I am alone after 13 years of marriage my wife took my kids I have nothing to live for anymore. I cant even find anyone to talk to this about. I just wnat the pain to end. I dont think I can go on much longer
2007-03-27 15:36:24 · 24 answers · asked by Joseph B 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ten years ago I was in your situation. I had nothing to live for anymore. I behaved badly, did some things that were totally out of character...had no pride in myself. My self esteem was shot to pieces....in short I just didnt care...my whole life was blown apart...thats how I felt. This is not a cliche....it is true.....with time things change....nothing ever stays the same. My ex husband was my life....I thought we had the perfect marriage and I loved him with all my heart. He did some terrible things and he may as well have torn my heart out and cut it into shreds because thats how I was feeling. It is a very lonely time because you think no-body could ever understand the saddness/despair you would be feeling, but believe me, there are a lot of us who know. Its like travelling through a tunnel.....you start out not seeing the end...then the further you go up the track you see a little tiny light at the end...the further you go, the light gets bigger, then when you get to the end...there is no more darkness...you are out the other end. At the moment you have just started your journey and you dont see any light...but the more you travel and as the days/weeks pass...you will start to see that little bit of light.
I never thought I could love again, as a matter of fact I never thought anyone could ever love me.....I got involved with a much younger man just after my separation...stupid move because this man was immature, was an alcoholic and got into the occasional shot of heroin. My got totally out of control. I also had my 3 kids, so I wasnt doing them any good. I dont know when it happened, but I knew I had to get away from this man because he was destroying me....I got involved too soon after my split....I wasnt stable enough to make any kind of decisions. I was with this guy for about 4 years, then all of a sudden, I made a decision, packed up mine and my kids stuff and moved to where he couldnt find us. In that time I just survived.....I was kinda empty inside....still didnt want to be here. Then one morning I got up and said enough is enough....I joined a gym....and I started a TAFE course....I got a job and felt like I was really contributing to life again. II started to want to look and feel better because I was sick of feeling dead. I bought myself a computer and I started chatting..... Guys were interested in me, they wanted to meet with me. I was so nervous when I met a man for the first time. I thought he was bound to think I was fat, ugly and horrible. After we got to know each other he told me that when I walked in he thought I was absolutely gorgeous and he thought that I was out of his league. My self esteem started to lift and I had a lot more confidence.
I met a man who I fell totally and utterly in love with....that was 3 years ago. He is my soulmate and we will live out the rest of our lives together. About 2 years ago my ex wanted to come back and the strangest thing happened. I looked at him and realised I didnt want him....I dont know when it happened, but my feelings for him were gone. I didnt love him, I didnt hate him....I felt nothing, and it was such a great place to be. I knew him for 20 years and married for 15, so going from being totally in love with him, then when we split, I went from loving him to hating him...it was different all the time. I felt sorry for myself and couldnt believe he could have done what he did to me.
The point I am trying to make is that at some point in my journey, and I dont know at what point, I started to accept the situation and get on with my life. If I gave up when I wanted to, I would not be sitting here being the happiest woman on this earth. If my husband did not do the things he did, then I would never have been put in this situation....I never would have become independently strong, and I would never have met my soul mate. No-one knows what or who is around the corner....you may have to turn 10 corners before things change....just know that you will not always feel like this, but if you kill yourself then there is no chance whatsoever to find happiness again. If you kill yourself, thats it....no hope of anything. I have to go out now, but I would be most happy to chat with you, while I dont know exactly how you are feeling, I do know what it felt like when I wanted to kill myself. Email me.....we can talk.
Take care
2007-03-27 16:23:32 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is so not true, everyone always has something to live for. Take you for example... just because the kids are not living with you, does not mean they are not still your kids, and they do not need you.
Ending it all is the most selfish thing a person can do. People that do that are only thinking of themselves and not the people they hurt by their actions. Like, parents, kids, family, friends, etc.
Focus on your kids and getting your life straightened out. Make your wife regret her decision to leave, prove what a great guy you are. Then it will be her loss in the longrun.
2007-03-27 15:42:47 · answer #2 · answered by Steffi 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You do have something to live for. You say you have kids, they need you weather you realize it or not. If you end it all you will be denying your kids the chance to really get to know you. They will feel that it's their fault that you decided to leave them. You have to want to see them grow into adults and help them through all the questions they'll have during those adolescent years. Girls need their Daddy's for advice and Guys need Dad for guidance. It would be very selfish to end it. Give them and yourself a chance. Get out there and do all you can to work hard to make your kids proud of you, you may just find love again, even though you're not looking for it. Quiet those voices that say you are less than worthy, we are all special and we all have a purpose here. You are not the one who decides when you go. Be positive, it will draw positive people to you, You have to know where you can find the help and support you need. Please keep your chin up and look to the future, everything will get better, it may take time but it will get better. Best wishes & Good Luck!
2007-03-27 15:50:03 · answer #3 · answered by DB 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You still have your kids to live for. Go to court and get visitation rights and they need you dad. What will it do to your kids if you end it all? I am here to talk if you need a listening ear. Also find a counselor to talk to about how you are feeling. My heart does out to you because of all of this but i feel you will be able to see your kids and have a relationship with them. Think of your kids and how much they will need dad in their lives. I am praying for you and here comes lots of hugs your way. Call a local church and talk to a pastor or counselor about this and ask them for prayer and help. My first husband commited suiced and it ruined my daughters life and haunts her to this day. The kids take it very hard and he is not here for them in any way. I feel bad for the kids. He should have thought of the kids before doing what he did. At least you are reaching out for help so that is the first step and I am so glad you are. Hugs to you today. I hope things get better for you and please look up and stay positive and DO NOT take that way out and stop thinking negatively.
2007-03-27 15:50:33 · answer #4 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone has something to live for. You may just not know what that reason is right now. I don't know what your situation is, but I know what it's like to want to end your own pain and suffering. You're stronger than you think. Get some help. Find a psychiatrist, therapist, or counselor to talk with. I wish you the best!
2007-03-27 15:42:33 · answer #5 · answered by Snow White 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ignore that idiot Common Sense, I have given him a low rating and now he has disappeared.
Now my dear, I want you to make a brand new start as of today. What can you do to make yourself happy. What would it take. Your wife left, but why? Would you be happier if you were still together. Would being together perhaps continue the miserable life you once shared together? I don't want to pessimistic here, I just want to be realistic. If you don't think anything was wrong then perhaps you can persuade her to go to marriage councelling together and explore ways of being together happily again. If this is not possible, then you must make her see that you are still THE father of those children and you want to continue being part of their lives. Please be strong. And pray to God and the angels to take the pain away, I promise you it works. Just close your eyes and pray. From this day forward, you must make yourself happy once more.
Another suggestion is silly but also works. Offer to become a volunteer of some sort. You will be amazed at how much nicer your life is compared to the abject misery being experienced by others. It will take your mind of problems, and will make you feel so good about yourself. I know it is hard to see out of the dark clouds of despair, but please promise me that you will take one step today, just one step towards making your life so much happier. Good luck.
2007-03-27 15:49:47 · answer #6 · answered by sunny 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to hear someone say such a thing hope it gets better for you I know what it feels like to be lonely been married 18 years and wife alienated all my freinds from me shes all I have left and the kids are grown so am really alone with her growing constantly in another direction my going to church and bible help get me thru good luck.
2007-03-27 15:42:50 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have your children to live for; start with that. Surely you were granted visitation. If not, go to court and petition for it. Get some counseling too.
You can't go back in time and change what caused the demise of your marriage, but you can look forward to the future. Get some counseling so you can get on with the rest of your life.
2007-03-27 15:42:11 · answer #8 · answered by amazingly intelligent 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
JOSEPH...STOP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Your life is not over. You control your life! Take control of your situation and make it better. It might feel like you have nothing...but there is so much you cant even see. I just lost a friends dad to suicide, and it was such a hard thing to see happen to a family! All of the people that "Dick" left behind wondering if it was something they could have helped him out with. I am devastated and I think about him everyday, I wish I could have hugged him when I saw him last and I didnt. Because I DIDN'T KNOW!!! Thats the problem...people around you (family and friends) wont know unless you talk about it. They can't help you unless you ask!!!!!!! Please, please, please..........think about all of the advice above...and get help! It's out there!!!
2007-03-27 15:50:08 · answer #9 · answered by Norcalmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It will get better and you have those kids to be a dad to! Just because she has custody of them doesn't mean your job stops; you need to call them and see them as much as you can; they need you very much! Why don't you find a counselor to talk with; you will see that if you keep yourself busy at work and with your friends and with those kids the pain will start to subside, it really will.
2007-03-27 15:41:39 · answer #10 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you go, then you'll have nothing show for. Running away is not the answer.
Decide today that you'll try to be a better person (get inspiration from "My name is Ear") Make that your mission in life. Nothing is worth killing yourself over.
If you need someone to talk to.. just keep posting. you can find support here.
2007-03-27 15:54:48 · answer #11 · answered by Unassuming J 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋