Can you please give me feedback on a poem I've written?

Question

Title: A Silent Perspective
Everywhere.
Silence.
I cannot hear the echo of my own footsteps along the pavement;
The sound is foreign to my ears, but it is
Familiar to others.
The crowd surges toward me,
Engulfing my tiny frame in its ambiance.
I force a smile to disguise the pain in my heart.
Mouths are slightly open, laughter
Escaping through parted lips.
Silent laughter.
I can only hear with my eyes.
I gaze upon an unknown countenance and
Imagine the sound of a voice, what it is to have a
Voice.
My voice is a series of hand signals few of which can
Comprehend.
I envy those who are normal.
I am tormented by my handicap, though I compel myself to
Live through it.
I look in the mirror, and I witness a monster.
I perceive myself the way everyone else sees me.
Society’s misinterpretation of my world is the cause,
My pitiful self-reflection, the effect.
I cannot conceive of placing myself into your shoes until
You recognize what it is to be deaf, what it is to live
A silent perspective.

Answer 1

This is a good poem but I find it so sad that the deaf person would see themselves as monster just because they can not hear. I do not think society would be the cause of someone feeling this way about themselves, this is a self-esteem issue. You did a good job on this poem.

Answer 2

I am not good at all at critiquing literary texts but I've had some experiences in it. My reaction to your poem? WOW! The simplicity of the language that you employed brings out the emotions so loud so that the reader (a least I am speaking for myself) will empathize with the persona in the poem...will be able to feel the silence...will be able to feel the pain of not knowing how it is to "hear the echo of my footsteps along the pavement" and hear the laughter...how it is to have the sound of a voice to express his/her thoughts...how it is to "live a silent perspective."
Keep on putting your thoughts into words like this one. Goodluck!

Answer 3

I think you could be more direct.

It took me nearly the whole poem to put it together that the speaker is deaf, and yet he or she knows certain sounds.

In a case like this, my old poetry teacher used to say, "Let the rails that the poem rides on show." This means, rather than skirting the surface of this poem with glances at the pain of being deaf, show it. Get to the heart of it and write to the heart of it. If you have to rewrite the poem beginning with the line: "I do not know how to write this poem because I am deaf." Anything you have to do to get to that nugget of brilliance that is trying to shine through all this trite and fairly cliche language.

Answer 4

I like your poem. Some matters appear greater in a dream than truth. Because truth can carry your self-worth and trust again 10 toes. goals is what preserve a man or woman striving to make and prevail. Dreams preserve you sane and completely happy. goals maintains you pitting your satisfactory foot ahead even if truth slap you within the face. I suggestion you poem used to be good positioned. I provide you an A+.

Answer 5

Excellent this poem is a magnificent poem although it is sad it is very heart felt although not all heart felt poems need to be sad.
I too am a poet and really appreciate good poetry such as this splendid!

Answer 6

awsome dude
you've got some real talent

Answer 7

You have great talent. Use it.

Answer 8

wow this is really good. keep writing!