doesn't seem jealous of you and your husband then he doesn't, but your husband might see first hand that you two are good friends and therefor trusth you alone with him...Personally If my wife had fallen asleep at a guys house I'd be furious even if I truly believed nothing happened. Now ask your self how you'd feel if your husband fell asleep at his assistants house?
2007-03-27 23:02:48 · answer #5 · answered by magicmanmc 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this is a tough answer. I personally don't see that you are in the wrong. You have a male friend, yet you are married. I have a few male friends and am married. But I love my husband. He respects me and trusts me, and for that I owe it to him to take into consideration something that he doesn't feel right about. If at any time, he told me that he didn't feel comfortable with any of the friends I have, I would owe it to him to respect that. A marriage is about equal partnership, and respecting each others feelings on things. If I discipline the kids one way, and my husband doesn't think it was the right approach, we discuss it, and come to a common agreement on what makes us both happy. The same with any other disagreeances. I don't know the whole situation, but if you love your husband, at least have respect for the fact that he doesn't feel quite right about your closeness with your ex. If you and your ex are such good friends, and you just have to see each other because you enjoy each other's company, then you need to respect your husband's feelings on the matter when you do. If he is willing to let you hang out with him, but at your own home, then leave it at that. To demand more would only cause your husband to have more distrust about the situation. If you love your husband, and don't want a divorce, agree to this now, and SHOW him that there is nothing to worry about between you two. When he sees the relationship between you and your ex as being harmless, over time, he will begin to trust you more. I know it sucks to not be trusted, but sometimes these sacrifices must be made to have an honest and trustworthy marriage. Show him your respect by agreeing to this, and he will much more likely respect you for that in turn. When your ex does come over, include your husband in the conversations, to show him that you are not prefering this other man over him.Keep the relationship friendly only, and he will see that you can be trusted. If he still is overly jealous by this point, he may be just that, overly jealous, and nothing may be able to change his mind. If this is true, you will probably always feel untrusted, and very unfree in your marriage, and then you may have to consider whether or not you want to feel this way for the rest of your lives together. If he is keeping you on a short leash, yet he himself has friends of the opposite sex, then this is a sign of that as well. Then I would tell you to move on. But until then, at least try to make it work out.
2007-03-27 23:15:27 · answer #6 · answered by Lindsey H 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
this is just my opinion but if you actualy have such a hard time choosing between your husband and an ex then i don't think you should be married to him in your vows you said forsaking all others.i wouldn't like it if my wife were spending time with another man and even going so far as spend the night at his apartment and if it got the point that she had a hard time deciding between us then i woould know that she has feelings for this other guy that a married woman just shouldn't have for another man it sounds to me that you and your husband should get some counciling to work things out and you may have to decide if your marriage is more important than a friendship with your ex.
2007-03-28 02:32:13 · answer #7 · answered by windwalker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As I said before....
Quote..."I woke up covered by a blanket on James' sofa" unquote...
If James is such a caring friend, instead of covering you with a blanket, why didn't he wake you up and send you home...especially if he knew it could cause problems with your husband if you stayed out all night...not so crazy after all is it...seems like if that is what he did, then he wants to cause problems and maybe have you get divorced...
2007-03-28 10:40:11 · answer #8 · answered by sarch_uk 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are married and you spent the night with an old boyfriend. You dont see the problem here? Seriously dont you? You cant be that naive or think your husband is. If you were my wife I would not have given you a choice in the matter. It would be done and over. Your bags would be somewhere on the curb..
2007-03-27 23:44:54 · answer #9 · answered by Jerry G 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're crazier than a shitt house rat sister! You're married for God's sake why in the hell do you want to date this other guy? "we go to the movies and eat pizza at his house" why aren't you at home being a wife like you promised when you took the marriage vows before God? YOU NEED TO GROW UP AND STOP PLAYING HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!
2007-04-03 23:25:04 · answer #10 · answered by Walt 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋