Help!!!! Me or Beer? Am I just being a BIT^@??

Question

Here is some background information. My husband used to smoke weed and drink beer everyday. He quit smoking about 4 yrs ago and now drinks beer everyday. We have 3 children, and I'm now 8mos pregnant with our 4th. I've never been a big drinker so this question doesn't warrant an answer of I'm just mad because I'm pregnant and can't drink. Anyways, I understand that he works hard at work all day and would like to unwind. I work hard as well taking care of our 3 daughters day in and day out. Well he comes home from work, goes to Blockbuster and gets a movie, and gets a 12pack of beer. That 12 pack is usually gone by the time his movie is over or at least half of the 12. He doesn't pay me any attention, no cuddling, no hugging, no sex, and during the day he doesn't even call me to see how everything is going. I feel like I'm being pushed aside and coming second to his beer. Am I just being a bit$@, or do I have a legitimate argument with him about feeling neglected?

To the smart alecks out there telling me to talk to him, duh, I've already done that and it just leads to arguments. This has been an issue once I noticed it. I've always had something to say about it, but what I say doesn't matter evidently. Don't answer this question just to get your points and not actually give sound advice. Thank you!

Answer 1

You have every right to tell him to knock off the beer. There shouldn't be alcohol in the house with children. Is that old school? Maybe so. But 95% of America comes home from a ROUGH day at work and don't unwind with 12 beers or even one beer. Or one joint or one scotch. Why is he so special? Or WEAK. Ask him why he gets to get drink and zone out every night? If he says its because he works, tell him you work too. Enough of this caca. Tell him he has two weeks to quit brining beer into YOUR house and if he doesn't you're throwing him, his beer, and his stuff onto the lawn and changing the locks. DO IT WITH A STRAIGHT FACE. You HAVE to put your foot down or else this will go on and on and get worse.

Answer 2

Rosta:
I not only feel you have a valid argument, but I think your husband is an alchoholic, and might be in need of help. I agree that every guy deserves to unwind at the end of the day & alot of guys do it w/ a beer or two with no qualms, but a WHOLE 6-pack? a TWELVE PACK? No, thats massive consumption, or "binge drinking" as the specialists call it. Is he neglecting your kids too, as well as you? You don't deserve to be ignored, my dear & neither does your marriage. Have you tried talking to him one night, or plan a weekend away w/ out the kids so that you can re-connect & maybe, in a very calm relaxed tone, ask him about the drinking & the neglect. Most guys would be appaled to think they were neglecting their wife, but alot of em don't have alot of common sense either, and you kinda have to point the way for them sometimes :) It's a VERY sensitive subject, hon & I don't claim to be a professional of ANY sort. All I can tell you to do is to follow your heart & speak it to him ASAP if you want to save your marriage. If he immediately hops on the defensive, gets angry or, god forbid, violent, the next step would be to talk to family & friends, get some more advice, perhaps even call an AA chapter. Then comes the hard part of having you & family conduct an intervention. He may need more help that you personally can give, or it may all blow over once you have a heart-to-heart with him; the point is, is that you evidently have to DO or say something, hon. You don't deserve to be neglected & he's making you & your girls suffer becasue he is drawing awa from you guys; he could be depressed! There is a million different outcomes, but you need to make a move & say something to the man you love. It's not just for you, it's for him & your kids, too. There are lots of maybe's here & you're the closest person to your husband, so take a deep breath, do NOT lose your cool & go talk to him. It's the BEST decision you'll ever make. Best wishes, hon!

Answer 3

Wow! Sad! I'm real glad you didn't say he beats you!!

You have alll these children and are pregnant, well, it sounds like you'll have to plan for your future.

First, just because I think it is important...count your blessings that he supports you (and the kids) that he's not out chasing skirts and it doesn't sound like he's mean. These are all things to be grateful for. Really.

Now, I commend you for caring for your daughters and being a good mom...not drinking while your pregnant. Your children need a sober parent, too.

You probably won't change your husband much, but that doesn't mean you can't change yourself. Exercise, stay fit, read when you can, take walks, get out of the house, have coffee with a neighbor, scrapbooking is a favorite hobby of mine. www.wqd.netwarriors.org is a great site for those with drinking in the home. It's mainly for alcoholics and their wives...something to think about. Also, maybe a nightclass, after the baby...something to peak your interest.

Your husband will admire you for being pro-active. The 'old fire' may light up again!

When we want changes, sometimes it falls totally on us to make them!

Answer 4

I dont think that you are being neglected on purpose, he is tired wants to unwind like any man who works hard all day, try talking to him thats a start to a conversation anyways. Let him know how you feel - I do when my husband comes home from work and he goes straight to the computer, I say what no acknowledgement today hey, then he turns around and gives me a kiss - at least it makes me feel better

Answer 5

no your feelings are indeed legite...you need to tell him straight you or beer because not only is this and unhealthy habit it is most likely hurting more than just you...your bickering and his drinking can affect your kids and how they turn out...also tell him this...if he thinks that his work is hard enough to deserve a dsily 12 pack then try being 8 months pregnant, and taking care of our children, the house, cooking, and cleaning all day and then having your husband come home, the one who should be most caring, and have him almost completley ignore you and see if you don't get a little bit b***** and upset

Answer 6

Well if talking only leads to arguments then how do you plan on solving this? He is ignoring you for a reason and yea you have a legit. argument..he is an alcoholic and he needs help *although you probebly already know this* Do what you feel is necassary (GOOD LUCK)

Answer 7

i take it he has always had his beer. you didnt object then. you need to be talking to him instead of asking us what to do.

Answer 8

You are being taken for granted...