you are in a group of people such as a class or setting where you see each other on a regular basis. As time goes on you begin to sense that you are the person no one respects and you don't know exactly why. You have all the same things in common with the others but you still feel that you are ignored or put off as unimportant. You try to assert yourself but then you are glared at as though you are not allowed to express you own opinions. This feels highly controlling but you are not sure if you are imagining it or not. Has anyone had this type of social behavior happen. It is like the minute someone saw you they immediatly judged you and you were the dog that gets beat.
2007-03-27 15:04:36 · 5 answers · asked by java348 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Yes, my whole life has been like this in fact....but that is another story, email me if you'd like to know more.
Point is....a lot of the social setting like you describe, classrooms, workplaces, nearly any social gathering where you *do* something, this happens. Why?
Competition. Simply put, we've drilled it into our heads that it's all about the grades, the paychecks, and the connections, and most of us go in assuming that *someone has to be The Loser*, always. And while sometimes this is based on performance or other legitimate concerns, more often than not, it really is about *cliques*. If people don't attack you for looking funny, being too poor, being too smart, being too prissy, being too fat or skinny or ugly or smelly....they will attack you just for "being a stranger", or for not being someone they recognize from third grade or from the work team down the hall or from the old neighborhood or from Polls & Surveys....
And I wish I knew what there was to do about it. You cannot beat them at their own game all the time. The cliques change too often and so do the standards within any given clique. And it isn't humanly possible to be the best there is at *everything* under the sun. And *also* it isn't always possible to persuade people caught up in group-think to change their ways and open up.
I am really beginning to think this is just some big social flaw of the human race and that this intolerance of "the stranger" or of "the dog that gets beat" is going, at some point, to get us all killed.
So what I'd suggest is....find something you like to do. Do it well. Let other people who do what you do spread the word, and in time, you'll be on the other side of the fence, inside a clique of your own instead of outside of it. Yes, it's morally disgusting, you are doing little better than caving in, selling out, and joining the mob....but it does insure your survival as a social being.
The alternative is to be a non-social individual by choice and to repeatedly tell yourself "screw them" until you become a Minority of One that *everyone hates and attacks with impunity*. Which will eventually devour you with lonliness and depression...
I'm sorry I'm not much help here, but it's only because I am in the struggle myself, I've been "the dog that gets beat" way too often in life, and now I am just not sure I have a place *anywhere* on this planet. Anywhere. So all I can recommend is that you *sell out* and not do what I did, it doesn't work!
Thanks for your time. -__-
2007-03-27 15:28:02 · answer #1 · answered by Bradley P 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes sometimes you are the dog, and sometimes you are doing the beating. Next time, notice whether or not you feel like they are doing that to you. If you feel like a part of the group, then you know that you are not the dog. But you could be helping them beat someone else. There is always one in every group.
2007-03-27 15:10:16 · answer #2 · answered by B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would guess that you do not take a stand and stay with it. You probably flip-flop on your ideas and people don't respect someone that changes their mind agreeing with everyone. You may be trying to be liked by everyone and it just doesn't work that way. In life, not everyone will agree with your thoughts or actions. Don't worry about being judged. Take a stand with what you truly believe. Explain why and I believe you will see that your peers will begin to respect you.
2007-03-27 15:15:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've seen this and the remedy is to get away from them. Most groups choose someone to put on the outside. It probably has little to do with you.
Work hard to not care and get the heck away from them before this does permanant damage to your self-esteem.
2007-03-27 15:09:18 · answer #4 · answered by Dawnmarie K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-20 02:37:35 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋